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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I never could understand why some guys are interested in the shy/ timid girls, its the ultimate ying & yang

The thought of me having to go through loops and obstacles just for her to smile or SPEAK frustrates me. Ive missed out on alot of potential commited relationships because some of those girls were "playing hard to get" or "being a challenge" and im too impatient to observe if theres a connection or chemistry between us. I believe that life is too short to waste valuable time on a person that acts this way. Minus dating, I lose interest in girls that could possibly be a great friend, but becuae of their shyness we never get anywhere. They say only a few words at a time and when they do speak, they put no emotion in their words. If we go out in public then they have akward, nervous body language.

My best friends GF hardly ever speaks or makes her presence known when Im around. He brags about all the "crazy goofy" things she does but theyve been together for 2 years and I havent seen anything from her yet. My ex's that im still on good terms with were not only friendly and talkative, but some of them actually made the first move. Im not saying that a guy shouldnt make the first move or appoach, but a girl thats friendly and non-withdrawn is very attractive to me. I dont want to say that shy, nervous girls have no personality, but I dont know another manner to describe it. Maybe its just me, But I cannot go 3-5 months tops and still nothing in return


I would love for anybody and everybody to explain this to me how these type of relationships lasts

P.S. By no means am I making a broad generalization, theres never an absolute(personal experiences)

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So, long story short, you admit to not investing time in getting to know them, but still kind of say they have no personalities?
classy.

The question of lasting seems irrelevant, as im guessing the issue would starting the relationship.
I'm pretty "shy", and i have no problems maintaining a relationship, i do however have slight issues initiating them :p
 

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My best friends GF hardly ever speaks or makes her presence known when Im around. He brags about all the "crazy goofy" things she does but theyve been together for 2 years and I havent seen anything from her yet.
In my case, I'm incredibly goofy around friends that I've known a while, but not with people I hardly know. I have to know I can trust the person before I can let go of my inhibitions.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
So, long story short, you admit to not investing time in getting to know them, but still kind of say they have no personalities?
classy.

The question of lasting seems irrelevant, as im guessing the issue would starting the relationship.
I'm pretty "shy", and i have no problems maintaining a relationship, i do however have slight issues initiating them :p
wouldyou want to be around somebody youve known for about 4-6 months and they still seem standoffish? (if thats a word)
 

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I guess it depends my longest relationship always talked. My most recent was pretty shy. She kept everything to herself and wouldn't tell me what made her happy. I had a hard time getting to know her but at the same time she did understand me either for talking so much.
 

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I'm very shy, but after I feel comfortable around people I start acting completely different, and I think it scares some people off...I only open up to those I feel safe around enough to let loose...

It's a lost battle if I don't find myself opening up to someone after dating for so long...it means there's no trust for some reason, and as much as I would like to make it work, I know that there's no point...

I try very hard to communicate what goes on in my mind, cause me being so shy not only leads people into thinking that I'm a snob, a bitch and some kind of a weird combination of Bernadette from the Big Bang Theory and a table lump , it can lead me to very dangerous situations, that only my Ni in a form of passive aggressive gets me out of, and I don't want to get to these places...
It's impossible for me to feel comfortable when I feel I'm being judged, so even if I can say my mind, I still won't reveal my true self...

I don't know how others feel about their shyness, I was only expressing the way I experience it...
 

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My advice is to just stay away from introverted girls then.

Sometimes when you peel back the layers of a personality you might find a truly wonderful (and highly entertaining) person underneath it all.

Being reserved doesn't mean boring at all it may just be the kind of mask that keep shallow boys away:bored:
 

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wouldyou want to be around somebody youve known for about 4-6 months and they still seem standoffish? (if thats a word)
It probably means they aren't that into you, or don't trust you, for whatever reason.

I've met people I can open up to within five minutes, and some people will know me for years, but never really know me. It's because I don't want them to.

I can normally tell people I will like or not and who will accept me pretty quickly.

I'd try being more approachable yourself, and acting more openly.

Someone I work with asks me: how was your weekend.

I'd usually just say: fine...then ask about their weekend, and listen to them talk about it.

He gets this odd smile and says: yeah...ok, how was your weekend really?

I'll tell him, and other things about me I wouldn't normally volunteer, because I know he actually cares.

If I don't think you care, or you’re an ass, I'm going to keep up whatever front I am using. At work it is Friendly, yet Bland. Beneath that I'm utterly crazy, and do weird things like climb trees so I can jump from them onto my friends bellow. But you need to prove you can deal with that side of me first. If I like you I'll put hints and things out there to see how you deal with more of my actual personality, but if you don't take the bait or respond badly, you won’t get any more out of me.

So with the guy at work, I'll make a comment about not liking a book. He'll say: Oh, so you don't like self help books?*smile* You're already perfect?...I'll think, wow, you actually listened to me, rather than just started talking about himself, like how he disliked that book and similar ones, or talking about something else entirely. So I'll say: Well, duh...just look at me, how could you get better than this? He'll laugh, so I will say similar sassier things to him in future, giving a little more each time.

It's just simple little things like that, people are often to wrapped up in themselves to bother with it, or notice when a bit of personality is shining through.

If you aren’t prepared to put in the effort or pay attention, you won’t get anything back, regardless of how long you have known someone. In truth you don't know them at all, you're just talking to a mask. If you are happy to only see and talk to my mask, that's all you will ever get.

Would you want to be around someone you have know for 4-6 months who doesn't seem to listen to you, and who doesn't seem to care much about what you think or have to say?

Cos that's how you're probably coming off. You're likly just saying things, asking the usual dull questions, and they listen, and give the usual dull anwsers. You're expecting a shy/introverted person to just put themselves out there, and respond to information about you or a subject, with information about them.

They don't work that way. It's not they don't want to, but you need to create openings for them. Once they get going and comfortable with you, then you don't need to worry as much about this sort of thing, if at all.
 

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Cauliflower and Filigeedreamer both put it very nicely. As a shy person, I very much like people who really want to get to know me. When I sense they don't really want to then I am not about to open up to them. I'm sure shy people around you catch on to your feelings about them and this is why you never get to know them; which in turn makes you more frustrated with them...it's like an endless cycle lol. Just know that shy people are often very interesting once you get to know them so you may be missing out.
 

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Hmm...I suppose I'm the sort of "shy girl" the OP mentioned, but I'd consider myself more "reserved."

I do incredibly goofy and eccentric things--around the right people. ^.^ My boyfriend (previously a good friend) is quite an extrovert, but since he's been patient for a few weeks, I've had time to adjust to being in a romantic relationship, and I'm settling back into the snarky, talkative person I am around my closest friends.

Just give a girl time. If it's a good relationship, one with potential, she'll eventually become comfortable. If she's not getting more comfortable around you...maybe it's not a good fit for either one of you. ^.^
 

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wouldyou want to be around somebody youve known for about 4-6 months and they still seem standoffish? (if thats a word)
Standoffish is a word.

You have no connection with this girl. Time to move on.
 

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I never could understand why some guys are interested in the shy/ timid girls, its the ultimate ying & yang

The thought of me having to go through loops and obstacles just for her to smile or SPEAK frustrates me. Ive missed out on alot of potential commited relationships because some of those girls were "playing hard to get" or "being a challenge" and im too impatient to observe if theres a connection or chemistry between us. I believe that life is too short to waste valuable time on a person that acts this way. Minus dating, I lose interest in girls that could possibly be a great friend, but becuae of their shyness we never get anywhere. They say only a few words at a time and when they do speak, they put no emotion in their words. If we go out in public then they have akward, nervous body language.

My best friends GF hardly ever speaks or makes her presence known when Im around. He brags about all the "crazy goofy" things she does but theyve been together for 2 years and I havent seen anything from her yet. My ex's that im still on good terms with were not only friendly and talkative, but some of them actually made the first move. Im not saying that a guy shouldnt make the first move or appoach, but a girl thats friendly and non-withdrawn is very attractive to me. I dont want to say that shy, nervous girls have no personality, but I dont know another manner to describe it. Maybe its just me, But I cannot go 3-5 months tops and still nothing in return


I would love for anybody and everybody to explain this to me how these type of relationships lasts

P.S. By no means am I making a broad generalization, theres never an absolute(personal experiences)

EDIT POST
Well, if you look for a typical rational explanation of many things about sex, you won't find it. Sex ain't logical and that's why I love it.
Personally, I love men and women too that look innocent or serious, don't ask me why, maybe because I think about how many hidden kinks they have, and I say "ha, I'm gonna pervert them..." LOL
Like nerds. i love nerdy people. and nerdy people are incredibly sexy (the ones I've met) because they are dirtier than anyone at last, and whoa.
 
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wouldyou want to be around somebody youve known for about 4-6 months and they still seem standoffish? (if thats a word)
no, i would not count on having a relationship with them if they don't seem friendly towards me - i'll think that they are not interested
however, how do you know it is their shyness and not your personality that makes them act guarded around you?
you seem to approach it as some kind of barter "I've invested time into you now I consider you to be indebted to me"
i mean seriously what kind of attitude is that?
 

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i'm looking to bag myself a shy girl.. it's pretty much my waking fantasy.

but i've been out with only introverts and that's because introverts intrigue me. as an ENFP i can read most extroverts like an open book, but introverts present a challenge, and that intrigues me. i'm one of those guys who loves the chase, and let me tell you it is SO much more of a buzz chasing someone who doesn't give much away. the small moments of reciprocation become so much more meaningful, and flirting- OMG.

besides, i like to feel protective of women, it makes me feel all gallant and knightly :tongue:

but probably the biggest reason is that with introverts you really feel HONOURED to have them find you attractive. extroverts tend to need far less to trust and fancy someone, with an introvert you really feel you must stand out from the crowd- and that feels amazing.

and dude i agree with vel's post, you seem to have a very narrow minded attitude. what most men don't realise is that women, especially introverted women, are very perceptive and can tell what kind of person you are and whether to trust you. if you're carrying that kind of attitude around i'm not surprised they don't open up to you. and actually introverts don't necessarily take longer to "court", ok they won't usually just make out with you at the party where you just met, but it's only taken a couple of days in the past to get them to go out with me.
 

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I've been attacted to obviously extraverted people before, however I find myself a little scared, and feeling like 'How could someone like that ever find me interesting, or enjoyable to be around?' in reality I'm not that much of a failure, socially, however their loud personality and my low confidence lead to me not even attemtping to try to open up, rather closing up and becoming more reserved. Self-fullfilling prophecy built to keep hurt feelings and a broken heart at bay. Like someone who's underconfident andunexperienced at dancing being onstage next to someone who'se pretty awesome at it.

I guess if a person doesn't give many expressions and such, there's nothing for you to judge and make them feel bad about, if that makes sense - keeping as low key as possible?

I think, like others have said it's a case of being unkeen to trust people, also that just because someone is quiet and reserved and shy doesn't mean they have little peronality, rather they keep it locked up away from those who are intimidating or overwhelming for whatever reason.

But if the differences are to great, not to worry, settle for whoever you click wth best.
 

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For starters, if she's shy, you probably intimidate the hell out of her. Secondly, the guy friend has to feel a level of security because he knows his girl is not going to run off and speak with every Joe in area. Hence, she's all his (got the drift so far?). Coupled with the "things she does" pretty much keeps his interest. Imagine being with a woman that everyone assumes is quiet and lifeless.....then at night....think naughty librarian.
 
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