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N: Did you see your dad last week?
Pon: Yeah
N: So how was it?
Pon: Short
N: Huh?
Pon: It was short.
N: Did he shrink?
Pon: What?
N: You said short, so did he shrink or something?
Pon: *lol* no, the visit was short.
 

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ISFP: Oh my god, is there a fly in here?!
INTJ: Yes.
ISFP: Get rid of it!
INTJ: Fine. Where's that newspaper?
ISFP: I put it away...
INTJ: -tracks down noise of distressed buzzing-
ISFP: Did you get it?
INTJ: Oh, nope. Don't need to. The spider got it.
ISFP: Oh my god, there's a spider in here?!
INTJ: Yes.
ISFP: Where is it?!
INTJ: In the window sill.
ISFP: Get rid of it!
INTJ: Noooo!
ISFP: It's going to bite me!
INTJ: No she won't, she got the fly for you! What a good girl. :kitteh:
ISFP: :dry:
 

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had this conversation with my sister today

her: i'm going to go and get rolfed.
me: do it. and then report back
her: *short silence* rolfer not calling me back. i'm googling osteopaths.
me: hee.
her: oh good grief. (something like) "how does the practitioner be so awesome? by being so deeeeeeeeply in tune with their own body and all of its needs they are able to help everyone else" okay, skip osteopathy then.
me: nono, do eet. they sound like fun.
her: get real. why should i pay them two hundred dollars to spend an hour being that far up their own personal ass? let them do that on their own personal dime.
 

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Delphic Seer
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xNTJ: Please remember me as a peacemaker…
INFP: But you’re not even a pacifist!
xNTJ: That’s right, I never said I was...
INFP: [confused] :confused:
xNTJ: You know, being a peacemaker and being a pacifist are two very different things...
INFP: [still confused] :confused:
xNTJ: Bahaha :laughing:
 

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Yes it's me, back with the daily INTJ adventures.

---

(So we have a group chat for the Youth Group at my church, my bro being one of the leaders. And he...)



^THIS. HE SENDS THIS. Every time someone is confused about something he is basically calling them dumbasses bc he's the only one that apparently knows what he's doing. :mellow:

---

INTJ: (Going about his last criticisms of the evening.)
Me: No one cares about your criticisms you doof. -__- Leave me alone.
INTJ: YOU don't care bc you don't listen.
Me: You know what I figured it out. I think you're an SX 1 (I hadn't guessed what subtype he was)
INTJ: What's that.
Me: As opposed to the SO 1 that attempts to be exemplary, the SX 1 acts all superior and shite and criticizes everyone. :mad:
INTJ: Isn't that great tho? It means I'm superior and get to impose my wrath on everyone. :3 What other type could anyone possibly want to be?

(no hate on SX 1s btw I just hate on him when he pisses me off loll)

---

Me: (slumped over bc I'm a failure)
INTJ: What;s wrong.
Me: I'm a failure.
INTJ: Why.
Me: Bc I messed up on the scones..
INTJ: Yeah you messed up last time too.
Me: ............

---

(Youth Service is at 7pm. Group chat, ENFP let's us know he's unfortunately going to be late)

INTJ: (starts the service with the Bible passage ENFP was going to read. Just as he finishes, ENFP arrives.)
INTJ: *closes Bible* And ENFP is here.
ESFP to ISFJ: *whispers* (((he's so angryyy..)))


 

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Why do you want to know my vehicle details.
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Okay! I think I've waited long enough to continue writing. Also, remembering stuff is surprisingly hard. Especially the not-so-exciting detailed parts.

Continuation of post #3800 on page 380, post #3809 & 3810 on page 381, post#3812, 3813, 3814, 3818, 3819 on page 382 and post #3822 & 3827 on page 383:

*Day 4 on Thursday*
*At ENFJ's and IST's shop with Me/INTJ and INTJ, finalizing the drawings to be hammered out*
INTJ: Yes, that should do nicely. [ESFP] called me earlier to let us know the plates should be here tomorrow on express shipment.
Me/INTJ: Yeah, she called me last night, saying she could have the shipment here almost immediately since they recast all the leftover titanium they had around, into the plates I had ordered.
INTJ: Yes, and I get the fourth one. The timeline is not working against us at least. [IST], I must insist that as soon as you receive shipment, that you begin working immediately on forming the plates. Cold forging will be impossible and hot forging will ruin the integrity of the metal, so you must warm forge 2 centimeter thick plates, which will take a lot of work.
IST: Yes, I've asked [ENTJ] to act an apprentice since we don't have much time to bang out a test copy and two more identical copies within 5 days.
Me/INTJ: Yeah, the two of you try to hammer out that test sheet as soon as you can. The police chief agreed to let me use the department's main ballistics lab in the evenings and I'd like to start testing for characteristics as soon as possible.
INTJ: Excellent. That should go far to putting your mind at ease. Also, I have brought some angled wedges to make the curvatures needed. I will color code each one with the corresponding sections on the drawings.
Me/INTJ: Okay, awesome. If you'll excuse me, I have some more things I need made up. [ENFJ], can you make me up some badges?
ENFJ: Sure. What kind of badge and what kind of metal?
Me/INTJ: *shows her a drawing in my notebook then pulls a bar of palladium out of my side bag and places it on the counter* With this. I bought it off of [ESFP] as she was looking to sell it since her buyer backed out last minute. Think you can have all three ready by tomorrow?
ENFJ: I'm guessing you want the badge to be perfectly circular with straight lines? Also, what's this dot above the star for?
Me/INTJ: Yes, please. I'm not very good at drawing and art never was my thing, hahah. Ah, that's a socket to insert a small gemstone in. I haven't acquired the stones yet but I will tomorrow.
ENFJ: Hm... I think I can manage that. Is by noon tomorrow okay? I can insert the gemstones then. That oughta be easy and fairly quick.
Me/INTJ: Yes, that'll be fine and thank you.
ENFJ: So I can make these for you right quick but... who are they for? Seems awfully expensive to keep as a badge, even without the gems.
Me/INTJ: Ah, well, I'm meeting up with three... lets just say, very important people, tomorrow and I wanted to give them a unique badge each. As a symbol... of what this town can become once Lindee and his gang are dealt with.
ENFJ: Oooh, can I know who these three are?
Me/INTJ: Instead of me telling you who they are, why don't you come for the ceremony on the other side of the plaza tomorrow?
ENFJ: Sounds fun. I'd like to see who exactly are these three mysterious VIPs. *grinning*
 

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I was asked this the other day:

Christian Minister (met in passing)

"May I ask where you are in relation to religion?"

INTJ - Me

"Do you really want my thoughts on that?"

Minister

"Yes. Of course".

INTJ - ME

"Everyone throughout history has a different definition of the word 'religion'. So the question is always a dificult one.
Reminds me of the Indian Fable, 'The 7? Blind Men Of Indostan and thier first encounter with an elephant'. Based on that, I don't think there's any answer to your question that anyone can agree on. . . . . . .
Maybe the shortest answer about 'religion' is that people 'need' religion and go from there. . . I don't know."

Minister likely thinking. . . . (I wish I never asked. . . . . . )

kamuela:puffer:
 

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Other person:

"You know, what you "should" do is. . . . . . (fill in whatever they say because you've already tuned them out/ mute)."

INTJ:

"Wow. You're pretty sharp. (or other placating phrase) I'll keep it in mind (yea right)."
"I gotta go now." (run away).
 

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Plague Doctor
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*Enters Chat with INTP & INFP*
INTJ: Do you know if all boys "adjust"?
INTP: wtf. probably...?
INTJ: Why did you internet cuss at me?
INTP: Why are you asking INFP that too lol? You could have asked me in person.
INTJ: You weren't around.
INTP: Oh.
INTJ: I'm sorry I asked INFP. I didn't know it was that big of a deal. I thought if all boys did it, it wasn't a big deal and if all boys DON'T do it, then maybe he wouldn't know what it was hehe.
INTP: No, it's fine.
INFP: I don't know what that is?
INTP: haha
INTJ: See?
 

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Mom/teacher feely-type coworker, ISFJ if I had to guess: We’re almost done for the year! Yess! Have you heard anything, are you moving to England? (I heard more like “do you know if you’re moving to England?” but upon hindsight, she probably asked it like what I wrote there)
Me: nahh :/
Her: oh!!! I’m so sorry!! (Sounds like I told her some relative died)
Me: *confused by empathetic heart-felt sadness reaction* wait— what did you ask me?
Her: *look of confusion/stun* uh..England? Are you going?
Me: oh, ok. That’s what I thought! Sorry, I wasn’t sure. Yeah it’s a process, it’s not totally out. I know it will just be a wait to find the right job to sponsor me.
Her: are you ok?? It’s so hard!
Me: oh. Yeah. I’m fine. I mean, I really hope I get something soon but I knew it would be a wait and see.
Her: ok! Well I will be fingers crossed!
Me: thanks!

And this is how I get into confusing conversations with people sometimes. Reactions that don’t match what I think I am saying but...apparently..do? Lol I just liked that I managed to throw her off too by my confusion hahaha compounded confusion! Woo!
 

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Conversation I had with my 7 year old while we were reading together last night:

INxJ: “What does empathy mean?”
Me: “It’s when you can put yourself in someone else’s shoes in order to understand what they’re feeling.”
INxJ: *blinking*
Me: “Well, remember when I cried after your Mother’s Day performance? You came up to me, wiped the tears off my face and wrapped your arms around my neck?”
INxJ: “Yeah, but I don’t think I was feeling what you were feeling though. I just felt bad for you...”
*both chortling*
Me: “Ah, my mistake! I guess that’s a better example for sympathy then, kid.”
*chortling intensifies*
 

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Wife: Did you close the garage door?

Me: (looking up from laptop) What?

Wife: (louder with feeling) I said, did you close the garage door!?

Me: I'm right here. Why do you have to yell?
. . . . . .
. . . . . . (wife walking away to check it herself). . . . .
. . . . . .
Wife: (yelling from downstairs) That's all right. I closed it earlier . . . . (something inaudible). . . . .


I don't know how common this is amongst retired couples. . . .
 

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Knavish Equerry
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INTJ: Dementia is just a myth young people created to disrespect their elders.
ENFP: ...
ENFP: Disrespect is just a myth elders created to psychologically manipulate minors into thinking they don't have dementia.

INTJ: You have a point...
ENFP: :laughing:
 

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This is not an excerpt but a story. A few months ago my intj brother was staying with me before he flew out for his new job (he's my older bro) and he came up with an idea that we should photoshop pictures of our younger brother's dead dog on stage with the old pastor of the church my mom attended when we were young.

I don't know how he came up with this idea but we both found it hilarious. I was like "He is never going to be stupid enough to think that Billy Joe (our brothers little pug that ran away like 10 years ago) was taken by Pastor Rick". Lmao. Any ways we spent like 30 minutes photoshopping the picture and it looked real. We had the dog on stage with Pastor Rick as he preached. My brother told me to call our younger brother and put it on speaker so we could text him the pic and break the "bad news" that we found out what happened to his dog. As soon as our brother picked up the phone neither one of us could talk because we were crying laughing...haha it was so stupid and hilarious.
 

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(True Recent Event)

Car Salesman: Can I help you folks?

INTJ with INFJ (spouse): We would like to look at the inside of this Honda Passport Elite and then test drive it. But it is locked.

Car Salesman: We were looking for the keys earlier but can't find them. One of the other salesman could've taken the keys home with him. It's the only Honda Pilot Elite here, though. Can I show you another model?'

INTJ: I guess there's no point in going any further if you don't have the key. Can you get us a brochure for the Honda Passport Elite?

Car Salesman: You know, I think I'll get one of the guys to help me look for that key one more time. Can you hold on?

INTJ: I don't see the point in that since you said the keys are not here.

Car Salesman: (pause) (sigh) . (pleading). . . can you please hold on a few minutes and we'll look for those keys one more time?. . . .

Car Salesman #2 approaches: How can I help you folks today?

INTJ to INFJ (spouse): ready to go? I'm hungry. . . . .


INTJ's do not like to waste time on matters that go nowhere. . . . . .. .. . .
 

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my squishy programmer (and fellow middle-aged techie) friend.

me: some days i think the main reason i come to work is because work has people i can make jokes to.
her : hah
me: sometimes i catch myself actually thinking they should keep me around for no other reason than that. because i'm funny. i am, but it ain't really a market skill in its own right
her: people love it that i'm funny.
me: so do i. but you contribute too.
*time passes*
me: i just had to send a sheepish email to a developer i've been chicken-littling at, and say 'um, so. i was looking in the dev database'
her: HAH
me: he said 'well, at least we now know that we have one.
her: see? you do contribute.

also, i've been opera-obsessed. so i found this conversation in the youtube comments for a monster of a rossini aria called il piu lieto:

a: rossini must have really hated tenors
b: rossini must have hated everyone. he must have loathed baritones since he wrote the role of figaro, he despised tenors (as seen here), mezzos were definitely his favourite victims (adina, rosina, angelina, etc.), sopranos also suffer him from time to time. hell, even the role of basilio (bass) is unnecessarily hard. and seeing that rosina was actually written as a role for a contralto, he must have hated them too. he probably only liked countertenors

(there's practically no such thing as work for countertenors. because there's practically no such thing as countertenors, apparently)
 

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ISFP: Can you help me?
INTJ: Sure, what is it?
ISFP: I have something stuck in the side of my face.
INTJ: … what?
ISFP: It's been bothering me... I think it's a stitch from a procedure I had years ago...
INTJ: Are you sure? It could be a splinter...
ISFP: Can you check and see?
INTJ: -inspects- Huh. I do see something there.
ISFP: Can you pull it out?
INTJ: -gets tweezers- Yeah, I got it... -tugs-

-5 mm long string that looks like dental floss comes out of her face-

INTJ: :shocked:
ISFP: Did you get it?
INTJ: Yes...… it..... how long ago was this procedure?
ISFP: Oh, a long time ago, I don't know. It's been bothering me for a while. It feels much better now, thanks!
INTJ: :shocked::bored:
 

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ENTJ coworker: *starts singing “Baby shark”*

Me: *death glares at him with a crochet hook in hand while working on a new project on break*

ENTJ: don’t give me that look, you can’t do crap with that thing

Me: the ancient Egyptians used hooks to remove the brain of a mummy by shoving it up the nose...

ENTJ: 0_O

Me: *smirks*

ENTJ: you’re evil

Me: I take that as a compliment
 
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