What you are describing is basically my son, and conflicts with his mother are a big part of what's keeping me dour.Smile, and try to be selfless.
See what keeps you alive besides drugs or alcohol.
Is there something in this world that you especially love (Again, excluding drugs or drink.) or get especially hyped or get that feeling of adrenaline for?
Do you marvel at the beauty of nature, a great piece of machinery, or intriguing information?
I think the first step is to find something that you love or cherish. Exclude alcohol and drugs.