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there's a new guy in my life. he's the process server.

me: hello, is this [guy's name]?
him: yup.
me: hi, this is lily x. i wrote to you a few weeks ago about -
him: lily! of course! girl, let me tell you. that buttface person i served for [lawyer] . . .
me: *pops corn* oh yeah?

* time passes*

him: . . . and the first words out of her mouth were 'you're an ex-cop, aren't you.'
me: huh.
him: oh yes. because she can read people, you see. that's the first thing she tells me. 'i can read people'.
me: oh yeah. did she tell you the fbi fantasy?
him: darlin', what didn't she tell me. i got the [] and the [] and ooooo, let's not forget the []
me: :laughing:
him: course, i'm nothing near an ex cop.
me: THANK you for telling me that. i mean, i would have sucked it up if you had been, but -
him: i didn't contradict her though. i could tell she liked me.
me: :laughing::laughing::laughing:
him: just so long as i got the package into her hands.
me: just cover your ass. that's the sort of thing she later decides was YOUR doing, not hers. next thing you know you're being sued for fraud and false pretenses and impersonating an officer and who knows what all.
him: *suddenly sober* you're serious, aren't you.
me: i'm just saying. never let go of your deniability around her.
him: yeah . . . i can see it, actually.
 

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INTJ I think the tangerines made my croissant moldy. I found a few moldy tangerines in the bowl and threw them out. My croissant had spots of mold on it. I could barely see them but they were there.

INFP I checked my croissant after you warned me and it was ok. I ate it. It wasn't next to the tangerines though. They don't taste amazing. We can juice them.

INTJ I can juice them.

INFP I can juice them next week when I am back for good

INTJ I will juice them. If you love me, let me juice them

I do notice that the house is considerably tidier when I am not living in it.
 

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Sent this pik to a friend of a dolphin feeding. Was able to take a pik of the fin......... (zoom in - center of pik)

IMG_0657.jpg

ME: just took this: Dolphin swimmin see the fin?

Friend: I see the fin; Thanx! A yr ago I was in Maui and saw lotsa whales - I guess they winter there. How do you know its a dolphin? Is it a shark? How can you tell?

ME: I saw it surface & breathe 3 times b 4 I could get my camera & take the pik.
It said to me: "Jonn I'm not a shark. Can't you see the hole in the top of my head where I breathe? It's not as big as the 1 in the top of yours, Jonny Boi, but dude mine worx!

Friend: :laughing::laughing::laughing:
 
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m y whole day seems to have been about food. squishy programmer decided to make her own raspberry vinaigrette yesterday (in one of those giant rv things, hardly a major kitchen. i have no idea why, but we discussed how she could best thicken it from her meagre existing pantry) for HOURS, all day.

her: hummus? oil? mustard? peanuts?
me: no.
her: sardines . . .
me: just eat the lettuce. it will not kill you.
her: but it's a salad! i need salad dressing ... marshmallows?
me: you're not oscar the grouch. eat the lettuce.

and then i go downstairs at lunchtime and someone on the floor i went to was eating something out of a jar that . . . look, i know fermenting foodstuffs is all the new rage in these post-paleo days, but there's limits. i'm not making it up that even before i went through the glass doors i thought there was an electrical fire going on. turned out to be this extra-next-level food faddist's 'lunch'.
 

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-weird beeping noises-

ESTJ: What is that?
INTJ: I don't know... -looks around- It sounds louder right here...
ESTJ: Is it the door?
INTJ: No it.. oh... oh no. It's my phone... -pulls phone out of pocket and stares at it- Oh shit. I'm not telling you what it is. :laughing:
ESTJ: -eyes wide- What is it? You have to tell me!! What... is it... why are you turning red? Is it something sexy?
INTJ: It's.... it's... oh god this is embarrassing...
ESTJ: -edge of seat-
INTJ: It is my Stargazing app. It was tracking a satellite. See? -shows satellite on screen beeping-
ESTJ: :bored: You're such a fucking nerd and I hate you. Go away.
LMAO! I've never done this, but I totally can see myself doing it.

Me: *alarm goes off*
Friend: What's that?
Me: Moonrise.
Friend: WTF?
Me: I have an app on my phone that rings when the moon is rising.
Friend: WTF would you even have that?
Me: I dunno, useful information.
 
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me to self: you don't have lurgy
self to me: no objective reason why i would be different from people who do.
me to self: nevertheless you do not have lurgy.
squishy programmer friend: i d say it's unlikely you do.
me to friend: true. you're refusing to go to vegas with family though.
sp friend: true. okay, you're right. obviously this shows that you do have lurgy.
me: :laughing::laughing:

me: the question is, how would it even work if i do? *dials health line*
government health line: we don't think you have lurgy.
me: okay.
 

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Sire Dominus Laird
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-weird beeping noises-

ESTJ: What is that?
INTJ: I don't know... -looks around- It sounds louder right here...
ESTJ: Is it the door?
INTJ: No it.. oh... oh no. It's my phone... -pulls phone out of pocket and stares at it- Oh shit. I'm not telling you what it is. :laughing:
ESTJ: -eyes wide- What is it? You have to tell me!! What... is it... why are you turning red? Is it something sexy?
INTJ: It's.... it's... oh god this is embarrassing...
ESTJ: -edge of seat-
INTJ: It is my Stargazing app. It was tracking a satellite. See? -shows satellite on screen beeping-
ESTJ: :bored: You're such a fucking nerd and I hate you. Go away.
I would find that so cute.
But perhaps I wouldn't be as fun since I couldn't hate you.
 

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I would find that so cute.
But perhaps I wouldn't be as fun since I couldn't hate you.
This reminds me of my marine tracking app. I hang out at so many beaches all over Murahka and have always been involved in boating, etc that I've become a shippping freighter junky always wanting to know what freighters ships were in my area.

<<<<<<<----------------take it frum a koon!

Enjoy!
https://www.marinetraffic.com/en/ais/home/centerx:-94.4/centery:34.2/zoom:5
 
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LMAO! I've never done this, but I totally can see myself doing it.

Me: *alarm goes off*
Friend: What's that?
Me: Moonrise.
Friend: WTF?
Me: I have an app on my phone that rings when the moon is rising.
Friend: WTF would you even have that?
Me: I dunno, useful information.
I have a star app too and my partner humours me luckily, we spend an entire evening every now and again finding constellations a night *-*
 

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I have a star app too and my partner humours me luckily, we spend an entire evening every now and again finding constellations a night *-*
Nice. I took astronomy (two semesters) at a community college, so I learned a lot of constellations and star names and even Messier designations, but I haven't kept up with it. M31=Andromeda is probably the only Messier I remember.
 
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I have a star app too and my partner humours me luckily, we spend an entire evening every now and again finding constellations a night *-*
D'aw. I could stare at the night sky for hours. My partner gets bored after a while.

We might be under different constellations, but I'd go a-stargazing with you, and we could bring Lord Thanksalot along. :tongue:
 

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D'aw. I could stare at the night sky for hours. My partner gets bored after a while.

We might be under different constellations, but I'd go a-stargazing with you, and we could bring Lord Thanksalot along. :tongue:
Years back when I still had boats;

<<<<<------------------take it frum a koon!

I sometimes would go out in the middle of Lake Michigan by myself when it was a calm & clear night and shut the engine down & just float out there all night and gaze at the sky, stars, planets, satellites, shooting stars, etc. 40 miles from each of the Michigan & Wisconsin coasts with no land in sight, horizon to horizon. Talk about No Light Pollution as I wouldn't have my lights on till I was ready to go to sleep or if I spotted a freighter/nuther boat. Just using my binoculars I could see many of Jupiter's moons and Saturns rings would be so cool. Was absolutely awesome and is one of the few things I miss about having one of my former boats.......
 
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Italian class today

Instructor: Okay so
Io = mi chiamo
Tu = ti chiami
lui/lei = si chiama

Me: Why "si"?
Instructor: Because.... it's just si.
Me: But there is already a "si." That's confusing.
Instructor:... so IO is MI. TU is TI....
Me: No, it's ok. I understand that that's how it is. This is more of a protest than lack of comprehension.

Language, man.
 

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Me: *standing in the elevator*
*Elevator stops at a floor, old man is standing there*
Old man: "Is it OK?"
Me: "Yeah sure!"
*Old man steps in, holds his breath*
*I'm standing in the corner, reading elevator notice about desinfecting*
Whoops.

...If this is how prepared we are for the world out there, we've got a lot to worry about... :eek:
 

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Where I live there has been a trend in the last years. People with (or without) any education or life experience calling themselves "life coaches" and advertising their services as very similar to therapy. It's normally a variety of cheap motivational talk ("if you believe in it, everything is possible") or some other hokus pokus (e.g. "the life gives you what you expect it to give you").

I've met a guy lately. He wrote me after our first meeting and we started to talk. It soon became apparent, he was a coach. A graduate of Spanish philology who discovered he needs to help people find their real selves. This resulted in this exchange:

He: Plenty of people turn to life coaches. This means they are useful and needed and good.

Me: Sorry, that's illogical.

He: It's perfectly logical!

Me: Plenty of people take cocaine. Does it mean it's useful and needed and good?

He: I don't understand you. You are so close-minded.

x____X
 

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people. i joined this team meeting early last week.

me: hey, anyone here?
other person: yup. just drinking my *slurp* mushroom tea.
me: o_O
op: protects against covid.
my brain: oh jesus. oh cringe.
person 3: *joins*
p2: it's proven to protect you. very old chinese medicine.
my brain: no, dipshit. because covid is not 'very old'. please shut up.
p3: what?
p2: *more drivel*
long silence.
p2: in fact the chinese name of the mushroom means [i'm making this up] 'strong lung fungus.'
p3, the tact queen: i always enjoy how blunt the chinese names for things are. they just go straight to the point.
moving on.

and then a few days later i join the same meeting late.

p2: ... so they dissected some bats . . . and rabies. yes, and besides, polar bears.
huh?
others: *silence*
p2: because all those have hollow hair.
what?
p2: except humans. so that's how they realised. humans can't make their own vitamin c
everyone: *silence*
p2: so, obviously. everyone should be taking massive doses of vitamin c. because they have not found one single bat with covid.
good fuck.
p2: that's why i drink mushroom tea.
to turn yourself into a bat?
tact queen, finally: well, it can't hurt, i suppose.
me: actually, yes. pretty sure that it can. *does not tell home-abortion-instructions story from 1999*
 

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ENFJ:
(storms ahead, glances into entrance hall)
(turns, glares at ENFP with immense vexation)
(enraged)
"Are you the one that keeps opening that door?!!" :mad:

ENFP:
(peers over laptop)
(beaming; clearly enthused)
"Oh, yeah! I love that door!!!"

ENFJ: ...
(pauses, deeply confused)
"Are you drunk, ENFP?"
(meanders away, door remains open)
 
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