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Whatsapp conversation with le mother.

Mother: [whine whine, bitch bitch, life sucks] .. [Sick sick, illness, doctors bad health, can't move]
Mother: [Can't get out of bed. sick sick cough cough no energy omg poor me] [life sucks. life sucks. life sucks.]
Mother: [long list of activities done today]
Me: So.. really.. it's not been such a bad day after all
Mother: ....


I'm now awaiting the You-Are-Not-Being-A-Supportive-Daughter / Validate-My-PAINNN email.
Thank you , that just made me laugh really hard.
 

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me to team, wednesday: ... and i'll be in a meeting during the afternoon. so you all know, the headest qa honcho of all has called an all-hands meeting in which he wants all of us 'speak up' and identify reasons for this stock-price-endangering epidemic of bugs in release.
team: oooooooo. . .
me: meh. thing 1'll be there as well.
scrummaster: gonna speak up?
product guy: eh, you'll speak up. knowing you.
me: yeah. knowing me.
devs1, 2, and 3: good for you, go get 'em, we've got your back, etc rah rah.
me: :confused: right. thanks guys.
product guy: well, it's been nice workin' with you.
me: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:
 

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I used to be a bit more polite with call center people. Now...I just don't have time to deal with their scripted bull. Especially since every time we have an issue or question and have to call our ISP, they take it upon themselves (probably per policy) to remind us we only have internet (Like we didn't know) and try and bundle it with something else at some sort of special price for 6-12 months.

Honestly, I already get the promos in the mail and in my junk inbox. Let me contact you and when I say 'bug off' bug. off.
I feel the same exact way about people who randomly call doing promos and such. This reminds me of a conversation I had with a representative of some credit card company a while back. I usually try to be polite with them, since they are just doing their jobs, but this same lady kept calling me repeatedly about it and then I lost my patience and retaliated in my own subtle way.

Going to paraphrase it, since I can't remember exactly what was said, but you'll get the idea:

Credit Card Lady: (on phone) Hello, would you be interested in BLAH BLAH credit card?

Me: (politely) "No thank you."

Credit Card Lady: "But BLAH BLAH credit card can offer you special deal. It has such and such benefits!"

Me: "Sorry, not interested."

Credit Card Lady: "Oh, but you can do such and such with a credit card. It's a really good card."

Me: "I already have a credit card. I don't need another one."

Credit Card Lady: "Okay, I hope you will keep us in mind. Thank you."

Me: "Okay, bye."

[Call ends, but then the next day the same lady calls back.]

Credit Card Lady: "Hello, would you be interested in BLAH BLAH credit card?"

Me: (Pauses a moment. I could tell it was the same lady. She had a very distinct voice) "Didn't you call here before? I already told you I wasn't interested...."

Credit Card Lady: "Oh, but BLAH BLAH credit card is very good."

Me: "Yes, you said all that before too, but I'm still not interested."

Credit Card Lady: "But you will need a credit card to build up credit."

Me: (Doesn't even bother re-explaining I have one already) "No thank you."

Credit Card Lady: "Okay, have a nice day."

Me: "You too."

[Call ends, but the same lady calls back yet AGAIN a few days later....]

Credit Card Lady: "Hello, would you be interested in BLAH BLAH credit card?????"

Me: (In my mind, I'm speechless at why this lady is calling me again, yet I still try to keep an air of politeness in spite of being so annoyed. I don't know why this company still has my number at the top of their list to call.) "No thank----"

[The Credit Card Lady cuts me off mid-sentence by hanging up on me. This was the last straw. For the last few calls, I had had far more patience with this lady than she deserved for calling me over and over and pushing her product so incessantly.... And then she has the audacity to cut me off like that? I made a mental note of this and filed it away in my mind. I had a feeling she'd call back at least one more time.]

Credit Card Lady: (Calls back as expected a few days later, using the same old lines) "Hello, would you be interested in BLAH BLAH credit card?"

Me: (Not surprised in the least to hear from her. I put my plan in motion. I speak with false enthusiasm.) "Actually, yes! I'd love to have one! Suddenly, I am EXTREMELY interested in your credit card! I really needed another one of those!"

Credit Card Lady: "Really? That's great! Now, if I could get such and such information from you and you'll be all set!"

Me: "Wonderful! Actually, can you hold on for a moment? I need to get a pen and paper to write things down on. I really want this card."

Credit Card Lady: (Seems puzzled for a brief moment) "Uh, sure, go ahead."

Me: "Great! I'll be back in a moment."

[Then I take the phone and toss it into my closet and walk away with no intention of returning back any time soon. My curiosity did get the better of me though and I put my ear to the phone ~10 min or so later to check. At that point she was actually still on the line. Smirking to myself, I then placed the phone back where it was in the closet and walked away for good. It took a while before I finally heard the disconnected signal from the phone, signalling she had finally hung up.]

I should add, she never called back ever again after that. Plan = success!

You see, I figured time is very valuable to telemarketers. For them, time is money. For some reason, this lady couldn't seem to grasp the fact that I had no interest in her product and politeness wasn't getting me anywhere....Plus I'm generally not one to yell or say angry things anyways... So I simply wasted her time. It got my point across quite effectively.
 

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Stopped by police officer while riding on back of motorcycle of friend, to airport:

Police officer: *makes stop sign*
Friend: What's the problem?
PO: You can't drive with two people on a bike.
Me: Ok, then how do we get to the airport?
PO: One of you has to go by car.
Me: We don't have one.
Friend: Can we just go.
PO: No.

He continues to harass us for some time, looking in our bags.

Friend: Everything is ok right, can we go?
PO: No, you'll have to go separate.
PO: *Pulls over random car* You need to take this person to the airport.
Random guy with car: *confused* Ehm, ok.

Then this random guy took me to the airport separately. He was so confused. ^_^

Probs the PO was looking for a bribe using a BS excuse but we weren't in the mood.
 

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My dad and I will occasionally joke about random things like world domination, the death of the human race and escaping the world. This morning I went out theh kitchen to an interesting conversation...

Dad (INTP): What are you thinking about?
Me: World domination.
Dad:What specifically about world domination?
Me: I'm trying to decide something about after I take over the world. Do I want to keep the people here to see how long I can keep control, or do I want to ship them off?
Dad:That's quite the dilemma.
Me: I know, I mean do I want the challenge or the relief?
Dad: Well, I think it's like when you have too many pets. After awhile they just become a nuisance.

And that is why I love my dad
 

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The Spanish EXTP kid who I work with was messing around in a lesson.
Me: You naughty troll!
kid: Hey, donn't insoolt me! ...Mucha gente me llama 'naughty troll' :) :):) [ Lots of people call me naughty troll]
.
.
.


A few weeks later: he as finished part of a task set by the teacher.
kid: DONE! Little troll done this! :) :) :)
 

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me to team, wednesday: ... and i'll be in a meeting during the afternoon. so you all know, the headest qa honcho of all has called an all-hands meeting in which he wants all of us 'speak up' and identify reasons for this stock-price-endangering epidemic of bugs in release.
team: oooooooo. . .
more about this.

head honcho: *summary, state of the nation and kickoff statement* now. what's causing this?

[loop for 2 hours: begin] someone: *pointlessness*
thing 1: *bullshit*
someone else: *strawman 'problem'*
someone else: *strawman solution to strawman 'problem' which no qa analyst with a year behind them should need spelled out*
thing 1: *enthusiastic endorsement*
someone else: *bafflegab*
head honcho: *sensible statements*
thing 1: *quasi-abusive self-laundering rhetoric*
[repeat loop]

head honcho: okay, we need to wrap this up. thank you all. any final comments?
me: yes. regression sprint. i'd like to just bring up the fact that ime so far, regression is the worst time for feeling pressured to close bugs and pass test cases just to make a pre-arranged date. this is the time when it's hardest to do anything near what you and thing 1 have been saying you expect us to do. my point being: in regression the pressure to ignore real quality for the sake of making a date is not coming from product or anywhere else. it comes from directly above, in qa. any thoughts?
head honcho: h'm. yes, well . . . automation should have relieved some of that, but unfortunately . . . in any case, if you feel something needs further exploration then i want to re-iterate, you should be communicating that fact to thing 1
me: *bitter bitter bitter memories* i have tried.
hh, overriding: at any rate, when sidekick asks for your estimates -
me: i've never been asked for an estimate.
hh: ...
me: we just get told 'we have this many cases to run and mark 'passed' by this time and day'.
hh: well, and again let me reiterate: if you feel that that is not reasonable, you ought to be telling thing 1 and sidekick. we trust you. you are professionals. *etc etc*
me, to head honcho in email, post-meeting: you and me need to talk. one on one.
 

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Boss puts up signs saying "FRIGE," and "FREEZA," then comes out to us.

Boss: I've put those signs up so Shayne can understand them since he doesn't know how to spell
Shayne: When will you guys learn that I'm not that stupid?
Me: No, you're just really thich.
Sous chef: Mate, tell me where you bought your knifes.
Boss: You're the charrot king Shayne.
Shayne: Yeah, I am the Charrot king.

He still hasn't figured out we use CH in things because he spelt thick "Thich."
 

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ESFP: haha should I correct her spelling (trying to piss off some XSFJ over text)
INTJ: do whatever you want
ESFP: she's going to be so pissed. She's the kind of person that's really stuck up
ESFP: Is that how you spell barking?
INTJ: *stares* ye...
INFP: haha you sound like my 16 year old cousin texting her new boyfriend
ISFP: *sarcasm* Ye that'll get her
 

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Them: "How was your weekend?"
Me: [shrugging] "OK"
Them: "What did you do?!"
Me: "Stuff"
Them: "What sort of stuff?!"
Me: "Just stuff"
Them: "Oh"
Me: [death stare]

When will they ever learn?
 

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Just had a fun time hanging out with friends.

Friend: Ummm (looks hesitant)
Me: What's wrong?
Friend: Well I want to ask you something... but I want you to answer honestly okay?
Me: ... Sure.
Friend: Are you happy? Are you having a fun time?
Me: ... Yeah, I'm having fun. It's been great so far... I mean isn't it obvious?
Friend: Well... no. You always have the same face and it's really hard to see what you're feeling. People always think you have something on your mind and that you're always busy.
Me: ...... no I'm having fun.
Friend: Good ^_^

I spent the rest of the day staring at my face...
 

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He still hasn't figured out we use CH in things because he spelt thick "Thich."
you guys are all teasing an oaf who owns knives. of course i would never tell any of you how to differentiate 'stupid' from 'smart', but . . .
 

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you guys are all teasing an oaf who owns knives. of course i would never tell any of you how to differentiate 'stupid' from 'smart', but . . .
No, he owns knifes according to the note he left himself to take them home with him.
 

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I had finished a really simple math test in about thirty seconds and went to hand it in.

Annoying Girl: You're already done? I haven't even written my name!
Teacher: It's probably all wrong. *Picks up paper, checks it, turns paper over and puts it back in the basket* Or not.
Me: ...

Later...

Me: I hate people.
Girl: You are so funny!
Me: *slowly* I wasn't kidding
Girl: Your opinions are really funny though.
Me: What?
 

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I had finished a really simple math test in about thirty seconds and went to hand it in.

Annoying Girl: You're already done? I haven't even written my name!
Teacher: It's probably all wrong. *Picks up paper, checks it, turns paper over and puts it back in the basket* Or not.
Me: ...
Story of my life, except not with math but most other things. In grad school there was just one other student faster than me and she said she'd purposely wait for me to turn mine in first because she didn't want to be first lol one time we made eye contact after a test because I was just going to sit there and make her go first (after I found out she waits for me). We almost started laughing when we caught each other's eye, so I just got up and turned mine in. :p
 
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