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11,387 Posts
she went off and brooded for half an hour or so. and so then we had this:

her: there is no reason to have that bucket.
me: i'm not saying you're wrong. but i can't tell you that i agree.
her: but whyyyyyyyy. what is the purpose of this? what is the meaning of life? why are we here? what's it all for?
me: stop that.
her: sorry. Why am I bothering to create a bucket that I'm never gonna use? Just to make sure creating works?
me: nooo. that would be a separate test.
her: ...
me: um, possibly just to make sure that there actually is a bucket
her: but I'm not going to use it!
me: because 'aint no buckets here at all' is qualitatively different from 'THIS bucket you're naming by name does not exist'
her: why do I care if you exist, if my mission is to punch buttface?
me: um.
me: 'failed to punch buttface' is a different result when the reason is
'could not FIND buttface'. compared with 'no humans on planet, did not even go looking for this one'
her: ow
me: i think i see what they're doing. you want to make sure the first condition is met in order to get you past it and be certain you're actually verifying the second one.
her: ....

me: i'm not saying it's a test that serves any useful purpose. i'm just saying that it's a test i might do.
her; heh.
me: it's a "null not same as zero" idea
her: butbutbut
her: I don't WANT to punch you!
her: I'm not going to TRY to punch you!
her: If I saw you , I wouldn't punch you!
her: But I DO want to punch buttface!

her: I don't understand QA
me: lol. null is different from 0, right?
her: very. i get what you're saying. there are just many other tests that test deleting buckets
me: we have subtle and devious minds, basically
her: heh
me: and too much time on our hands

11,387 Posts
more buckets.
me: people downstairs left six hours ago for a weekend away, and for six hours i have been hearing worrying water noises down there. i held out against my own neurosis until 1:42 and then called the landlords. now waiting for x to bike up here in his pj's to look at it.
sister: that sounds fun.
me: FACE.
me: god. first he'll go in and witness the flood, if it is a flood. then he'll stand around dithering for seven minutes or so, then he'll wobble away on his bike to go pick up his tools. phone me once he gets there to ask me in six different flavours of hopeful voice if i'm still hearing it. and then finally he'll manifest at 9:23 am with nine relatives.

time passes
me: dribbling toilet. thank god. easy fix. and then he wants to stand around at 2:30 am socializing.
her: good grief.
her: our toilet has packed up.
me: what. this second? did i make that happen? shit, sorry.
her: yesterday.
me: noooooo. but phew.
her: there's a plastic flange on the buckety bit that the blockety widgety thingy sits in. and it has broken.
me: what happens now? litter box? consider embracing your inner bear? liquid diet?
her: BUT, the plastic flange can't be fixed.
me: why not.
her: the whole widgety thing can't be removed.
her: the cistern can't be replaced.
her: we're having to buy a whole new toilet because a plastic flange 2mm by 8mm has snapped.
me: new house? just run away?
her: they're all like that here. random plumbing bought off a guy who knew a guy who had a line on a warehouse full of ex-soviet romanian toilets or some such.
me: can you splint it with chopsticks?
her: I would. i'm all about the duct-tape and coathanger life. but [husband] is more fastidious.
me: easy for men to say. they get to pee on trees and suchlike if they want.
her: he regularly pees on the compost heap.
me: kindly leave the stage.
her: it's good for it. apparently.
me: .... sorry, you called him fastidious?

ENFP 2w3 sp/so
1,062 Posts
My brother and I

ENFP: Why do guys enjoy drifting?
INFJ: You’d never understand until you try it.
ENFP: Hold on, you tried drifting?
INFJ: Yes, in a desert.
ENFP: Ahaaaaaa.....
INFJ: Hey. Do NOT attempt to drift.
ENFP: Never said I will!
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ENFP 2w3 sp/so
1,062 Posts
ENFP, endless ranting: “Oh my god I’m so busy I have so much to do. Whenever I try to get work done I get easily distracted, now that the deadline is getting closer the stress is hitting me hard. Time to work like a maniac!”

receives message from cousin
ENFJ: “Free today?”
ENFP: “Free for you ;)
ENFJ: “Okay might come over.”
ENFP: existential crisis

ENFP 2w3 sp/so
1,062 Posts
at 10:00am
INFP: "Oh no it's getting late, I should go sleep now."
INFP: "Dont judge."
ENFP: "Actually, I've been awake since yesterday and I don't intend to sleep."
INFP: "Why do you even fix your sleep like 5 times a month??"
ENFP: "Oh it's happening within these two days actually, returning to my <9pm bedtime, wake up at 4am> schedule."
INFP: "You sleep at 10pm one week, then at 5am the next. I dont get how you do it."


ENFP: "Hey do you have a sample of an Acknowledgement? May I please have a look?"
INTJ: "Acknowledgement?"
ENFP: "Yes, the thing people tend to write in reports or research papers where they thank others for their help."
INTJ: "No one helps me, I always do all the work myself. So why would I write one?"

11,387 Posts
jesus christ, but my brother's a pain.

i'm not going into it. instead, i'll just recount this piece of small loveliness my sister told me when i was talking to her on the phone. cuz she's sane.

me: but it's so hard to even describe him to other people.
her: yes, i know. even if you could try
me: HAH. right. i know what you mean. it's so much easier to just blank right past him.
her: and if you manage at all, people don't believe you.
me: or they just look at you strange.

her: oooo, let me tell you this. remember when steve went missing
me: do i not. of course.
her: and then they find him. and i was in china.
me: oh shit yes.
her: and there as all that panic
me: and running around.
her: right. and do i fly out there and all of that. well. by the time things calmed down a little, i was in singapore.
me: right.
her: so while i'm in singapore i hit up a friend. [long side-break about Friend]. anyway, we went out and he ordered . . . i think it was three pitchers of margaritas.
me: hah.
her: it might have been four. anyway, i normally don't even try to discuss [brother] with anybody. but with that friend i got drunk.
me: good.
her: very very very drunk. and i told him the whole thing.
me: awesome.
her: all of it.
me: tries to even imagine. can't.
her: anyway, the point is he thought the whole thing was hysterical.
me: hah.
her: admittedly, we were both unbelievably drunk. but he couldn't stop laughing.
me: that's awesome.
her: i know? i mean, usually you try and people go all . . .
me: solicitous
her: exactly. this was just what i needed.
me: of course.
her: but the thing is. this is the actual punchline to this. i get home somehow, and i pass out, and the next morning i get this email from him.
me: okay
her: and he says 'i'm sorry. i know this must be terribly difficult for you and i really don't want to upset you . . . but . . . was any of that actually true?'
me: HAH. i love it.

11,387 Posts
snort. my programmer friend.

her: "temperatures today broke blah blah records for the blah time in as many blahs, by reaching fuck-off degrees in the shade before blahblah am".
me: ho. ly. shit. fuck-off degrees????
her: yeah.
me: geez. the last time it even got close to fuck-off degrees around here, i felt like i had some obscure awful disease . . . and that's when i was 35ish and weighed a hundred and twenty pounds.
her: you insinuating that i'm old and fat?
me: um. no, i'm saying i am.
her: :D
me: to show how much i . . . oh wait. um. didn't mean to
her: :D
me: i was making it all about meeeeeeeee"
her: :D
me: um. of course, now i put it like that . . . let me just restart my machine while i finish blushing.
her: :D
her: keep going. this is the most fun i've had all day

11,387 Posts
my sister and me are terrible people. she's telling me how, being as how she's already got three degrees and three countries in her past, she's now having trouble with british entry criteria for her mba.

her: ... so i decided fuck it. it's just easier to go back and re-do grade 10 math.
me: what, easier than explaining to them how 12 is a higher number than 10?
her: it's not that. its convincing them that 'trigonometry and algebra ARE math'. at any grade level.
me: ah. i don't even really remember what trigonometry is, so fair enough.
her: triangles and stuff. anyway. i don't mind it actually. but this whole thing is geared for getting people into actual apprenticeships, not for providing me with my fourth degree, so. it's all full of word problems like 'if fred is laying a patio' -
me: stop.
her: 'and tiles are twelve inches by -'
me: STOP.
her: what.
me: i just need to insert fred west joke so we can get past it and go on.
her: all right. insert your . . .
me: it's okay. already done. just move on.
her: ??? ... oh. oh no. oh god. okay, you're right. if JOE is laying a patio and . . . wait. no, not patios. if hadrian's building a wall . . .

we are terrible, AWFUL people. i dind't even make the patio connection myself, until afterwards. and that just makes it worse.

11,387 Posts
my programmer friend never gives up. she goes back weeks and digs up the conversation about buckets-that-have-no-reason-to-exist and sends me this.

her: i have discovered Teh Flaw in your analogy!!
me: um.
her: you said: " 'failed to punch buttface' is a different result when the reason is
'could not FIND buttface'. compared with 'no humans on planet, did not even go looking for this one' " there is a flaw.
me; ho boy. okay then, there is no flaw, but what's the flaw then.
her: she isn't human.
me: ...
her: beam
me: fine. you make a fair point.
her: \o/\o/\o/\o/\o/ FLAW \o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/

Premium Member
INTJ 5w4 (Sp/Sx) 594
765 Posts
Me and my younger ESFP brother walking downtown one evening

Brother: Have you talked to your roommate yet?
Me: Nope.
Brother: Why do you never hang out with people? You lived in a dorm together for over a week, and you only spoke with him twice?
Me: Yup.
Brother: You need to hang out with more people. I can invite you to the bar, I'm meeting up with friends there this weekend.
Me: I'm okay with hanging out with you, but I have no urge to talk to anyone else. I don't really see much point in wasting time.
Brother: Why are you so stubborn?
Me: What are you going to do about it?

For whatever reason, some girls opened up the windows from the upper floor of their dance studio.
Girls: Hey guys! How are you doing?

Brother: Heyyy! Waves back at them
Me: Raises hand, and then tries to ignore them (I think I was blushing slightly, but that's the only response I gave).

We immediately get back to our conversation
Brother: I have a gig coming up, you should hang out and watch me perform. Lots of people. You might make some new friends there.
Me: I don't make you do things you don't enjoy doing, so I ask you do the same for me. I appreciate your concern, but I'll figure it out myself.
Brother: Again, why are you so stubborn?
Me: What are you going to do about it?

The conversation repeated itself a few times, before I ended up going my separate way back home.
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