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597 Posts
The continuing struggles of being the resident “Mom/therapist friend”

ISFP friend with guy trouble: you know what, I’m not going to just let him have me back so easily. He’ll have to earn me back!

Me: just be the bigger person and learn to love yourself

ISFP friend literally 2 weeks later: I made a booty call because I got drunk!

And now I have:

INFP best friend: I’m torn between a guy who treats me well and encourages me and my dumb ass boyfriend who basically abandoned me for the military and doesn’t give a crap about my emotional well-being


But they’re my idiots...

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131 Posts
ESFJ: My family has lived here for six generations. There are so many of us around here, I was related to most of the people in my high school. We were homesteaders. We were farmers. My cousin is still a farmer.
Me: What does he grow?
ESFJ: Corn and barley.
Me: What is the barley used for, beer?
ESFJ: I don't know. I don't farm.

2,760 Posts
Granny: Uh huh. How you doing?
Me: I'm fine.
Granny: How's the kitty?
Me: He's good~ his booty's better too
Granny: Well that's good cuz constipation ain't nothing to play with I know how that poor cat feels
Me: (lol) yeah
Granny: So are you bored?
Me: Nope. I'm reading and relaxing.
Granny: You don't wanna go outside or nothing?
Me: Nah, it's not a big deal for now.
Granny: Oh, well. I know you can't wait to go back to work now, inna??
Me: Nope.
Granny: No, really? Not even a lil bit?
Me: Nah, I'm good.
Granny: You don't want to see your coworkers?
Me: :dry:
Granny: laughs

She then went on to tell me how she trolled gentrifiers trying to buy her house. Good to see she still has her spirits about her.

11,170 Posts
spell check. it's like it's got an auto-immune disorder or something. this morning just fine, then by bedtime:

programmer friend[miles and miles away]: so, have you decided who you're going to double-bubble with?
me: what? nobody, silly. why would i want to do that?
her: i abuse myself
me: [so. many. thoughts.]
her: aMMMMMMMMMuse myself. i aMMMMMMMMMuse myself
me: ahhh.
her: fucking spellcheck.
me: seaweed.
her: huh?
me: watusi.
her: yours is out of bed again too, huh.
[unison crosspost]: fucking spellcheck.

1,397 Posts
Working behind bullet-proof glass...

Me: It is hard to hear behind the glass.
Guy: Oh, but it is really bullet proof!
Me: Yes.
Guy: -continues- I know because once I got a sheet of it that was being thrown out, took it home and fired at it. It didn't penetrate at all!
Me: …
Guy: So you're definitely protected from bullets!
Me: … But not from charm.
Guy: …
Me: … -wry smile hidden under mask-
Guy: -walks off awkwardly-
Me: Thank you! Have a nice day!

Being a shit is too much fun sometimes.

597 Posts
ESFP friend: there’s no way I’m an extrovert, I hate people...

Me: (me being the sarcastic smart ass that I am) But, I’m people

ESFP: but you don’t make dumb small talk and actually have intelligent things to say

Me: awww...

ESFP: Also, go to Target with me because I’m lonely

Me: you’re such an extrovert

ESFP: stop making it sound like an insult!

Me: I’m not! I’ll go to Target with you!

ESFP: and don’t try finding a way to get out of it because you’re a reclusive hermit

Me: I would never!

ESFP: *skeptical eyebrow raise*

Me: fine...extrovert


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11,170 Posts
me to self: you don't have lurgy
self to me: no objective reason why i would be different from people who do.
me to self: nevertheless you do not have lurgy.
squishy programmer friend: i d say it's unlikely you do.
me to friend: true. you're refusing to go to vegas with family though.
sp friend: true. okay, you're right. obviously this shows that you do have lurgy.
me: :laughing::laughing:

me: the question is, how would it even work if i do? *dials health line*
government health line: we don't think you have lurgy.
me: okay.
11 weeks later...

The government : want to hand over some of your blood? We're curious now to find out if you did have lurgy.

I don't begrudge it to them. Spending t&e tests that they had on the people they did at the time has clearly worked out quite well. I'm curious about it myself, too.

11,170 Posts
this developer continues to show signs of being either an introvert, on the edge of something psycho-medical, or just an extremely well-camouflaged maverick. today he's silent all day and then suddenly surfaces with:

him: hey, can you look me up in the database?
me: your personal self?
him: yeah. i just need my time stamps.
me: here's your timestamps
me: good to know
me: anything else?
him: yes; i'd like to thank my parents for believing in me ...
me: fine, i'll just leave you to get on with that then

INTJ 583 sx/sp
456 Posts
Me: [Posts a photo of some Brown Cheese flavored ice cream.]
Me: Teh fuck is this?
Sister (INFP): Bleeeegh! I heard they released a potato snack with that flavor, too 🤪🤢

10 minutes later.

Me: Not bad, until all I could taste was brown cheese 🥴
Sister (INFP): 😂😂😂😂

1,413 Posts

11,170 Posts
my sister got an email and forwarded it to me today. says they're (basically) finished with my dad and 'right. where do we mail his ashes to then?'. GOD i appreciate siblings. and google hangout.

her: i wasn't expecting this
me: yeah. i kind of was, but. yeah.
her: i hope the school did use him.
me: me too. i'll never know though. but i hope.
her: so now what? i mean, i don't want them to send him out here. i mean, apart from anything else, there's customs.
me: oh god.
[hysteria break]
me: yeah. no. okay. no. i'll take him, BUT we had better make bloody sure it's completely official and kosher and all.
her: true. i see it says registered mail.
her: that's a bit weird, isn't it? 'registered mail'?
me: it kind of is.
[ponder pause]
me: but that's my point. what i worry about is making sure they're allowed to release him to me. i wasn't on any of the official paperwork, remember? we were afraid of the buttface effect.
her: good point. you're not the executor.
me: so we need to make really sure they know that i'm signing for him and that's all right. because if it comes here with your name on him . . .
her: god yes. we don't want him wandering around any dead letter office in back-of-beyond forever.
[plan making]

her: one thing. damn, i wish . . .
me: i'll keep him, don't worry. until things get normal enough.
her: will you?
me: yes.
her: thank you. at some point i'll be able to get there again and then we can . . . i really do want to put him into the water somewhere.
me: don't worry. or i'll get offensively rich and i can bring him to england and we can go to portsmouth and tip him off the side of the discovery.
her: oh that would be perfect. but i bet they wouldn't let you
me: fine. we'll sneak. or, i dunno. i'll flush him down their john or something.
her: HAH.

her: and what about [brother]
me: oh gawd.
her: the thing is, i know we said - but then he turned into a fuck - and now . . .
me: gloom what do you mean, 'turned'?
her: i mean, there's precedent and everything.
me: whut?
her: like, steve never told us what happened to ma's ashes. he just - disposed of them
me: we were kids.
her: true. damn.
me: look, i don't care. i've got no problem following through on what i said to him. i said he could take him up to that place that he's at, and i'll do that.
her: ...
me: i'll just give him a third.
her: steve voice 'each of you children will get your fair share'.
me: exactly. oh god, i'd have to open the box.
her: does it come in a box?
me: how would i know? limpet did. i've still got her around here somewhere. never had the nerve to open the box, but yes it's a little cardboard box.
her: she was a CAT.
me: :D :D :D
her: giles is in the back garden.
me: awww.
her: we're losing it aren't we?
me: lost it verby.
her: sterkte!

ENFP 2w3 sp/so
304 Posts
The following conversation occurs on a yearly basis on INTJ's birthday
INTJ would be minding his own business when I suddenly show up in the room

Me: "What day is today?!"
INTJ: "So?"
INTJ: "You know I don't like birthdays."
Me, teasing: "Why? We must get you a cake. Oh and candles too, you must blow your candles this year! "
INTJ: "So you want us to celebrate the fact I'm 1 year closer to death. There's nothing to celebrate about growing older."

Premium Member
INTJ 5w4 (Sp/Sx)
359 Posts
For my college part-time job I help run a small buisiness that deals with the trade and selling of old used video games and consoles (NES, N64, Atari, PS2, PS3, etc).
One of my coworkers recently left, so that leaves only me and my boss running the store.
As a result, I often work alone, and I have to deal with lots of customers who probably have gaming addictions.

Sometimes, we would get this kid that comes in, that does not stop asking questions. Even when I am dealing with three customers at once, while on the phone with two others.

Meanwhile, I am busy handling a line full of increasingly disgruntled customers
This kid then walks past the line and asks me a question

Kid: "Hey, do you have fighting games for PS3?"
Me: "Yes, I'll help you in a minute"
Kid: "What games do you recommend-"
Me: "I'll help you in a minute"
Kid: "- 'cause I prefer Naruto games over Dragon Ball"
I then try to ignore him and help other customers
Kid: "Hey, what fighting games do you have for PS3?"
Me: "Okay kid, do you know how many games there are for PS3, let alone fighting games? Do you have any criteria I can work with?"
Kid: "Like an RPG"
Me: "I'm sorry?"
Kid: "I like RPGs, like Borderlands"
Me: "I thought you were looking for a fighting game?"
Kid: "I am"
3941 - 3954 of 3954 Posts