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INTJ 5w6
2,506 Posts
receives chocolate bunny
immediately begins unwrapping the bunny
Her: "Are you gonna eat it now!?"
Me: ??? When am I supposed to eat it? Am I meant to save it for later?
Her: "I'm saving mine for desert later"

Inferior Se don't give a shit, I'm eating it now

3,421 Posts
Me: Can you [redacted]?
Back office: I can’t on my own authority.
Me: Ok. But you can do it?
Back office: I can... on your authority.
Me: Well, I need it done.
Back office: So you want me to do it?
Me: -thinking-
Back office: Give me the word and I’ll do it.
Me: ... do it.
Back office: Power feels good, doesn’t it?
Me: Yes. 😏
Back office: 😆 Ok, done.

12,026 Posts
i love squishy programmer, but.

me: can you test something for me? link what do you see at that link?
her: something with buttface on top. fuzzy but that's probably because i'm on my phone, i'll look again
her: it's definitely fuzzy
me: okay.
me: i'm trying to 'serve' her all these documents without sending them one by one in email.
me: but i don't want her to be able to change anything
me: just access and download
her: Really not ok on phone
me: yeah i dn't care about her technology problems
her: going to use my computer, that will take a few minutes
me: okay, not to pressure. i just care about wha tkind of access she'd get
her: yeah, but i'm checking for legibility.
me: fine.
her: as in, what i see on my phone is not acceptable.
me: yeah. let's ignore what you see on your phone
her: hat's why i'm going to my computer. however, usually i can read stuff on my phone.
me: yeah, hightail sucks iyam
her: know you're interested in Access and I can access it.
me: what i care about: i want buttface to be able to VIEW and DOWNLOAD the content. but not to edit, upload anything else, etc etc.
her: i get that, but if she can't read it it doesn't count.
me: damn it. i love you but let's just drop it time out
her: i'm not going to drop it cuz i've already gotten out of bed and turned on my computer.

i swear. was she trolling me?
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1,844 Posts
<<<<<<<<-----------------take it frum a koon!

ENFP woman acquaintance of mine who has a Jesus Complex about "Saving The Sea Turtles". She is kra about it. goes on beach turtle patrols, etc. and all that is involved with it.

HER: I'm getting up early tomorrow to go on turtle patrol with the other volunteers.

ME: Ohh, cool. Collect a beer bucket of them lil turtle hatchlings, wash the sand off, put em on a pan and pop them in the oven. Some ranch dressing, a lil salt, would be like McDonald's chicken tenders.......... Hey, what can I say? I'm getting hungry.

HER: (staring daggers) Not FUNNY!!

ME: (chuckling) yeah, your rite..... Should prolly get them while they're still eggs. Course ya gotta dig them up but prolly be easier to cook; with some sausage & maybe a lil sweet & sour salsa.

HER: (staring daggers with silent treatment)

ME: Have you read this? Some woman got hit by a turtle driving down the road.
Passenger survives being hit in the head by flying turtle

HER: (still pissed) is this from the Onion?

ME: Onion? Its got Associated Press written all over it. Fukin things are dangerous; we need to quit protecting them and start recognizing them as a great source of nutritional protein.
Ok I know, I know.........Sea Turtle Lives Matter. (Thinking - I wish this bitch would have a sense of humor)

HER: There's not enough turtles to go around. They're endangered! What's wrong with chickens?

ME: Well, one thing; how do you know when you're really eating chicken when everyone says everything tastes like chicken? Shit. you walk into Kentucky Fried and get an order to go........
How you know you're really getting chicken? Its not like you picked it out from the KFC barnyard and they chopped off its head, plucked & cleaned it for you after, you know, it got done running around for 20 seconds or so spurting blood before it fell over.........

Then they bread it out in their , you know, secret recipe of 20 herbs & spices blah blah ; you pay for it and give it the devour treatment. How do you know its really chicken? Jus sayin.

HER: Speak for yourself, I get my eggs straight outta the hatch. sometimes they're still warm.

ME: well now you're bringing chicken eggs into your original inquiry which is sorta like changing the topic but never the less I'll role with it cause one of my most fascinating things to ponder is the age old question of which came first the chicken or the egg?

And in this case conversation the chicken came first - I direct you to your original inquiry.... but that doesn't discount nor negate the big picture genetically evolutional tho currently unproven hypothesis about it. Again, jus sayin.

HER: I dont know what you're talking about. I just dont want anyone to eat turtles. Big ones, little ones , or their eggs too. OK?

ME: Ok. I've learned too NEVER order turtle soup if we ever eat together and I'll always think of turtle eggs hatching in the sand while I eat an aborted chicken fetus. Oops, embryo. embryo I think is more correct.

HER: I'm going back to my van now. I dont want to talk to you for awhile.............

ME: silently turn away and go for my usual solitary walk on the beach.
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3,421 Posts
So, I've never been "swept off my feet" by a charming old couple. Now I can say I have.

Old lady: "I can't understand you with the mask and plexi-glass..."
Me: -pulls down mask to repeat a statement-
Old lady: -eyes pop open- "Oh my god! You're pretty!"
Me: ... uh.
Old man: -laughs- If I said that, I'd be in trouble.
Old lady: Oh, stop!
Old man: Now she's embarrassed.
Old lady: But it's true!
Me: ... .... ... Anyway... -continues task at hand-

I don't get compliments on my appearance very often. If I hadn't been so flustered, I could have come back with "I understand your surprise. My forehead isn't my best feature," but oh well, maybe next time. :LOL:
Guardian Shepherdess
2,178 Posts
ENFP (convincingly): Can I borrow your Batmobile, please? :D I wanna drive~(!) :giggle:
INTJ: Sure, whatever you want. I mean I have 8.
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3,421 Posts
INTJ: Where do you want to go?
INFP: I dunno.
INTJ: Well, when I suggest something, you seem to have no opinion, which makes it difficult to make a plan.
INFP: I like it when you make a plan.
INTJ: .... I see.
INFP: <3
INTJ: Damnit.

1,926 Posts
(12 year old) Brother: what do you think of the video I sent you?
Me: Silly.
Brother: …If that was said by someone else, I wouldn’t believe them with how dead you look saying it.
Me: …Thanks?
Brother: It’s like saying something is funny but not laughing at all.
Me: I get it, brother.

It is what it is.
This kid always points out how “weirdly” I behave or the way I do things. Sometimes it’s funny, like when he would randomly ask me to clarify whether I’m mad or not. Or when he asked me out of the blue why I’m menacing. I think a good portion of it is him just trying to be funny or meme-y though haha.
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