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Over the years, I've been able to develop emotions (yay!). Sadly, I still do have a hard time expressing them. I frequently see myself instinctively holding back a hug or a warm greeting. I want to be able to express my emotions more! Help!
 

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Relax.

That's the best advice I can give you.

If I want to tell somebody how much I care about them I write it down. My verbal communication at best is appalling.
 
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I have emotions although I am always more of an emotion-light person. I can touch, but I can't talk, but if you are very touchy-feely, you don't need to say it out loud. Putting your head on someone's shoulder is a pretty good non-verbal gesture. Patting lightly is a little bit joking, but also tells the sentiment. I use compliments instead in those moments, and they work with all but emotion purists. I don't share emotions in real-time with anyone. I ask for help with a problem and say, "I am having anger at" or "I feel strangely sad at." And the person can help me sort them out. What's the point of expressing them? Who does it help? An exception: if they are locked away, repressed, then they should be spoken to another person. But my beliefs probably only apply to INTJs and would make nons unhealthy.

As a coping skill to not be too jarring to others, I know how to fake it, and it's only polite when someone has an emotion around you to ooh and ahh a little bit. Recently I have learned the head tilt that can go along with it. It's a little hokey, but if they want it, they don't care, and it's none of their business whether you mean it or not. They can't tell the difference anyway, and it's fairly easy to take care of a need of a non-INTJ this way. If you really enjoy the emotion thing and want to participate at that level, you can just ask how whatever situation you are in makes you feel as you go through your day. It trains the subconscious over time.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Sms

Relax.

That's the best advice I can give you.

If I want to tell somebody how much I care about them I write it down. My verbal communication at best is appalling.
Thanks. I've been telling myself that I need to just relax and let myself "get carried away" sometimes, but I haven't been successful so far. Maybe I will be after a hundred tries.

Maybe that's why I've been just "texting" my affection. I've sent more hugs through SMS than in real life, but I suppose that's better than nothing.
 

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I have emotions although I am always more of an emotion-light person. I can touch, but I can't talk, but if you are very touchy-feely, you don't need to say it out loud. Putting your head on someone's shoulder is a pretty good non-verbal gesture. Patting lightly is a little bit joking, but also tells the sentiment. I use compliments instead in those moments, and they work with all but emotion purists. I don't share emotions in real-time with anyone. I ask for help with a problem and say, "I am having anger at" or "I feel strangely sad at." And the person can help me sort them out. What's the point of expressing them? Who does it help? An exception: if they are locked away, repressed, then they should be spoken to another person. But my beliefs probably only apply to INTJs and would make nons unhealthy.

As a coping skill to not be too jarring to others, I know how to fake it, and it's only polite when someone has an emotion around you to ooh and ahh a little bit. Recently I have learned the head tilt that can go along with it. It's a little hokey, but if they want it, they don't care, and it's none of their business whether you mean it or not. They can't tell the difference anyway, and it's fairly easy to take care of a need of a non-INTJ this way. If you really enjoy the emotion thing and want to participate at that level, you can just ask how whatever situation you are in makes you feel as you go through your day. It trains the subconscious over time.
Yep, I've been able to do them pats :laughing: It took a while, though.

Regarding anger and sadness (which are 90% of the emotions I experienced as a child, when I felt any emotion at all), I know I'd like to channel them properly to the people who can help me. I have no problem with that. But I have problems with not being able to share happiness and affection. I think, at the very least, the people who I love should know how much I love them :blushed:
 

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The INTJ guy I used to be mildly smitten with (but never actually dated) would often do things like briefly rub my back if he passed by me, and that clued me into him having feelings for me more than anything he ever said. And strangely, I was okay with that.
 

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I have given up on attempting to block my emotions. They're an inevitable part of the human condition. I find after going through several traumas and severe depression, expressing my emotions was essential to my psychological survival. It took a while, but I learnt at an earlier age, so now I'm quite competent. Nevertheless, only over the internet.
I don't believe I have ever cried in public, nor said anything that wasn't essentially cerebral in nature. Instead, I'm an eloquent writer, but I'm still quite private and only share my long emotional rants with intimate family, or a best friend. I haven't had that chance to express myself in a while...

Perhaps you are more reserved like me (I scored high on Introversion), and need to have deeper conversations online before you are comfortable with any emotional integrity in reality. Although I still haven't achieved this goal. Maybe it's just not in INTJ nature?
 

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Discussion Starter #10
I have given up on attempting to block my emotions. They're an inevitable part of the human condition. I find after going through several traumas and severe depression, expressing my emotions was essential to my psychological survival. It took a while, but I learnt at an earlier age, so now I'm quite competent. Nevertheless, only over the internet.
I don't believe I have ever cried in public, nor said anything that wasn't essentially cerebral in nature. Instead, I'm an eloquent writer, but I'm still quite private and only share my long emotional rants with intimate family, or a best friend. I haven't had that chance to express myself in a while...

Perhaps you are more reserved like me (I scored high on Introversion), and need to have deeper conversations online before you are comfortable with any emotional integrity in reality. Although I still haven't achieved this goal. Maybe it's just not in INTJ nature?
Hi Incipiency, I've understood that emotions are part of the human condition, that's why I allowed myself to actually have them. Glad to have learned that. Unfortunately, I found that having emotions and expressing them are two different things altogether. I now smile and pat people at the back but I think I need more than that. Yes, I've never cried in public either, but I think I wouldn't gun for that. My tear glands are rather dry :confused:

I'm a reserved person but I think I've overcome it by forcing myself into social situations. Wasn't pretty at first (believe me) but I got used to it after a while. Maybe you just need to expose yourself more to people so that you'll overcome the Internet barrier?
 

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Maybe I'm a weird INTJ, but my preferred way of being intimate is physically. Okay, that's not entirely true, my very most favorite thing is solving her problems, but physical contact, hugging, kissing, touching, that's something I find very soothing. On the other hand, I only have this with my SO and close family. For all others, I feel almost violated by even a tap on the shoulder.

The only advice I have for you is "just do it". Go a little bit further than you are comfortable with, with people you are comfortable with.
 

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Maybe I'm a weird INTJ, but my preferred way of being intimate is physically. Okay, that's not entirely true, my very most favorite thing is solving her problems, but physical contact, hugging, kissing, touching, that's something I find very soothing. On the other hand, I only have this with my SO and close family. For all others, I feel almost violated by even a tap on the shoulder.

The only advice I have for you is "just do it". Go a little bit further than you are comfortable with, with people you are comfortable with.
My "love languages" are physical and time, which are not so great for getting anything started. I'm not touchy-feely in general nor do I typically focus a lot of attention on "random" people. So altering that because I'm interested in someone is likely to backfire.

As far as emotions in general, I keep them to myself until I feel comfortable with the person. Very few people see my more "sensitive" side... My two brothers, actually, and I'm sure that's partly because they have always been much more emotional than I am.
 

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Yep, I've been able to do them pats :laughing: It took a while, though.

Regarding anger and sadness (which are 90% of the emotions I experienced as a child, when I felt any emotion at all), I know I'd like to channel them properly to the people who can help me. I have no problem with that. But I have problems with not being able to share happiness and affection. I think, at the very least, the people who I love should know how much I love them :blushed:
Writing direct emotions should be sufficient if you really want to do it with words. I usually think that my appreciation of their thoughts and ideas through laughter or enthusiasm shows them. But the direct exchange of emotion is a bonding ritual that feeds a feeler but that IMO is not relevant for us. I use the right words when I feel it's called for, but that is because I believe in treating someone the way they deserve and that speaking in their cultural language is a gift in itself. But I'm not sure you would get the same thing out of that kind of interraction. We have different needs and that direct emotional expression might not do the same thing for you.
 
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