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596 Posts
The continuing struggles of being the resident “Mom/therapist friend”

ISFP friend with guy trouble: you know what, I’m not going to just let him have me back so easily. He’ll have to earn me back!

Me: just be the bigger person and learn to love yourself

ISFP friend literally 2 weeks later: I made a booty call because I got drunk!

And now I have:

INFP best friend: I’m torn between a guy who treats me well and encourages me and my dumb ass boyfriend who basically abandoned me for the military and doesn’t give a crap about my emotional well-being


But they’re my idiots...

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129 Posts
ESFJ: My family has lived here for six generations. There are so many of us around here, I was related to most of the people in my high school. We were homesteaders. We were farmers. My cousin is still a farmer.
Me: What does he grow?
ESFJ: Corn and barley.
Me: What is the barley used for, beer?
ESFJ: I don't know. I don't farm.

2,759 Posts
Granny: Uh huh. How you doing?
Me: I'm fine.
Granny: How's the kitty?
Me: He's good~ his booty's better too
Granny: Well that's good cuz constipation ain't nothing to play with I know how that poor cat feels
Me: (lol) yeah
Granny: So are you bored?
Me: Nope. I'm reading and relaxing.
Granny: You don't wanna go outside or nothing?
Me: Nah, it's not a big deal for now.
Granny: Oh, well. I know you can't wait to go back to work now, inna??
Me: Nope.
Granny: No, really? Not even a lil bit?
Me: Nah, I'm good.
Granny: You don't want to see your coworkers?
Me: :dry:
Granny: laughs

She then went on to tell me how she trolled gentrifiers trying to buy her house. Good to see she still has her spirits about her.

11,150 Posts
spell check. it's like it's got an auto-immune disorder or something. this morning just fine, then by bedtime:

programmer friend[miles and miles away]: so, have you decided who you're going to double-bubble with?
me: what? nobody, silly. why would i want to do that?
her: i abuse myself
me: [so. many. thoughts.]
her: aMMMMMMMMMuse myself. i aMMMMMMMMMuse myself
me: ahhh.
her: fucking spellcheck.
me: seaweed.
her: huh?
me: watusi.
her: yours is out of bed again too, huh.
[unison crosspost]: fucking spellcheck.

1,397 Posts
Working behind bullet-proof glass...

Me: It is hard to hear behind the glass.
Guy: Oh, but it is really bullet proof!
Me: Yes.
Guy: -continues- I know because once I got a sheet of it that was being thrown out, took it home and fired at it. It didn't penetrate at all!
Me: …
Guy: So you're definitely protected from bullets!
Me: … But not from charm.
Guy: …
Me: … -wry smile hidden under mask-
Guy: -walks off awkwardly-
Me: Thank you! Have a nice day!

Being a shit is too much fun sometimes.

596 Posts
ESFP friend: there’s no way I’m an extrovert, I hate people...

Me: (me being the sarcastic smart ass that I am) But, I’m people

ESFP: but you don’t make dumb small talk and actually have intelligent things to say

Me: awww...

ESFP: Also, go to Target with me because I’m lonely

Me: you’re such an extrovert

ESFP: stop making it sound like an insult!

Me: I’m not! I’ll go to Target with you!

ESFP: and don’t try finding a way to get out of it because you’re a reclusive hermit

Me: I would never!

ESFP: *skeptical eyebrow raise*

Me: fine...extrovert


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11,150 Posts
me to self: you don't have lurgy
self to me: no objective reason why i would be different from people who do.
me to self: nevertheless you do not have lurgy.
squishy programmer friend: i d say it's unlikely you do.
me to friend: true. you're refusing to go to vegas with family though.
sp friend: true. okay, you're right. obviously this shows that you do have lurgy.
me: :laughing::laughing:

me: the question is, how would it even work if i do? *dials health line*
government health line: we don't think you have lurgy.
me: okay.
11 weeks later...

The government : want to hand over some of your blood? We're curious now to find out if you did have lurgy.

I don't begrudge it to them. Spending t&e tests that they had on the people they did at the time has clearly worked out quite well. I'm curious about it myself, too.

11,150 Posts
this developer continues to show signs of being either an introvert, on the edge of something psycho-medical, or just an extremely well-camouflaged maverick. today he's silent all day and then suddenly surfaces with:

him: hey, can you look me up in the database?
me: your personal self?
him: yeah. i just need my time stamps.
me: here's your timestamps
me: good to know
me: anything else?
him: yes; i'd like to thank my parents for believing in me ...
me: fine, i'll just leave you to get on with that then

INTJ 583 sx/sp
456 Posts
Me: [Posts a photo of some Brown Cheese flavored ice cream.]
Me: Teh fuck is this?
Sister (INFP): Bleeeegh! I heard they released a potato snack with that flavor, too 🤪🤢

10 minutes later.

Me: Not bad, until all I could taste was brown cheese 🥴
Sister (INFP): 😂😂😂😂
3941 - 3949 of 3949 Posts