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The mixer broke a week ago and for some reason my mom keeps making a cake everyday for the past few days (there are a lot of us in my family, so we eat a whole one in a day), which she didn't do as often when the mixer actually worked.

Mom: *having problems making frosting* It's too clumpy. Can you fix it? *gives bowl to dad*
Dad: What the hell is this? *holds up whisk filled with a clump of hard frosting* You should warm it up. *gets the frosting out of the whisk*
Mom: I did that yesterday and it didn't cool down.
Me: Maybe you should've put it in the fridge.
Mom: Shut up.
 

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Sister went back to Oxford today for research purposes, which made my cat very sad.

Me: Look, he looks so miserable.
Mum: Well, don't worry, when you go back, you can come home for long weekends, right?
Me: Well, yeah, but if I get work experience in that literary agency from March, they might want me to come in on Monday, so it won't be for long.
Mum: You didn't tell me you were getting work experience there.
Me: I did. *pause* I swear I said I was applying for experience.
Mum: You said you'd applied, not that you'd got it.
Me: But I don't have it yet...

My mum, so optimistic, she misses when I say 'if'.
 

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the latest developer at the latest place where i work is just sapping all of the joy out of me.

him: . . . but why don't you agree that the use case should start at step x?
me: because [words]
him: now well, see, i don't agree.
me: i know that you don't agree. we spent half of a whole business day in this same room last week with you not-agreeing with me.
him: well . . . because i don't. because -
me: please don't. please don't tell me AGAIN what you spent three hours telling me on two different days all last week.
him: [words]
me: i don't know what to say to you. i've already said i'm happy for you to do it your way if you want.
him: yeah, because you don't have an argument, right?
me: you've had my arguments. you got them last week.
him: well right, and they failed to convince me.
me: i know.
him: well, then why are we having this conversation today?
me: because you won't let it go.
him: well, no. because i don't agree.
 

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Me: Do you have a favorite month?
INFP: Mmmm, I don't think so. When I was a kid I think...why?
Me: I was just talking with my boyfriend about my favorite month, September.
INFP: Why September?
Me: Everything becomes more happy, the good part of the year starts and you know, spring:proud:
INFP: I am never happy that's why I don't have a favorite month.


:laughing:
 

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INTJ 1: But what is it really? People seem intimidated by me.
INTJ 2: Well, you have this, how should I call it, half irritated and half sad face when you walk around. Oh! Yes. Angsty.
INTJ 1: Angsty?! I'm not angsty, if you know what's going through my mind most of the time. Ok. Now that made me angsty. Bye.
 

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Helpful wasn't helpful.

Me to ENFJ assistant: DONE!
ENFJ: WHAT?! whatwhatwhatwhat?
Me: I finally got the manual complete. *holds up big bundle of paper* This right here.. holds all the answers you'll ever need about [processes A to Z]
ENFJ: *mild sad face* but... but you're my personal manual. Like an actual human person manual.
Me: And now you have a paper manual and it's even on your harddrive *\0/*
ENFJ: But.. but... I like asking you questions.. *more sadface*
Me: Yeah well.. Now you can also find them yourself. That's good, right? Knowledge and stuff.
ENFJ: Don't you love me anymore? Have I been bugging you too much with my questions?
Me: *lol* It's handy to have and now you can learn more about the actual processes. It's really quite complete. And if you find stuff that needs to be added, you can take ownership of it and just add it.
ENFJ: *Sulk* you hate my questions.
Me: No I don't.
ENFJ: You DO
Me: I need to go now. Meeting.
ENFJ: :(
 

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I don't care that I shouldn't be here.
-dances around thread-

On-topic:

I recently came to the informal conclusion that St. Nicholas and Lucifer are bros. (As in friends, not brothers.)

Why? Krampus.

Here's a monologue I had about it on Skype lmao:

[4:33:37 PM] ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: Companions of Saint Nicholas - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Nick's got a fucking crew
[4:34:27 PM] ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: Was Lucifer like
[4:34:38 PM] ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: "ay bro I got you covered. this guy loves punishing little kids"
[4:34:56 PM] ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: "fuck yeah, Lucifer. thanks. now I don't have to work double-time"
[4:35:00 PM] ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: "no problem bro"
[4:35:10 PM] ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: headcanon: St. Nick and Lucifer are long-time friends
[4:37:15 PM] ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: what if there was a show or something like Saint Onii-san (the one with Jesus and Buddha) but instead it was St. Nicholas and Lucifer
[4:37:44 PM] ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: I'd watch that shit in a heartbeat
[4:38:58 PM] ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: Krampus carries chains, thought to symbolize the binding of the Devil by the Christian Church. He thrashes the chains for dramatic effect. The chains are sometimes accompanied with bells of various sizes.[11] Of more pagan origins are the ruten, bundles of birch branches that Krampus carries and occasionally swats children with.[1]
[4:39:36 PM] ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: Sometimes Krampus appears with a sack or a washtub strapped to his back; this is to cart off evil children for drowning, eating, or transport to Hell. Some of the older versions make mention of naughty children being put in the bag and being taken.[1] This part of the legend refers to the times that the Moors raided the European coasts, and as far as Iceland, to abduct the local people into slavery. This quality can be found in other Companions of Saint Nicholas such as Zwarte Piet.[12]
[4:39:41 PM] ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: he really is from hell
[4:39:48 PM] ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: what if my 'headcanon' is true
[4:40:49 PM] ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: "ay man, I don't blame you for casting away that guy, he was a bit of a dick."
"I know, right?"
"Right."
"So. . .you give good kids gifts when they've been good all year, yeah? What about the bad kids?"
"Hadn't thought about it yet"
[4:41:15 PM] ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: "Okay well if you let this asshole of mine take your bad kids and bring them to Hell, I can save you half the trouble"


". . .sounds good to me lol"
[4:42:42 PM] ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: I may have terrible dark humor sometimes but this one I am not ashamed of
[4:42:48 PM] ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: I think this is legitimately fucking hilarious
[4:43:21 PM] ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: The Feast of St. Nicholas is celebrated in parts of Europe on 6 December. In Alpine countries, Saint Nicholas has a devilish companion named Krampus[13] On the preceding evening, Krampus Night or Krampusnacht, the wicked hairy devil appears on the streets. Sometimes accompanying St Nicholas and sometimes on his own, Krampus visits homes and businesses.[1] The Saint usually appears in the Eastern Rite vestments of a bishop, and he carries a ceremonial staff. Unlike North American versions of Santa Claus, in these celebrations Saint Nicholas concerns himself only with the good children, while Krampus is responsible for the bad. Nicholas dispenses gifts, while Krampus supplies coal and the ruten bundles.[14]
[4:44:34 PM] ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: A Krampuslauf is a run of celebrants dressed as the beast, often fueled by alcohol. It is customary to offer a Krampus schnapps, a strong distilled fruit brandy.[1
[4:44:46 PM] ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: Hello I'm Krampus, and I am an addict
[4:46:33 PM] ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: Krampus appears in various forms, and as part of differing celebrations, throughout central Europe. In Styria, the ruten bundles are presented by Krampus to families. The twigs are painted gold and displayed year-round in the house—a reminder to any child who has temporarily forgotten Krampus. ("You better be a good kid, because Krampus is hardcore")
[4:47:38 PM] ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: I never knew the full details about Krampus
[4:48:27 PM] ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: now all I can imagine is
being his theme song
[4:49:38 PM] ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: -cries silently to self-
[4:50:43 PM] ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: my imagination is a great place
 

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me: OW!
chiropractor with a Bedside Method he's clearly well pleased about: aha, now you see - the reason you didn't hear anything when i went to the left -
me: just a correction. i DID hear it really loud on the left actually. felt it too. it's the right i didn't hear it on.
chiropractor: - is because i was fooling you, see. that wasn't a real adjustment over there on the left. i just wanted you to relax.
me: :dry: you mean that wasn't even IT?
chiropractor: patient has to truuuuust the practitioner, see.
me: dude, i wouldn't still be lying down if i didn't trust you. i'm just
chiropractor: okay, now. here we go. ready? i'm going to waggle your head a little, just to see if -
neck: CRACK
chiropractor: there, you see? you were really relaxed that time, weren't you?
me: no, i was just so confused i gave up.
 

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INFJ: Did you notice that the ESFP is talking a lot about politics lately?
INFP: He always talks about politics.
INFJ: No, he always talks about sports.
INFP: Hey...you. What do you think? Does he talks more about politics or sports?
ESTJ: I don't know, but the only thing I can confirm is that he talks pure bullshits.

Oh, ESTJ. This office wouldn't be the same without you.
 

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Me: *gets a spam text* Hey, Mum, apparently I still haven't claimed for that accident I had.
Mum: What accident?
Me: I don't know. It must have been pretty bad. It's wiped the memory of it from my head and yours.

The next day.
Mum: *gets the same spam text* Looks like I had an accident too.
Me: Jeez, why can't we remember these things?
 

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Text conversation between me and my ISTJ mother:

Mom: Maybe you could invite English majors to our house one evening!
Me: There's no way I would do that
Mom: Why not?
Me: I'm not the right status to be able to ask people to my house
Mom: What status must you have?
Me: "Cool person that people talk to and acknowledge"
 

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INTP girlfriend gets major haircut, like, a foot and a half of hair chopped off haircut without telling INTJ boyfriend that she planned to get it, seeing as she made the choice to get it while walking past the hair salon. Sees him that evening.

INTP: Really though, do you like it? I mean it is a big change and I kind of didn't warn anyone, so uh . . .
INTJ: No! I like it! Now I can see your face without a foot of hair! Also, with the stylish glasses and the orange shirt, you look like Gordon Freeman!
INTP: From Half Life? Wow!
INTJ: *backpedalling a bit* I mean that in a good way!
INTP: *actually feeling complimented* Thank you! ^_^
 

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INTP girlfriend gets major haircut, like, a foot and a half of hair chopped off haircut without telling INTJ boyfriend that she planned to get it, seeing as she made the choice to get it on impulse while walking past the hair salon. Sees him that evening.

INTP: Really though, do you like it? I mean it is a big change and I kind of didn't warn anyone, so uh . . .
INTJ: No! I like it! Now I can see your face without a foot of hair! Also, with the stylish glasses and the orange shirt, you look like Gordon Freeman!
INTP: From Half Life? Wow!
INTJ: *backpedalling a bit* I mean that in a good way!
INTP: *actually feeling complimented* Thank you! ^_^
Got bangs on a whim last week.

Me: Still like the haircut? :p
INTJ bf: Yes :p
Me: I don't know if I like it, I'm not sure if it makes me look immature.
bf: What? *shakes head* I don't think so.
Me: feels like a little girl haircut I guess :p
bf: :p *shakes head more* no.
Me: Okay, that is comforting.
 

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Male ESFP colleague who I've got nothing to do with: Hello, Miss, hurr durr durr.
Me: *ignore*

repeat dozens of times over the course of several years, then:

ESFP: Hello, Miss, hurr durr durr.
Me thinks: Hang on, he's done this so many times now, he wouldn't think that 'Hello, Miss' is a pick-up line would he? Nah, not even he would be that stupid. *ignore*

ESFP: Happy Valentine's day, Miss, hurr durr durr.
Me: *ignore*

Staff night out at a pub:
ESFP: Hurr durr durr, Miss, hurr durr.
Me: *bored*
husband comes to pick me up.
ESFP sees husband, bolts away.
Me thinks: So he did think that a greeting is a pick-up line? Obviously, if I wasn't married I'd be totally smitten because some random person greets me. He wasted 4 years of his life thinking I wasn't married and 'Hello' would do the trick?
 

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ESFP: Can you send me the new episode of suits?
Me: I just streamed it. I'll just give you the link to the site

ESFP: It comes up with some error message
Me: Ok, i'll just send you a link to the video.

ESFP: It says I need to register and pay.
Me: It's a free streaming site :frustrating:. You literally just press play.


What he lacks in 'computing skills' he makes up for in people skills
 

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ISTJ husband is normally not interested in MBTI at all, because he claims that it sticks people in boxes and is generally irrelevant.

Outside our house:
Neighbour: Hello :)
ISTJ: Hello.
Me: *ignore*
a bit later:
ISTJ: I think the neighbour is an ENTP.
Me: Really? I didn't pay attention to him.
ISTJ: Yes, he's got that ENTP face: he smirks and he has those big eyes.

a few months later:
Neighbour to ISTJ: Hello there. :)
ISTJ: :) :) :)
ENTP: *goes into his house*
ISTJ: Hehehe, the troll.
Me: ?
ISTJ: Hehehe, he winked at me. Hehehe.
Me: You love your trolls, eh?
ISTJ: Hm.
 

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Professors

oldish linguistics professor: Why is it that old people can't distinguish between sounds in a foreign language and sounds in their mother tongue and pronounce the new ones as if they were a realization of the phoneme from their mother tongue?

Me: Because they're deaf.

professor: Huh?

Me: Nothing.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was wearing a pointy woolly hat a bit like this:




quirky ENTJ professor: Why are you wearing that hat?
Me: If I have to look like a spazz, I'd better do it properly.
ENTJ: Heheheheh. Why do you roll your Rs like that, do you speak Low German [a northern German dialect]?
Me: No, I've just come from a Norwegian class.
ENTJ: What are you studying Norwegian for? Hardly anybody speaks Norwegian.
Me: I'm learning it for fun.
ENTJ: That's useless.


ENTJ professor in a seminar about Afghanistan: The U.S. military is destroying opium fields in Afghanistan. After decades the Afghan people have finally understood the principles of a liberal market economy and then the U.S. tell them that they are doing it wrong again.


Same ENTJ professor in an exam: What can you tell me about town planning in [this and that part of the city].
Me: *information download covering every aspect of the topic*
ENTJ: *smirk* *smirk* Have you ever been to [this part of the city].
Me: Oh yes, as it happens I only went there yesterday.. accidentally.
ENTJ: *smirk* Indeed? Do your observations confirm what it says in the literature or did you notice anything that has changed?
Me: *information download of observations*
ENTJ: Have you come across any theoretical explanations of [this and that phenomenon].
Me: Well, they say [this and that].
ENTJ: *glare* WHO ARE "THEY"?
Me: :shocked: [Name1 & Name2, 2002, page X.]
ENTJ: *smirk* I'll give you an A. Just about.
 

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Manager, most likely INTJ, calls me into her office

Manager: So we've decided to give you a raise. You're going from low, to high in the scale.
Me: Whut? Why??
Manager: I'm giving you extra money and you're asking me why
Me: I just.. guess I didn't see it coming at all. But thanks, that's great.
Manager: We wanted to recognize the work you've done over the past few months.
Me: I can live with that.
Manager: There's one condition but. You'll have to do [massive major] report in the next month.
Me: So if I say no, I'm not getting the raise.
Manager: Technically, yes.
Me: *grin* Not doing the report
Manager: too bad. I've already let HR know. You're stuck with it.
Me: Yeah was a joke anyway.
Manager: Good.
Me: Good. Coffee?
 

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ISTJ co-worker and me are becoming friends. I think we leveled up today.

Preparing for a meeting in a meeting room
ISTJ: [grumble grumble rarara stupid meeting growl]
Me: Sooo.. how's your day going so far *smile*
ISTJ: Oh I know.. I'm just tired
Me: Yeah I noticed you don't seem to be having the best couple of weeks... you.. ok?
ISTJ: I'm just tired
Me: sooo.. like mentally tired or physically tired?
ISTJ: Both.
Me: would you like me to stop asking you questions
ISTJ: *rubs face* no 's okay. Thanks for asking really.
[5 minutes of quiet preparation follow]
ISTJ: Ok so I haven't told anyone yet but *whispers* I actually just found out I'm pregnant and I'm feeling like shit
Me: *omg! Spontaneous hug* That's so awesome! (loud whisper)
ISTJ: [blink] ...[pause] .... I Got A HUG!
Me: [awkward] yah.. hm.
ISTJ: .... [ENFJ] is going to be so jealous when I tell her that I got a spontaneous hug.
Me: Let's go back to preparing this meeting
ISTJ: yes. Let's do that [nod]
 
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