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I started reading the ENFP threads on these forums, and I signed up just so I could ask for help. I am an ENFP down to a T. And I have a friend in my class at school that has been one of my best friends for the past year. BUT, we have had some incredibly rough fights recently... I think she is an ENFJ, it sounds just like her. She appears extremely charming, and also super manipulative. I feel like she's leading me on, making me think I'm her friend, and she regularly dumps me and spends time with other people. I can't connect with someone like this. I know she needs help, she has serious emotional problems, but she's so inconsistent.
So I wanted advice. Have any of you ENFPs had issues with friends like this? Do you ever feel STUPID for showing your true self to someone?
 

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You could have typed her wrong, since I've seen similar issues with a variety of other types. That said, I know a select few people that would say they need time 'alone' after what may have come off as an argument to him/her, yet he/she always goes to his/her OTHER friends. I tend to call this 'fake Introversion', but regardless of what it's called, it has been quite annoying to me. Every time it happens, I tend to think I did something wrong, so I naturally just fall onto Si-Te-Fe and feel guilty for the argument in the first place (usually because I'm afraid of what the argument could do to either that other person's feelings, or his/her mind, since everything someone does relies on at least one of those things - Ti/Te or Fi/Fe).

If they don't like my true self, then too bad; I'm not changing it for their sake. I can compromise and make minor changes, like giving up certain habits, as long as I think it's worth it in the grand scheme of things. However, I think anyone who judges me for such miniscule things is far too unrealistic for me, even as friends. I define 'judging' as literally treating me differently because of something (it may also be called 'discrimination', but that word tends to have certain connotations not applicable to me).

My ENTJ professor did this one thing that pissed me off to no end - he would point out my flaws in front of everyone, make a joke out of it, and then say he only did it so I could learn; however, my INTJ friend would make jokes about my flaws, but never in front of others. I actually laughed and enjoyed the INTJ's jokes, even when they were sometimes about my intelligence, because they were true; at the same time, I would reciprocate it, and that's mainly how I debate with INTJs. But Extroverts? I tend argue with them more than joke, probably because most of them aren't ambiverted (nor do any of them want to believe Introversion can be a good thing).

Anyway, I've thought about suggesting a therapist or a doctor to one friend in particular - she seems to do the same thing your friend is doing, but I haven't seen any real evidence that she is. I think she just doesn't think about it, which actually makes a lot of sense considering what I do know about her. However, I've been able to know when she's lying and when she's not, just from pure Ti-Ni-Si (and it hasn't failed me yet, though I'm just waiting for it to). That, and it helps to have spent a lot of time around her.
 
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