Personality Cafe banner

3981 - 4000 of 4002 Posts

·
Premium Member
INTJ 5w6 (Sp/Sx) 513
Joined
·
1,472 Posts
Customer to one of their friends: "If you keep going back and forth and can't decide on what you are going to grab, I'm literally going to have a seizure"
Me: "Just wait to do that until you are outside the store"

Customers: Look at me weird
Me: I awkwardly go back to what I was working on
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11,813 Posts
sisters discussing brother.

me: he's his own worst enemy.
her: not when there's buttface around.
...
me: you're right. second-worst enemy.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Dan E

·
Premium Member
INTJ 5w6 (Sp/Sx) 513
Joined
·
1,472 Posts
Gets phone call at work while I'm cashing out a customer

"Hello?"
"Hey, do you guys accept video games?"
"Yes we do"
"How much do you give for PS3 games?"
"Depends on the game. There are a lot of factors to consider, so generally I don't give quotes over the phone".
"I know that, but can you give me a price on a few games?"
"Sir. Again, we don-"
"I'm going to go through them for you"
"Sir, I still can't give you an estimate. It won't matter-"
"Alright, found the games"
My head hits the desk
"Okay, here we go. Takes a big pause. I have NHL 12... (5 second pause) I have FIFA 13... (5 seconds pause) I have...
Sir please don't do this to me
"I have Battlefield 2... (5 second pause) Grand Theft Auto 4 (5 second pause)… I have...
You don't know what you're doing
"I have Batman... (5 second pause) I have NHL 13... (5 second pause)...
I want to die
"I have Medal of Honor... (5 second pause)... And I have LA Noire. How much would I be looking at?"

"Sir my answer is still the same, there are so many factors, I can't give you a number. Which is why it is store policy."
"Okay, bye"
Hangs up
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11,813 Posts
10:43 pm me: biden's up in georgia !!!!
10:47 pm me: nope. he isn't. yet. sorry. go back to sleep.
11:17 pm squishy programmer friend: i don't think i've ever laughed so much. still giggling.

she's from georgia.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Lorem Ipsum

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,232 Posts
Me, comfortably working at home.

The door bell rings.

Me: "...."

Then there is a knock on the door.

I am not expecting any visitors. So I remain in my chair in the living area.

Me: "....."

I hear the garage door open. But the entry to the home is locked and no one comes in.

Me: "....."

The garage door closes.

Finally, I hear the front door latch unlock with a key and my brother steps in.

Him: "Hey! Did you not hear the door bell?"

Me: "Oh, hi! Yeah, that means nothing to me."
 

·
Premium Member
INTJ 5w6 (Sp/Sx) 513
Joined
·
1,472 Posts
Customer: Do you have those Animal Crossing cards?
Me: Unfortunately, I do not.
Customer: Do you know what I'm talking about?
Me: Yes. The amiibo cards. I don't think we've ever had them in stock.
Customer: Are you sure?
Me: Pretty sure.
Customer: Takes phone and spends a minute trying to find a picture
Me: ............
Customer: Here is a picture.
Me: Yes, we don't have any right now, and we've actually never carried them.
Customer: Are you sure we're talking about the same thing?
Me: I'm fairly certain, since you've also showed me a picture.
Customer finally leaves
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11,813 Posts
what i miss about working through teams: when you can't tell what happens to your jokes after they leave your keyboard.

developer: working on this bug you logged.
me: yay.
dev: it's mapping stupidity. can you tell me if the field on your side is called 'changeby' or 'changedby'?
me: gmmn; no. i can tell you what our database column is called and what i see in the ui.
dev: okay. so what is it in your database?
me: it's [this]. but that's not helpful. you still need to ask our developers what our ingestion code thinks it's called.
dev: damn, that's right.
me: "changedby" is the most grammatically accurate :p i can give you that much.
dev: grammar schmammar. i'll need to try track down [your dev]

later . . .
dev: can't raise him. i'm making a call and using "change by" , no d.
me: livin' in the moment \o/
 

·
Registered
INTJ 5w4 Sx/Sp
Joined
·
2,387 Posts
So me and the wife had a son about three weeks ago, and I am going back to work friday.

Me [suddenly realizing]: Oh no, soon I'll have to deal with all the coworkers congratulating me for the birth and stuff.

ISFP wife: I know.

Me: I don't like getting all the attention.

Her: Yeah, but you will.

Me: I always forget who I told and who I didn't. Grumbles
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11,813 Posts
me and my squishy programmer friend's idea of the spanish pipedream:

prelude
her: i wanna not-work
me: me too. im going to buy half the maritimes and go build my own house.
her: she and her husband sold their house and moved into an rv about 5 years ago and she's regretting it
me: never mind. you guys can come camp in my imaginary back yard any time.

act i
her: problem
me: ?
her: i don't like vegetables.
me: your husband can shoot us a moose.
her: that ought to last for a while

act ii
her: problem
me: ?
her: he's not into guns.
me: hmm.
her: and besides, canada.
me: okay. he can sand one to death with his carpenter tools.
her: happy and butcher it with a black and decker.

act iii
her: problem.
me: ?
her: bears.
me: we'll make the bears eat the vegetables.
her: THAT will be fun. okay, we're in.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Napoleptic

·
Registered
Cookie Monster 🍪
Joined
·
1,877 Posts
Elderly gentleman in drive thru: I need to make a small deposit.
Me: Sure, send it over. -Thinking it will be a check for ~2 dollars commonly seen in settlements-
-receives giant wad of 100 dollar bills instead-
-deposits-
Me: Ok, sir, got your small deposit finished. Receipt coming back to you.
Gentleman: poorly disguised smirk and chuckle Thank you ...

He was so nonchalant about it, he actually got me! :LOL:
 

·
Premium Member
INTJ 5w6 (Sp/Sx) 513
Joined
·
1,472 Posts
Me: "Will you be paying with cash or credit?"
Him: "Street 'Cred"
Me: ....
Him: ....
Me: ....
Him: ...
Me: "That was pretty good."
 

·
Registered
Cookie Monster 🍪
Joined
·
1,877 Posts
-discussing vampires-

INTJ: Would there be vampires that practice temperance?
ENTJ: Yes, but it'd be different. It would mean abstaining from human blood and only drinking animal blood.
INTJ: Now I'm thinking about xenotransfusions.
ENTJ: Like... alien blood?
INTJ: Animal blood used for human transfusions. Apparently there is some research into genetically modifying pigs so their blood more closely resembles human blood.
ENTJ: That's pretty smart, but kind of mean. And by mean, I mean kind of horrific. ...I'm gonna use that.
INTJ: Vampire ethics problem solved.
ENTJ: To be fair, it's a supernatural curse that can't be solved by science.
INTJ: ... that sounds like a challenge.
 

·
Registered
INTJ
Joined
·
610 Posts
Nerdy couple stuff (the Paraphrased version)


Me: I wonder what D&D class would really fit my personality the best?

My Fiancé, @SynthinkingMuse: you’re a bard

Me: pfff—I’m not a bard. Why do think I’d be one?

SynthinkingMuse: you can sing, paint, draw, know obscure historical facts, crochet, tried teaching your self Gaelic because you got bored one time, you’re a legitimate storyteller with your creative writing and your knowledge on folklore, taught yourself to memorize the lyrics of two versions of the “Skye Boat Song” in a hour on a whim, you’ve dabbled in dressage and western horseback riding, and you basically qualify for an Associates degree in Communications if you’d just submit the paperwork...you’re a bard.

Me: I’m not a bard...

SynthinkingMuse: Who am I(knowing I’m a repressed wannabe theater kid who can’t resist any opportunity to sing Les Miserables)

Me: I’m JEAN VALJEAN! AND SO JAVERT YOU SEE IT’S TRUE! THAT MAN BEARS NO MORE GUILT THAN YOU!!!! WHO AM I!? TWO! FOUR! O...OOOOONNNNEEEEEE!!!....damn it....

SynthinkingMuse: yep, you’re a bard. Nice try.

Me: incoherent grumbling
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11,813 Posts
BEST. EDITORIAL COMMENT BY A QA ANALYST. EVER. one of those times when i just love my tribe.

me: hey, [otherqa] can you take a look at the queue on your side?
them: sure. what's the deal?
me: i'm triggering it. your messages are getting queued but they aren't getting out.
them: hgmgm.
time
me: i just did [new thing].
them: okay, gimme the details.
me: gives
them: silence
them: silence
them: THIS IS AWESOME. posts screenshot of uber-gnarly-looking error message
additional qa person: never seen that one before.
them: yup.
aqp: if my computer said that to me i'd reboot it and wash its mouth out with soap.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Squirt

·
Registered
ENFP 2w3 sp/so
Joined
·
1,524 Posts
INTJ: Lets play chess.
ENFP: I don't know how, but okay!
INTJ:
ENFP:
INTJ:
ENFP: Seriously, don't make fun of me.
INTJ: Sure.

ENFP: I just played once, won that game... but only because the other person gave up on the last move just to make me “win my first game”.
INTJ: I wont give up last move.

INTJ: Start!
ENFP: Dont kill me.... I dont know how!
INTJ: ..... dummy.

game starts
INTJ: WHY DID YOU DO THAT?
ENFP: SPUR OF A MOMENT!!!
INTJ: WHAT MOMENT THAT MOVE TOOK YOU 30 SECONDS!
ENFP: I WASNT THINKING I PANICKED, I FELT PRESSURED!
INTJ: SERIOUSLY?

mid game
ENFP: OH NO I FELL FOR YOUR TRAP!
INTJ: ..... I wasn't even trying....
 

·
Premium Member
INTJ 5w6 (Sp/Sx) 513
Joined
·
1,472 Posts
So, I work in a pretty bad neighborhood. Especially in the later hours, you get a whole bunch of addicts who try to pawn off stuff that they grab from the dumpsters.
Hell, some even try to use their stolen visa gift cards, and get angry at me when they obviously don't work.
I usually work by myself, so it's up to me to deal with them. In the past couple of months, here are a few of my exchanges with them.

Drug-addict goes to the till to purchase things
The lady previously spent a solid half an hour muttering to herself, and circling around the store while I watched her like a hawk. Eventually she came to the till.
Lady: "Do I recognize you from somewhere?"
Me: "No you don't."
Lady: "No, I think you worked in the mall for a while yeah?"
Me: "Okay sure, I worked at the store there for 4 years during high school."
Lady: "Yeah, I remember you. You've been around everywhere. You're like a little slut."
Me: "Excuse me?"
Lady: "Sorry, I'm pregnant. Things just spill out of me sometimes"
Me: "Okay. Sure".
Lady: "Well, I'm authentic. Some other girls use the I'm pregnant excuse. But not me"
Me: "Whatever you say."

I'm just about to close the store
Me: "Sir, you need to wear a mask while you are in here."
Drug addict: "Okay just a minute. (Shuffles around). Can I sell some things to you guys?"
Me: "I'm closing the store in two minutes. Make it fast."
The addict then proceeds to place three items in front of me. A flute, a used sock, and three rocks.
Me: "Sir. What the hell is this?"
Addict: "My stuff"
Me: "I'm not taking this"
Drug addict: "Then consider it a gift"
Me: "No. I'm not touching that. Grab your things and leav-" (addict leaves the store).
Me: "Goddamnit."
I then spend a few seconds staring at the items.
Unfortunately, I had to remove the used sock. If you guys have at least some imagination, you would probably know what it was used for.

Me: (Puts on elastic glove) "Goddamn disgusting."

In the middle of a shift, a random guy asks me a question
Guy: "Hey, can I sell you these games?"
Me: "Sure." (Scans items through computer. Discovers that I can't take them due to me having too many of those items in stock already)
Me: "Sorry sir, I can't take these. We have too many already in the system"
Guy: "WOW. You're not going to take anything!?"
Me: "As I said before. We already have too many of these games in stock. Try the pawn shop, you might get something for them".
Guy: "Are you discriminating me based on how I look?"
Me: "No. But I'm not obligated to take anything. Are you trying to create a problem here?"
Guy: "You are just like the Cops" (leaves the store)
Me: "What.
"
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11,813 Posts
sister: i'm obsessed with this massively pregnant cat
me: whut?
her: sends link sends other link sends yet more additional links
me: so, have you pre-claimed a kitten yet?
her: she's in [state], so no. no kittens for us.
me: [existing cat name] will just have to go hungry.
her: are you implying he'd eat a kitten?
me: don't look at me in that tone of text. i've heard him shouting around the place like the beanstalk giant.
her: heh.
me: of course i am.
 

·
Registered
Cookie Monster 🍪
Joined
·
1,877 Posts
My favorite customer.

Me: Sorry if I'm a bit incoherent today. I didn't sleep much.
Customer: You have insomnia?
Me: Seems so.
Customer: Me too. I tried benadryl for a while and then got a prescription. Although you know, you know in Brasil we use passionfruit to cure insomnia. We have a passionfruit drink for it.
Me: I'd not heard of that.
Customer: But what is best cure for insomnia... you know what it is?
Me: What?
Customer: Exercise.
Me: Yes, I think that's why I have trouble sleeping... not getting exercise...
Customer: When I have insomnia I also wake up my wife. She can help. (grin)
Me: (grin) I wasn't going to say it. But you said it. So now I can agree, that is the most effective cure.
Customer: Yes, you know, exercise.
Me: With passionfruit.
(silent sniggering)
 

·
Registered
Cookie Monster 🍪
Joined
·
1,877 Posts
-walking through hardware store, INTJ in front, INFP lolligagging behind-
INFP: (wistful) Back when I lived in [big city], hardware stores were open 24 hours. Even at night, I’d see couples there together. I always thought it was kind of romantic....
-arrive in aisle, INTJ waves arm over wall of latrines-
INTJ: Well, here is the toilet section. What part were you looking for to fix the leak? (raises eyebrow)
INFP: -sputters out of daydream- uH.. ahaha heh...hm. It’s over here...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11,813 Posts
me, all of a sudden at around 9:17 am: not working today
cautious russian developer, very cautiously: hi lilysocks, what is not working?
me: meeeeeeeeee \o/

i had to do a very sudden all-day road trip to take care of a particular family thing.

edit: and then me, not suddenly at all at roughly 11:17 pm:

me: can you send me a test email? i am not trusting this wifi at all.
squishy programmer: Subject: Test. Body: The answer is Uganda.
me: Subject: Re: Test. Body: "lilykid, where is your mom?" "i dunno. sheganda the back of beyond all of a sudden while i was sleeping"
squishy programmer: very good. you score 98%

someone gets loopy when they're too tired.
 
3981 - 4000 of 4002 Posts
Top