[curious0610]

Can you guys share your experience with ESTJs? Especially.... romantically? I've been noticing that a certain ESTJ has been spending a lot of time observing me. I don't know what he thinks about me, but I feel a sense of security and being guarded when I know he is watching me. And in your experiences with ESTJs, what do you think attracted them to you? What caught their eyes about you? What did they/do they appreciate about you?

 

[vel]

Little experience. According to statistics they very common in population, about 1 out of 10 guys, but somehow I just never really came in contact with them. I think we are too dissimilar or something that our activities/jobs/friends don't overlap much. Or may be I just haven't noticed them or thought that they are boring somehow. Don't know. On their forums they say INFJs are kind of boring to them. According to socionics ESTJ is our best match for long-term relations, so called duality partner. Why these relations are supposedly good is because each partner doesn't emphasize the other's weak point, there is enough dissimilarity to keep interest going, and partners respect each other's strong points.

I have gotten to know one ESTJ over an online game. He is older, in his 40s, married, has a career in IT. He is very Te-ish, likes getting things done, pragmatic, committed to doing his best, reliable, sometimes you see that tertiary Ne peaking through as he schemes and rearranges things when making plans for the future. Nothing too grand. He can also sometimes say some weird things that are not very ESTJ-ish in character and resemble what ENTPs would say, but you can sense that it is not quite on the same level in him as it happens in ENTPs. He is critical of people, especially people underperforming. Strangely enough I can relate to that Tries manipulating at times, but it comes out very crudely. At least I can see it a mile away, but people still agree with him as he doesn't insist on doing anything usually that wouldn't make sense. He just kind of identifies what seems to concern others and puts it into his plan so that it makes good impression on majority. On rare occasion he has anger outbursts especially if he spots expressions of Fi anywhere. Did I mention he can be very critical of people?

I've gotten into mini-conflicts with him several times, mostly because I wanted to move things along and his approach is to find best position and then fortify in it, entrench, build up a fortress. I just like changing stuff and I can randomly flip from one thing to another. He has made a comment in the past that he doesn't understand how I can randomly change from one subject to another and flip my attention to several things at the same time. He is most comfortable following one thing through and he absorbs information linearly, while I am most comfortable multitasking of course. He gets upset with the ENFP guy because he is very openly random and ESTJ just can't follow the discussion. He understands things in a very concrete specific manner, there is little of this many possibilities, it is very clear cut, a leads to b and nothing else. I'd say this is where we experience misunderstandings the most. Given same thing to read we are prone to understanding it in two different manners.

Some more info here about this kind of pairing - sounds like this was translated from Russian and they didn't hire the best translator:
4th quadra: the rational dual pair
http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin/delta-quadra/16082-estj-infj-duality-description-aushra.html
http://www.typologycentral.com/foru...l-romance-infj-estj-duality-any-thoughts.html

 

[KrystRay]

Enjoy it. Or ask him what he thinks of you. We LOVE telling people what we think. We appreciate people who are responsible, who do what they say they're going to do, work hard, are honest...

We are really blunt people sometimes but we do not mean to hurt your feelings. If he does do something that makes you upset, if you tell him, "My feelings get hurt when you do/say/act like_______," he will do everything in his power to make sure that you don't feel that way again. Communication is key for us because we have 6 billion different things going on in our minds. The squeaky wheel gets the oil. Especially since you're an INF, we are not mind readers, and we are not very intuitive about what you're feeling. I suppose we can be trained to be more in touch with those sides, but if he's younger than like 30, he probably hasn't had any interest in doing so.

Have fun and don't mind the control freak nature! Unless he has some wierd obsessive compulsive issues like sleeping on a pile of your clothes while you're not home (that was a joke from the crazy ex's thread), just go along with it.

 

[WidowsAndOrphans]

My brother is an ESTJ. He loves confrontation and likes stirring the pot for entertainment value. He's a very "shit or get off the pot" type of person and has limited tolerance for talkers & dreamers. He really hates passiveness and people who skirt the issue and in turn can come off as abrasive and insensitive. He's alarmingly driven and somewhat status-conscious. He's charming, everybody loves him. His wife is the center of his world and she has definitely softened him. He is the most loyal person I know and he seems to really enjoy being the "provider."

Oddly enough, my brother is probably my favorite person, but it is definitely a very "fire & ice" dynamic. After spending time with him, I always feel so fucking motivated to get up off my ass and start "doing". If you can get past the typical INFJ hypersensitivity and aversion to conflict, I think the pairing can be symbiotic.

 

[KrystRay]

He loves confrontation and likes stirring the pot for entertainment value..

That's me! lol!!! But only when I am bored and have nothing better to do. Keep him entertained. I might be a little crazier because I'm a woman. :laughing:

 

[waterviolet]

The ESTJ I dated was interesting yet frustrating all at the same time. He always based his conclusions on the "facts" he saw but only from his point of view. Let me just say, his point of view was incorrect quite a few times. He had a great passion about him and the know-how to fix and do just about anything he put his mind to. What I could not handle was the argument that would arise if things weren't exactly as he saw it. He became paranoid, he felt as if a person was trying to pull something over on him and I found it very tiresome. In my case, I was constantly having to stand up for myself even though I knew I did nothing wrong. Talk about anxiety times 1-million! Needless to say, it didn't work out.