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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi,
I am interested in a woman at my uni who I am quite certain is an ENTJ.
I am an ENFP, though my E is very low.

I feel confident that she is interested in me back, however, I am only used to dating introverts and due to my own very low E, I suppose I am a bit intimidated by how strong her E seems to be. I am worried that, as I know she socialises quite a lot and goes clubbing a lot, that she will be bored, lose interest, and view me in a less positive light because I don't go clubbing nearly as much, and I am lot happier spending my time reading, making electronic music, and meeting with friends outside of classes maybe only once or twice a week. I worry that I might not be 'enough' for her, I suppose is what I am saying...I am definitely not used to being the more introverted one and its making me feel irrationally insecure.

So my question are:
How important is it for you for your partner to match you in your extroversion?
If your partner is less introverted, why do you like - or dislike - this quality?
 

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Hi,
I am interested in a woman at my uni who I am quite certain is an ENTJ.
I am an ENFP, though my E is very low.

I feel confident that she is interested in me back, however, I am only used to dating introverts and due to my own very low E, I suppose I am a bit intimidated by how strong her E seems to be. I am worried that, as I know she socialises quite a lot and goes clubbing a lot, that she will be bored, lose interest, and view me in a less positive light because I don't go clubbing nearly as much, and I am lot happier spending my time reading, making electronic music, and meeting with friends outside of classes maybe only once or twice a week. I worry that I might not be 'enough' for her, I suppose is what I am saying...I am definitely not used to being the more introverted one and its making me feel irrationally insecure.

So my question are:
How important is it for you for your partner to match you in your extroversion?
If your partner is less introverted, why do you like - or dislike - this quality?
I am extremely introverted, and I am never intimidated by extroversion.

You may be intimidated by lack of trust, lack of security whatever, meaningless things.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I am extremely introverted, and I am never intimidated by extroversion.

You may be intimidated by lack of trust, lack of security whatever, meaningless things.
Lack of trust? I don't fear or think that I would be cheated on, if that is what you mean? I'm always very trusting in relationships, and I would trust her too if we ever got together...I'm not sure what you mean by this? Genuinely confused.

The lack of security, maybe, but for me personally this stems from not being able to understand why she could want someone that wouldn't be as interested in going out as much as she does. I have other traits that I think would appeal to her, it's just I worry about the introversion being unappealing, if you get me?
:)
 

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Lack of trust? I don't fear or think that I would be cheated on, if that is what you mean? I'm always very trusting in relationships, and I would trust her too if we ever got together...I'm not sure what you mean by this? Genuinely confused.

The lack of security, maybe, but for me personally this stems from not being able to understand why she could want someone that wouldn't be as interested in going out as much as she does. I have other traits that I think would appeal to her, it's just I worry about the introversion being unappealing, if you get me?
:)
You can be trusting, but the fear can still be there - that will never go away.

To answer your questions in your OP:

1. I prefer the opposite, i.e. I prefer extroverts. BUT, having said that, it really does depend on what the extroversion is for. Is it for thinking? Sensing? What is it? I prefer Te or Fe.
2. Again, it really depends on what you are less introverted about...
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
You can be trusting, but the fear can still be there - that will never go away.

To answer your questions in your OP:

1. I prefer the opposite, i.e. I prefer extroverts. BUT, having said that, it really does depend on what the extroversion is for. Is it for thinking? Sensing? What is it? I prefer Te or Fe.
2. Again, it really depends on what you are less introverted about...
But I'm not worried that I will be cheated on! :) Lol. Please hear that. Maybe I am not wording this right, but if I was at all worried about being cheated on I would be open about it. I am absolutely not afraid of any partner I get being unfaithful. I've never been cheated on, (never even been dumped), never been accused of trust issues, and if we did get together I wouldn't have an underlying fear about what she is up to when I'm not with her. I am 100% not afraid of being cheated on :)

My discomfort I think comes from the fact that in prior relationships, I was the extraverted one and I knew that this trait was one that my partner was attracted to (I remember them saying this, that it brought them out of their comfort zones, etc). But now if I am the more introverted one, I am now in a novel position in which I am less sure about what the other person gets from our relationship and from me because of the fact that this person is so different from my exes. It is absolutely not stemming from fear of being cheated on. At all Am I making sense? I'm used to being the more social one, the one to arrange social gatherings, and to be with someone who enjoys being alone more. Now I feel that if she and I got together, I would be in the opposite role to the one I have played so far in my life. This makes me feel uncomfortable because it is new and unfamiliar territory.

Do you see what I mean?
 

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But I'm not worried that I will be cheated on! :) Lol. Please hear that. Maybe I am not wording this right, but if I was at all worried about being cheated on I would be open about it. I am absolutely not afraid of any partner I get being unfaithful. I've never been cheated on, (never even been dumped), never been accused of trust issues, and if we did get together I wouldn't have an underlying fear about what she is up to when I'm not with her. I am 100% not afraid of being cheated on :)

My discomfort I think comes from the fact that in prior relationships, I was the extraverted one and I knew that this trait was one that my partner was attracted to (I remember them saying this, that it brought them out of their comfort zones, etc). But now if I am the more introverted one, I am now in a novel position in which I am less sure about what the other person gets from our relationship and from me because of the fact that this person is so different from my exes. It is absolutely not stemming from fear of being cheated on. At all Am I making sense? I'm used to being the more social one, the one to arrange social gatherings, and to be with someone who enjoys being alone more. Now I feel that if she and I got together, I would be in the opposite role to the one I have played so far in my life. This makes me feel uncomfortable because it is new and unfamiliar territory.

Do you see what I mean?
I get it, you are not afraid of being cheated on. Good for you, I am not the same. There is always a hint of fear/jealousy for me, otherwise I'd be perfect, and I will not pretend to be that.

It can be uncomfortable if you are in a role you are not used to, and I don't know if I can personally stand that. Good luck.
 

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Hi,
I am interested in a woman at my uni who I am quite certain is an ENTJ.
I am an ENFP, though my E is very low.

I feel confident that she is interested in me back, however, I am only used to dating introverts and due to my own very low E, I suppose I am a bit intimidated by how strong her E seems to be. I am worried that, as I know she socialises quite a lot and goes clubbing a lot, that she will be bored, lose interest, and view me in a less positive light because I don't go clubbing nearly as much, and I am lot happier spending my time reading, making electronic music, and meeting with friends outside of classes maybe only once or twice a week. I worry that I might not be 'enough' for her, I suppose is what I am saying...I am definitely not used to being the more introverted one and its making me feel irrationally insecure.

So my question are:
How important is it for you for your partner to match you in your extroversion?
If your partner is less introverted, why do you like - or dislike - this quality?
A lot of couples I know are not matched in introversion and extroversion, actually... one is much more introverted or extraverted than the other. My own marriage is the same way.

What extraverts get out of it: You don't have to fight introverts for your share of the conversational "floor" anywhere near as often as you do other extraverts.

What introverts get out of it:
Extraverts are much more apt to enjoy small talk/shooting the bull, both alone and as part of a couple in a larger social setting. In public settings, this takes the pressure off introverts to talk more, because their partner will happily cover this duty for the pair if the introvert doesn't feel like contributing much.

What both introverts and extraverts get out of it:
I think people like to have something to bitch about, just in general. ;)
 
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I think I once read somewhere that ENTJs aren't very extroverted per se.
That sais, your extroversion as an ENFP will most probably be sufficient.
I am a low 'E' ENTJ right now, I used to have a higher 'E' and most of my exes were 'I's.
Right now though, I believe that I'd be more attracted to Es!
 
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Also, we don't have to label ourselves to be extroverted or introverted. I can be extroverted whenever I want to be if I put my heart in it.

(MBTI is not accurate. Don't live up to your MBTI. Just live your life.)
 

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Most couples I know tend to have a 'lead' extrovert, but look to their introvert for support and comfort. I'm an ENTJ and I'm quite loud and dominating in most things apart from socialising - which is why I prefer an extrovert partner.

I'm talking to a girl at the moment who is an introvert and I'm struggling with her lack of 'oomph'. Maybe that'll change over time but my natural preference is extroverts (or girls more extroverted than myself).
 

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Most couples I know tend to have a 'lead' extrovert, but look to their introvert for support and comfort. I'm an ENTJ and I'm quite loud and dominating in most things apart from socialising - which is why I prefer an extrovert partner.

I'm talking to a girl at the moment who is an introvert and I'm struggling with her lack of 'oomph'. Maybe that'll change over time but my natural preference is extroverts (or girls more extroverted than myself).
Logical. So you mean you want someone who is an extrovert in socialising, i.e. Fe?

You know introverts can also be very very social?
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
I get it, you are not afraid of being cheated on. Good for you, I am not the same. There is always a hint of fear/jealousy for me, otherwise I'd be perfect, and I will not pretend to be that.

It can be uncomfortable if you are in a role you are not used to, and I don't know if I can personally stand that. Good luck.
I can understand that the possibility of a partner cheating is always there - I certainly don't think I'm going to be lucky enough to never have it happen to me throughout my life - but I suppose I find it a little easier to forget about the chances of it happening. Plus I think if my partner cheated on me, based on my attitudes toward doing such a thing, I think I would lose too much respect for my partner for me to particularly care about the loss of the relationship, at least in that moment. I strongly value honesty, self-respect and respect for your partner in relationships...and if my partner cheated, I would be questioning how compatible our values, way of approaching problems in a relationship, and also their ability to control their impulses. All of which would completely turn me off and disintergrate any respect I once had for them. And if I have lost respect for my partner, the relationship meets its end.

Yeah, it's definitely uncomfortable, but I believe it will be worth it. I do feel reassured by the comments in this post, and if we got together, I'm sure we'll both be very vocal with each other about why we like each other. It's just the lead up that is a bit unnerving :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
A lot of couples I know are not matched in introversion and extroversion, actually... one is much more introverted or extraverted than the other. My own marriage is the same way.

What extraverts get out of it: You don't have to fight introverts for your share of the conversational "floor" anywhere near as often as you do other extraverts.

What introverts get out of it:
Extraverts are much more apt to enjoy small talk/shooting the bull, both alone and as part of a couple in a larger social setting. In public settings, this takes the pressure off introverts to talk more, because their partner will happily cover this duty for the pair if the introvert doesn't feel like contributing much.

What both introverts and extraverts get out of it:
I think people like to have something to bitch about, just in general. ;)
I agree with what you've said. It's actually made me think of a close friend that I have..we both seem to be kind of equally extraverted and yet we both seem to very easily adapt to each other's needs in any given moment. We can easily be loud and silly together, or in more serious conversations one of us can play the listener as the other vents about a problem, which is what I love most about our friendship.
I think I was worried about how kind of..selective I am in who I hang out with. I can kind of superficially connect with most people, but only a few select people I actually crave the regular company of (outside of time we'd spend working together/lectures together). In such a group, I am very loud and dominant, yet with those I feel less of a genuine and more superficial connection with, I am quieter.

Maybe this would be advantaegous with a very strong E ENTJ? I suppose I could then do my share of quieting down a bit, but be socially out there enough around my closest friends for them to enjoy it too? I don't know.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Most couples I know tend to have a 'lead' extrovert, but look to their introvert for support and comfort. I'm an ENTJ and I'm quite loud and dominating in most things apart from socialising - which is why I prefer an extrovert partner.

I'm talking to a girl at the moment who is an introvert and I'm struggling with her lack of 'oomph'. Maybe that'll change over time but my natural preference is extroverts (or girls more extroverted than myself).
That's reassuring :) I was wondering though what you mean by her lack of 'oomph'? Do you mean that she is quite emotionally flat and unexciting? Or that she isn't very spontaneous and socially excitable? Or something else entirely?
 

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That's reassuring :) I was wondering though what you mean by her lack of 'oomph'? Do you mean that she is quite emotionally flat and unexciting? Or that she isn't very spontaneous and socially excitable? Or something else entirely?
Sorry, just seen this now.

A bit of both to be honest - she is quite flat emotionally and doesn't like spontaneity. People would probably say the same about me but I'm known to be quite loud at times and get really excited and involved in certain activities/events.

She doesn't seem the type to ever get excited about things and to be very emotionally reserved. My best friend is very very loud and extroverted and she has more of the type of things I'd look for in a woman i.e. a social butterfly.
 

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It's funny, I am attracted to introverts.

Granted, I'm an extrovert, but I'm not "gabby". My ISFP husband however, will ramble and talk my ear off. =)
 
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It's funny, I am attracted to introverts.

Granted, I'm an extrovert, but I'm not "gabby". My ISFP husband however, will ramble and talk my ear off. =)
This. An INTP, two ISTJs and a few ISFJs spring to mind in regards to the "introverts who talk more than the extraverts" phenomenon.

When I was younger, I used to prefer extraverts, but that was because I needed to be approached by anyone in order for them to form a friendship with me, since I thought most people were stupid and didn't want to put in the energy. I still like being approached by people, but I'm much more open and friendly now, so I tend to prefer social-ish introverts. I'm not quite sure why this is, other than for my own security. I like feeling like I'm special, and knowing that the person I'm into isn't talking to a ton of other people makes me feel like they're putting effort in to be friends with me. I also really need silence sometimes and I don't like having a ton of people around, because my Te can only masquerade as Fe for so long. The most social I could handle in a relationship is probably somewhere around the INTP I like now- about as social as me in large groups, sometimes a little more engaged than I am, and involved in enough activities that aren't like mine to keep conversation interesting. But he can also sit in his house for two days doing nothing but research and be perfectly happy. There's also the fact that I'm an sx-dom, so I like monopolizing people's time, and the people who put up with me doing that are almost always introverts.

Introverts also tend to be the people who approach me and put effort into maintaining a friendship and reaching out to me, which is key for dealing with me because I tend to forget to reach out to people if they don't contact me pretty often.

So it's a combination of me being controlling and liking intensity and introverts liking ??? about me and making sure I know it. I guess it just comes off as more genuine to me? I love my extraverted friends, but I'm well aware I'm not always the sole focus of their attention. I like being the focus of someone's attention in a relationship or close friendship, at least some of the time.
 
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