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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
What I’m writing about today is not new, but something I revisit from time to time. I don't know if it's the INFJ thing or the result of a love deficient childhood, but I tend toward an external locus of motivation. I think and act as if my well being depended upon finding a significant other and that finding this love relationship is the answer to healing all my wounds.

I do experience long intervals of time when I find satisfaction with a more solitary life, but sometimes…

I’m aware that when I get involved with someone, I tend to dive into it at the sacrifice of everything else… as if this new person were my life line. My secondary function -- Extraverted Feeling (Fe) -- goes into overdrive and I easily lose myself. I don’t know if it’s fantasy, romantasy or escapism, but I want to find a balance to this all-or-nothing conundrum.

INFJs are known for being idealistic. For those of you in a relationship, how do you cope with this tendency to lose yourself? Is there a cure?
 

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The only cure is to be honest with yourself. I've had a broken childhood of my own, and over time, I've gone through a lot that I thought would 'fix' my abnormal desire for affection and care. But I finally learned that I have to be honest with myself that that is a part of me as much as everything else.

Remember, that need is your sword against an army of douchebags. When you find someone you know is worth investing your time in, you know that you'll be confidently loyal and fair.

Just know that aside from this need, you are still yourself. You're fine on your own, even as you've mentioned. Just look at everything aside from that need as an asset toward achieving that need- even your problems. It'd be no use to only show your strengths and find someone superficial.

[/doffs hat]
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
The only cure is to be honest with yourself. I've had a broken childhood of my own, and over time, I've gone through a lot that I thought would 'fix' my abnormal desire for affection and care. But I finally learned that I have to be honest with myself that that is a part of me as much as everything else.

Remember, that need is your sword against an army of douchebags. When you find someone you know is worth investing your time in, you know that you'll be confidently loyal and fair.

Just know that aside from this need, you are still yourself. You're fine on your own, even as you've mentioned. Just look at everything aside from that need as an asset toward achieving that need- even your problems. It'd be no use to only show your strengths and find someone superficial.

[/doffs hat]
Your thoughts are soothing. Thanks for sharing your unedited insights once again...
 
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