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I would like some insight into what INTJs tend to think/feel/about isfps. If you have any experience or opinions on how they get along professionally, platonically, romantically or otherwise, what it's like interacting with one, or anything at all you'd like to share please do.


Also sorry about the grammar. I have no excuse really just dgaf.
 

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As an ENTJ who verges on being INTJ, my only issue with ISFPs is that they suck at conversations.
 
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My closest female friend is an ISFP. When she's not being a chatterbox or interrupting my thinking to tell me nothing, she's easy to be around. She's chill and transparent. Occasionally she tries to be sneaky (she has a tendency toward being passive) but she's pretty bad at it and stops immediately on being told to cut it out, fortunately (unlike some NF girls I've known). She says she likes being around me bc she can be her true self. She's cute the way she's learned to emotionally self-serve around me: I get "tell me you love me!" or "hug me!" lol.

We do the introvert quiet time, focused on our own activity but together, at home thing as well as going out and having fun together (both enjoy music & dancing). We respect our many differences and frequently laugh at them. We have a similar sense of humor -- she seems to catch my sarcastic comments/dry humor faster than others (even though she's not the smartest). We 'get' each other (presumabily bc of the shared functions). She gets a thrill out of seeing a side of me (relaxed/playful) that others don't.

The toughest thing is communication. It's normally not a problem in simple everyday things. Although occasionally she'll leave out the topic of her sentence and I have to guess what she's talking about (usually isn't hard, it's just weird that she does that. And I've heard that other ISFPs do this too). Her communication/intuition skills are so weak it's fun to toy with her by cutting her off mid sentence, answering her question, leaving her utterly bewildered as to how I can do that:
ISFP: "I'm the worst friend ever..." (would have ended up saying 'can I eat your chips?')
INTJ: "I bought them for you"
ISFP: "How could you know..." (what I was going to say)
INTJ: "I just do" (I know her snack schedule/she took a step towards the kitchen/had guilt in her voice)
ISFP: "You can't" (laughing)
INTJ: "Just did"
ISFP: "That's creepy" :)

Unfortunately the communication can be a serious problem. I was helping her with her career selection last summer and after looking into technical requirements and trying to do a 10 year plan with her, there were moments where both of us felt extremely frustrated -- so much so we'd have to take a break/stop planning for that day (even though we are well aware of our differences and are usually tolerant of one another). It only takes an hour or so for our frustration to pass but I could never do 'thinking' work like this with an ISFP (assuming she's typical).

Communication and her lack of depth (in vision, intelligence and emotionally) would be the two biggest downsides for me. She feels a lot, I know, but her feelings shift like weather (and are largely dependent on Se input in reality, even though she doesn't like admitting that. She gets 'food mood' -- I keep snacks at my place for her for my safety and if a guy dumps her I show her pictures of hot guys, even though that's utterly ridiculous lol). I think I'd get bored if she was my best friend and we saw each other all the time (my best friend is an ISTP guy, what a difference that T makes). And if I ever express any vulnerability, she is very quick to dismiss it "but you're super smart" (implying I'll work it out). Fortunately I don't need emotional support from my friends, so it's not a big deal. But I could never be in a romantic relationship with an ISFP -- I need more depth.

I like how loyal and sweet my ISFP 'weekender' friend is. Knowing that my privacy is assured and she's not going to morph into a 'mean girl' (like I've experienced with an ENFP girl) is really important as a teenage girl (the rumors girls will start against one another can be brutal and other drama loving girls love to spread them around to people who don't know you well enough to know it's a lie). I don't like drama or having to 'end' girls who try this on me, so I'm especially careful which girls I let 'in'. I also don't like that many girls I've tried to be friends with want to faux boyfriend me (lean on me excessively and tell me how pretty I am 16 times a day while also telling me they can't wait to meet a man who is exactly like me creepiness). ISFP doesn't do this to me.

I also really like how, for the most part, she's neutral to cheerful. She smiles readily. A lot of other girls I know are depressed (I mean in an emo no-real-reason way not clinically, not for some valid reason). As if it's cool to see the negative in everything, constantly complain (while doing nothing) and act like they have no control. I can't stand having negative people around me. It sucks the life out of the room. On the rare occasion ISFP gets like that I tell her to be positive or go home. She gets it. I also like that she can handle my blunt Te talk and never takes it personally. Occasionally she'll check to see if something's wrong when I'm simply in 'work/efficiency mode', but she gets me/accepts me/let's me be overall.

There aren't any XNTJ/INTP girls in my local area, but of all the girls around me, my ISFP friend is my favorite. I like to have at least one close female friend (getting along with 'thinker' males is far more easy/natural for me). I don't think her & I will be life long friends but I'm grateful to have her at this stage. We have a lot of fun together. From the people I've met so far, after NTs & ISTPs, IXFPs would be my next favorite type/s. In case it wasn't clearly implied, I understand that my one ISFP friend is unlikely to represent all ISFPs. Although I will say that sometimes, to tease each other, we'll read out funny things found online about ISFPs and INTJs to each other and both end up laughing so hard bc we both seem so typical for our type, ridiculously so.

Bottom line: I like you, I just don't want to work with you or date you.
 

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My sister is an ISFP. She's very drawn to her own feelings and can be reclusive when sucked into them. She spent a few years not really wanting to communicate with the outside world. She has very bad Avoidant PD, which I also have to a lesser extent. She also has a very strong propensity to make her values heard. She has rather strong Te and it shows a lot of the time. It probably wouldn't surprise you to hear that she's been art-oriented career wise. She's a graphic designer right now. We have interesting conversations because we probably are the most...discerning of my immediate family (ISTJ father, ESFJ mother, ESFP sister). We agree on a lot of things. Sometimes I'll go on about a subject and she doesn't really know what to say but she will certainly feign interest. I get flack from her for not being uber-sympathetic and forgiving of people. Pretty common ISFP. She and my ESFP sister live together and their dynamic is very interesting. We all get along, I guess it's a Gamma function thing. Any two types with strong Fi and Ni will probably have an easy time getting along.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
This INTJ person I know goes on about how much their ex hurt them and how it still bothers them blah blah. I can't tell if she really is hurting or if she's trying to make me jealous. I've definitely said multiple times I don't want to hear about it but she still brings it up. "Oh shit I drove by her house today by accident and it ruined my mood" like how tf am I supposed to respond to that. She says she likes me and wants to be with me but its like she purposely wants to hurt me as well and I don't get it. I didnt peg Intjs as the game playing type. I wonder at times if she's just talking t0 me to make herself feel better about her ex ghosting her. Or maybe she wants to get her back aand I'm like a rebound.
 

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We are afraid of anything that might cause us emotional pain. Also, we suck at expressing our emotions. That said, she either wants to make sure that you don't hurt her the way her ex did, or she is trying to express her emotions in orther for you to comfort her. By the way, when I want to make sure someone loves me, I usually play games and make them jealous; I'm bad at reading emotions, so if they are hurt, I know that they love me for sure (once I know it for certain, I stop).
We may not say it out loud, but when we are hurt the thing that lifts our spirits the most is a hug from a loved one and reassurance.
 

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I can't tell if she really is hurting or if she's trying to make me jealous.
I don't play jealousy games. no idea if your friend-person does.

how tf am I supposed to respond to that.
that's exactly the way I felt about this post. I thought you wanted to know what 'we' thought of isfps? i'm not following how everything swerved so suddenly into this totally different zone.
 

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This INTJ person I know goes on about how much their ex hurt them and how it still bothers them blah blah. I can't tell if she really is hurting or if she's trying to make me jealous. I've definitely said multiple times I don't want to hear about it but she still brings it up. "Oh shit I drove by her house today by accident and it ruined my mood" like how tf am I supposed to respond to that. She says she likes me and wants to be with me but its like she purposely wants to hurt me as well and I don't get it. I didnt peg Intjs as the game playing type. I wonder at times if she's just talking t0 me to make herself feel better about her ex ghosting her. Or maybe she wants to get her back aand I'm like a rebound.
Ignore her.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
I don't play jealousy games. no idea if your friend-person does.



that's exactly the way I felt about this post. I thought you wanted to know what 'we' thought of isfps? i'm not following how everything swerved so suddenly into this totally different zone.
I would like to know what you think of ISFPs yes that was the original purpose of the post. I then mentioned an INTJ that I like and wanted advice on that. Thought I'd post here rather than make another thread.
 

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I have one isfp I hold very dearly.

 
We first met when we were both seven years old starting primary school. I used to be a highly conceited kid who acted like a prick back then. Basically, the other kids used to swarm up to me like bees and I liked having an exclusive group of peers the isfp was trying to adhere to. She was sweet and I played a prank on her on her birthday, when she turned nine. Fortunately, she remained friends with my sister over the years afterwards, until middle school when we got to bond better. Nothing hasty. We were both wary of each other by then (she hated my guts), but still there were plenty of events which played a significant role in our future friendship.

We don't see each other much now (once or twice a year) due to her having moved to another country before starting high school.

This girl is an isFp who leans heavily towards T. Pretty wild and reckless, but all of her past experiences have matured her in some way. I like this about her. She was also never condemning about anything I could do when we used to fight, which is something she had so many chances to be about me.
 

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SF isn't my first choice for deep~ relationships I prefer.
Jealousy games = not happening with me
And if someone says they don't want to hear it from me, then they'll never hear whatever it is from me again

Why you want INTJ opinions is more interesting than the actual question.
 

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My ex of 18 years was an ISFP. I will give you my experiences.

She was very easy going. So easy going that she almost didn’t work for years after our kids were born. Zero motivation unless it involved male attention of some sort. Money meant nothing to her. She had a secret world going on in her head that she kept me oblivious to, until the very end. Someone who believed rules didn’t apply to her. Started trying to convince me to have an open relationship because she didn’t believe in marriage anymore. After I found out she was banging the teenage boy next door, she still thought we could remain friends. Even now, when every single one of her bad choices have come home to her, she still lives in a world of lies. She’s almost delusional in that she doesn’t get people at all- she projects her own strange views out onto the world and individual people. She’s prone to extreme anger and then intense repression. She didn’t cry much, but there was always something behind the mask she wore that was a warning that you could never really know the real her at all. That pretty much sums it up. You can know an ISFP for years and you still will never know who they really are. I promise they aren’t just that chill and relaxed person they choose to project outwardly.

I always felt that my ex had to rebel against something and eventually what she rebelled against was me. Being her husband, I always felt like she resented me because she was meant to be totally free in every possible way, like a butterfly, but that I put her into the box of marriage and motherhood. Her passive aggressive nature soon became the hallmark of our daily lives. The more I gave, the more she resented me. Nice dinners eventually became inedible gruel. Sex eventually disappeared. Lying became our daily conversation. Mothering became a second adolescence to her.

She was a great mother once, and a great wife too. The thing is that ISFPs need attention. My attention wasn’t enough. An ISFP is the kind of gal that you can tell she’s ready to quit your relationship before she does. She’s the kind to primp for hours for a Facebook selfie, just to get some fresh attention. That said, she’s a great friend to an INTJ because she accepts you flaws and all. She’s also friends with other men too, and can’t understand why that’s a problem.
 

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I would like some insight into what INTJs tend to think/feel/about isfps. If you have any experience or opinions on how they get along professionally, platonically, romantically or otherwise, what it's like interacting with one, or anything at all you'd like to share please do.


Also sorry about the grammar. I have no excuse really just dgaf.
I tend to get on well with them. Never tested that out romantically or very in depth professionally but I have met several through the years and when there was a common interest or shared hobby we would always be able to carry on a conversation and do some shared activities. Never really truly connected beyond coffee dates and bike rides because they tended to want to go deeper feelings wise in conversations than I was able to but for having someone to hang out with and do things with every once in a while, it worked very well.

For example;
My SIL is an ISFP and we both like sewing. She is way more concerned with the artistic/design process behind it than I am. I’m more interested in the practical outcome of what we are doing.

Edit to add after reading the follow up: sounds like she isn’t really ready to move on. Don’t waste your time.
 

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I keep coming back to this topic here and there, but I’ve yet to develop my thoughts on ISFPs and INTJs, so maybe that’s something I’ll attempt to do now. It’s very hard to generalize a personality type and to fit that into a complete package, but I think there are distinct cognitive differences that make this kind of relationship rather difficult when it goes from a friendship to a relationship.

I’ve noticed that ISFPs tend to look for qualities in their friendships and partners who can stimulate their dominate function (Introverted Feeling), but also guide them with their weakest point (inferior Extroverted Thinking). In fact, I’ve noticed that most personality types tend to exaggerate their use and confidence of the tertiary function to some point.

“Why are you trying to help me with this function, I got this covered!”

I can have stimulating and rewarding conversations with ISFPs…sometimes…but when I try to give an ISFP advice, they have this attitude of, “What am I supposed to do with this perspective, tell me how to do it!” Well, that’s the problem, the INTJ is all about perspective. They want to give you a perspective or insight into your situation, and they expect you to do that yourself. This leads into what I had mentioned about the ISFP needing help with their inferior, as they struggle to organize and put their thoughts into action unlike an ENTJ, for example. INTJ's don’t want to sit and nurture inferior Extroverted Thinking all the time, nor do they want to get completely lost in tertiary Fi, as they too think they have that area covered already rather arrogantly sometimes (they don't want the ISFP telling them how to use Fi, just like the ISFP doesn't want the INTJ telling them how to use Ni).

This is what my relationships with ISFPs have looked like in a very generalized demonstration:

INTJ: You should look at things from this angle (Ni).
ISFP: I should, but that’s not how I feel (Fi)

ISFP: Why should I do this, it’s not what I want or value (Fi).
INTJ: Why can’t you consider other possibilities of what things could be (Ni)?

There are obviously other functions at play here, but what I’m attempting to outline is the importance of our dominate function, and how it will always lead the way of that persons personality. One comes from perspective and attempting to read between what things are (INTJ, dominant Ni), the other comes from a judgement and what they think is certain for themselves (ISFP, dominant Fi).

To be completely honest, and I’m sure people would disagree with this with how ESFPs are perceived in typology communities, but I’ve had far more successful and rewarding relationships with ESFPs than I’ve had with ISFPs. Since I've become more open minded to the ESFP personality and have gotten close to a handful of them, I've realized just how similiar we really are given the glaring differences. Both the ESFP and INTJ lead with perception, the Extroverted Thinking and Introverted Feeling is close to the center of these personality types, and they’re both drawn to, whether they admit it or not, their inferior functions.

Before I end this, I want to state that I’m aware ones values come into place, and that given the complications at times in the order of cognition, it can work between these two types. I don’t care as much about outlining this “magical” duality between people, but rather seeing how cognitive functions in another type work for and against our own stack.
 

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I have right now an ISFP classmate in University that I've been talking to for a while and the only thing she seems to actually care about is cats,sleeping and food lmao..She seems to be a kind and caring person but I really don't think that we could ever actually enjoy each other's company or even understand each other in depth.
INFPs at least have the extroverted Ne that makes them very analytical and interesting to talk to.We still don't have a similar perspective on things so our conversations still can't get too interesting but I enjoy spending time with them. ISFPs are Fi but without even having the analytical Ne..I don't see how a friendship like that could even be enjoyable for me.
 

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My mother is an ISFP.

Suffice it to say, she wasn't around in any way that matters. Someday she'll realize what she had done to me. Of course, that goes for all my ISFP ex-girlfriends too.
 

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This INTJ person I know goes on about how much their ex hurt them and how it still bothers them blah blah. I can't tell if she really is hurting or if she's trying to make me jealous. I've definitely said multiple times I don't want to hear about it but she still brings it up. "Oh shit I drove by her house today by accident and it ruined my mood" like how tf am I supposed to respond to that. She says she likes me and wants to be with me but its like she purposely wants to hurt me as well and I don't get it. I didnt peg Intjs as the game playing type. I wonder at times if she's just talking t0 me to make herself feel better about her ex ghosting her. Or maybe she wants to get her back aand I'm like a rebound.
ugh. Run away as fast as you can.

I tend to get along really well with ISFPs IRL. Maybe it's because I'm a musician (hobby, not professionally) and I come across a lot of ISFPs in that field. They "get" my language with their Se/Ni and I love their Fi. Sometimes I get the impression that they think I'm a bit of a jerk, but that's just an impression, not anything based on evidence. Basically, sometimes I'll make jokes around them and they won't show any sign of recognizing it was a joke, so I wonder if they think that I'm that serious ALL the time. I wish I could think of an example right now, but I got nothing.

I've never met an ISFP IRL who I didn't get along with (as far as I know). I also don't tend to go very deep with them either. All of the ones I can think of are acquaintances. One of my best friends is an ESFP, though.
 

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I would like to know what you think of ISFPs yes that was the original purpose of the post. I then mentioned an INTJ that I like and wanted advice on that. Thought I'd post here rather than make another thread.
ah. well, the only isfp (i think) that i'm aware of knowing seems to be a person with lots of qualities. but i never stop struggling with her, because i find her so exceptionally subjective about everything. most of the time i can't even figure out how to interpret whatever she says or sees into my own frame of reference.

and then when i do i come up with a translation on my own side that seems completely incompatible with hers. or directly conflictive with it. it's like if i spoke even a tenth of my real mind to her, 80% of our communication would be me saying 'it's not all about you' - whether i want to say it directly or not. it would still be the message delivered by whatever i do say to her.

so i keep the peace (i think there's a peace?) by just not responding to her. i never figured out how to, i guess. and i'm not very motivated to try, either.

as far as your intj friend . . . it's kind of a good example of the problem. i'm not sure what you want. you seem to be mostly just wanting to get your complaints about her off your chest. and i can't/wouldn't argue with your grounds for being disgruntled but i find the complainy tattle-tale tone so hard to make space for, i don't have a whole lot to say. you tried to set boundaries by saying you don't want to hear about her and her ex. it appears she's ignoring the boundary; cut her loose. i can say that much, but i can't join in with you by commiserating with whatever you feel about it.
 
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