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Discussion Starter #1
I have an ISTJ mom and I'm interested in hearing from other INFJs who have ISTJ parents! Perhaps some experiences, positive or negative? What makes your relationship work? What roadblocks have you found? Share whatever you are comfortable with!:)

My experience...

I admire my ISTJ mom's laser focus on being organized, and detailed oriented! In high school, after a meltdown over tests and homework-she'd help me make lists of all the work I had to complete! This wasn't just any list though, she'd help me plan out what to do on what days in great detail...each task with a specific start and stop time! So helpful for this scatterbrained INFJ! On the other hand...I also recall my mom always being consumed with her to-do lists or our family's to-do lists that she struggled to enjoyed the moment...she was always off organizing a closet or planning next week's meal menu!
 

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I don't have have ISTJ parents, but my mum is an ISFJ and my dad is an INTJ, so they're quite similar :p

Both of my parents are very organised, and plan everything out carefully well in advance. Like you said, this strong J function is extremely helpful and efficient, and has not only saved me on several occasions, but taught me some good habits to not only get things done properly, but to save on last-minute stress.

My mother's S function contrasts my N function, and inherently causes her perspective of many things to juxtapose my own, which can make discussions with her very interesting. 'On the other hand', I find this function to limit her scope of thought... she is not as capable of abstract concepts or philosophical discussion as I might have preferred. Often, her concrete way of thinking can bore or frustrate me.

Conversely, my dad's T function makes him very logical and rational, always looking for the most efficient way to do things and always looking to optimise the world around him. I value this trait tremendously now, but when I was younger I always felt like he was too cold and detached from emotion.

I hope this was along the lines of what you were looking for :)
 

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Oh me me! INFJ here with ISTJ mum too! Idealism vs practicality is a major pitfall for us. Also, she doesn't provide me with the emotional support and affirmation that I need. However, we're both beginning to understand the ways in which we are different and work around that. This forum has been a great catalyst for that! (Thank you!) Despite some roadblocks in our relationship, I really do appreciate the things she does for me. Having an ISTJ mum means never having to worry about if I will have clean clothes to wear or if I will be fed haha!
 

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Discussion Starter #4
I don't have have ISTJ parents, but my mum is an ISFJ and my dad is an INTJ, so they're quite similar :p

Both of my parents are very organised, and plan everything out carefully well in advance. Like you said, this strong J function is extremely helpful and efficient, and has not only saved me on several occasions, but taught me some good habits to not only get things done properly, but to save on last-minute stress.

My mother's S function contrasts my N function, and inherently causes her perspective of many things to juxtapose my own, which can make discussions with her very interesting. 'On the other hand', I find this function to limit her scope of thought... she is not as capable of abstract concepts or philosophical discussion as I might have preferred. Often, her concrete way of thinking can bore or frustrate me.

Conversely, my dad's T function makes him very logical and rational, always looking for the most efficient way to do things and always looking to optimise the world around him. I value this trait tremendously now, but when I was younger I always felt like he was too cold and detached from emotion.

I hope this was along the lines of what you were looking for :)
Yes thank you this was so helpful!

I sometimes wonder if my mom is a secret INTJ or perhaps an ISFJ because she is constantly talking in metaphors (I'm not sure which the N or the F would contribute to that-if at all). Its a running joke between us because the use of metaphors in everyday life is just so natural for us. I wonder where her natural use of metaphors comes from...any ideas? But she is also very concrete always reminding me of the limits of my plans in a way that she comes off as a bit of a "Debbie downer."
 

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Discussion Starter #5
. Also, she doesn't provide me with the emotional support and affirmation that I need.
Couldn't have said it better myself! I even remember as a young girl she never supported me emotionally she was always offering some alternative plan or explanation for what happened. She really came across cold and still does at times. This reminds me of a conversation she and I had a few weeks ago:

Mom: "When your EXFX sister gets all worked up about homework that she's inconsolable, I don't know what to do...I can't help her when she's like that! I have no solutions to offer her because she's in such an emotional tizzy..."

Me: "Mom sometimes just sitting with someone when their like that and not offering a solution is more than enough! She just needs to feel supported!"
Mom: Didn't really respond-just gave me a pensive look of confusion!:shocked:
 

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Well, I got an ISTJ dad.
He doesn't really give the emotional support I need and he's a bit of an idealism killer, but inside his shell he's an extremely sweet person. I guess what really makes me love him is that he's the only one who's close to being able to understand me or listen to me without judging me too much unlike my ESFP mother, she really loves judging you without doing much listening and unlike my ISTJ dad then she doesn't realize when she doesn't understand me, but just think that the problem is on my end.

Then again, none of my parents or family members can give me emotional support and none of them actually care about protecting me emotionally from anyone.
 

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My mum is ISTJ as well!
Here is what I've noticed about her:

1.)
She has an extremely hard time saying no. She purposefully avoids those people that sit in the middle of the mall trying to sell cheap jewellery because she knows she will be talked into getting it. Once she bought a reusable lint roller (which, like I knew it would, turned out to be shit) for about $30. This also goes for her job. Her boss consistently piles more work than my mother can handle, including work that she should be doing herself. And my mum just takes it because she just can't refuse.

2.)
This goes hand in hand with #1, but my mum cannot stand up to herself. I think she gets used a lot because of it.

3.) My mum is extremely conventional. She has very traditional right wing views and is a devout Catholic. (You should have heard me trying to explain why gays should be allowed to get married.)

4.)
She is extremely giving. Even when we've been fighting, if she goes to the store she will invariably come with something for me. I think she is very loving and doesn't know precisely how to communicate it.

5.) Mum also tends to think for whatever reason that she knows things I do not and that it is her job to 'educate me' on these ideas. She also likes to believe she is right. She often thinks that I need to 'get out of the house more' and because of that will find some course or youth group or something and will continually push it until I feel like exploding because she believes she is right and this is just the thing to cheer me up or make me friends or something.
 
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My dad's an ISTJ.. it's a difficult dynamic to characterize. We've never been really close or spent a lot of time together, but we usually get along well like friends... so despite it not being a very deep connection, it's a strong one.

He's better at not being a mental case than I am, and I'm better at planning and figuring things out.
 

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I have an ISTJ mother. She is beautiful, highly organized, detail oriented, very witty and humorous, very practical, and has an UNCANNY ability to manipulate numbers down to the cent, and she's actually very creative with home furnishing, and is culturally open-minded; I love those things about her. :proud:

She wasn't very motherly, and she admitted this to me in a 'what do you want from me' kind of tone; she was pretty bad at understanding emotional, and psychiatric needs, or giving affection to her children mentally or emotionally, though she did make sure we had the basics: clothes, food, and a place to stay at and personal entertainment, but there was no affection beyond the occasional conversation, or text message of a 'Happy Birthday', but what good is a text message if it doesn't come from someone you love? We just weren't close, and I think I'm the only one who knew it, so I never bothered pressing the issue with her because I knew she was incapable of understanding it on a human level; it was way too obvious to me, and when I was 17, after a major family issue, that literally had me loosing my mind, I got this sudden urge to yell, and curse, and even cry, but then at the speed of thought, an impression crossed my mind saying 'she doesn't even understand you', and that was the moment, I decided to let her go as well. She on her good days seemed more like a work-mate or friend, rather then a mother, so I definitely won't be looking back in the rear-view mirror, or waving when I leave them for good. There's nothing to miss, so there's no point in returning.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
Ugh...when having a conversation on ideals in mates for my sisters and me...my esfj dad casually said, "yeah I mean your mom (isfj) thinks you could do better (than my intj boyfriend) but I don't nessecarily agree!" Even though I don't want to admit it-that hurt. My isfj mom doesn't understand my intj boyfriend and has always struggled to accept him...sigh....I guess living in a world where we all love each other and get along will never happen....
 
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