Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 24 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
64 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I realized that I avoid contact with people whom I do not know or trust. I never had really noticed it in the past but more recently its become really apparent to me and it feels kind of awkward now that I see it. I will be with a friend or family member and their friends and even if the friend is talking to me i primarily direct my response to my friends/family and maybe glance at the other person....

Do any of you do that?
 

·
Registered
INFJ
Joined
·
2,568 Posts
Yes. I feel very uncomfortable making eye contact with someone I don't trust. I think looking away might be some sort of self preservation tactic. I know eye contact makes me feel vulnerable and exposed. Maybe we don't mind seeing them, but that it's us that doesn't want to be seen.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,359 Posts
I make eye contact with almost everyone, it's a large part of how I read people. I rarely trust people, but that doesn't play any roll in how often I make eye-contact.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Raain and Symphi

·
Registered
Joined
·
105 Posts
I'm not sure. Because when I'm aware of the fact that I'm making eye contact, somehow it become really awkward for me and difficult to maintain, but if I'm not thinking about it... well then I'm not thinking about it and therefore have no clue whether or not I make eye contact. However, when I am aware it is easier, at least a bit, to make eye contact with someone I know over someone I don't know. I can watch people quite effectively without making actual eye contact, though, which words well for me.

Eye contact can just be really intense sometimes.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
956 Posts
Yeh, I notice I do this a little also. It's almost like I freeze up around people I don't trust as if to not let any empathy seep in or something to keep them at bay. I'm cordial with responses and I make eye contact but more like glances like you said compared to the kind of contact I have with someone I do trust.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,164 Posts
You can tell a lot about someone from just looking into their eyes. Your face can cover up only so much but your eyes can't hide it all. For the most part, I make it a point to get eye contact in if the person is comfortable with it but I never liked it as a kid so if they're not one to look you in the eye, I don't force it.

Now when it comes to people I don't like, I'll ignore them. The only exception is if they come to me for something and they're sincere, our eyes will meet. There are only a few people that have made that list however.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
982 Posts
I've always had a tough time trying to make eye contact with people. Whether its been with family members, friends, coworkers, or acquaintances, maintaining eye contact has been difficult for me. That's one thing I really do not like about myself, especially since it has been enough to make some people think that I am not trustworthy or sincere. I guess it's because I've always felt like if I make eye contact with someone, they will see the ugliness within me and run away screaming in the other direction. That probably sounds dumb, but that's just how it's been for me.
 

·
Fu Dominant
Joined
·
10,720 Posts
I generally avoid eye contact, simply because Ni runs wild with it. I end up getting some very distinct "vibes" from people through their eyes. It's disconcerting, because I'll be chatting with someone who I find to be generally nice and have no real problem with, then I happen to make eye contact, and suddenly it's like I've seen them commit a crime or something. Like their eyes give me a glimpse into their value system or moral fabric or whatever. Then I find them to be repulsive.

So yeah, rather than that happening, I just try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt by avoiding it. It's kinda creepy to be able to just "know" a person's demeanor like that.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,402 Posts
I probably make more eye contact with someone I don't trust because I'm trying to figure out why I have that feeling about them. Eye contact gives useful information. I avoid eye contact when dealing with someone I don't like.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
64 Posts
Discussion Starter #10
Reading your responses and thinking about this more it does feel somewhat like a superpower/weakness because like @Joon said its almost like I am giving the person access to me through my eyes but for me its not so much access as it is a welcoming. If I give you my eye contact you are welcome to talk to me, if not you can talk and I will listen but i'm not necessarily happy about it. This actually feels very similar to what i have seen called a "door slam" on here but in reverse. Part of my "door slam" I know is the silent treatment and the see through you/past you, always has been not sure why... But its like my defense mechanism I suppose. So then essentially this avoidance of eye contact would be considered my "peephole" before I decide to open the door?


However like @wondersueak said I can also read people very well through their eyes (as well as word choice, intonation, body language etc) but I don't actually consider this eye contact if there is not a nonverbal conversation happening, its more like eye observation lol

When I am at work I am "eye contact" city, i observe and analyze *everyone*. But it is humorous when like @Sulare said I become conscious of it, not that making eye contact is awkward as much as me making it with the wrong people. In a meeting for example of one of my co-workers is unloading a bunch of b.s. (and its obvious to me) I will be watching the person who the conversation is directed at even though they are not speaking at all and everyone else is looking elsewhere. That always make me blush a bit when I realize it appears i'm completely zoned out...

.... rambling sorry
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
179 Posts
I usually love making eye contact with people, it tells me a lot about them, I honestly believe you can tell a lot about someone by looking them into the eyes.
I can look people who I don't like and don't respect easily in the eyes, I always try to figure why are they the way they are, why is their belief system so messed up.
But I have trouble looking into the eyes of people who are deep and introspective, because I get the feeling they can read me too and then I feel exposed.

I recently had two very interesting situations.
Few days ago at a place I volunteer father of some child said to me how I have beautiful and very intense eyes, like I can see right through him and it made me feel really uncomfortable, so I was avoiding the eye contact with that man the whole time after that.
I don't like when people read me through my eyes, I don't know why, I guess I can't hide anything...

The other situation. I believe I have met my first male INFJ (just a speculation, though) and the guy has such a deep, gentle eyes it's
unbelievable, I feel like he can see my soul and I have to FORCE myself to look him in the eyes, it's too intense for me.
But the moment he looks at me I have to look down and I hate it. It's really weird and I don't know what to think of it.

When speaking with someone I tend to focus on people's eyes (not looking down for a second) and there aren't many peple who can handle that. People who hold eye contact with me the entire time interest me a lot, though.

But when I stumble upon someone who I feel can read me, WHOA, I get all confused... :D

Eyes really are the windows to the soul...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,271 Posts
I realized that I avoid contact with people whom I do not know or trust. I never had really noticed it in the past but more recently its become really apparent to me and it feels kind of awkward now that I see it. I will be with a friend or family member and their friends and even if the friend is talking to me i primarily direct my response to my friends/family and maybe glance at the other person....

Do any of you do that?
i think that's pretty normal- i do that, maybe not quite to the same degree but yeah. if i have a vested interest in being friends with them, like if i arrive at uni and meet a flatmate who i know i'm probably going to get friendly with of course i make like, 50-50 eye contact, but if it's someone serving at a counter or someone i've just met i will just glance at them occasionally.

eye contact tells you too much about a person i feel- which is ok when you know the person well, but you don't want just anyone guessing your inner thoughts through your eyes. it doesn't exactly surprise me that INFJs don't take eye contact lightly. There's nothing really wrong with that- particularly when you're the one talking, maybe if someone is wanting your attention for something important it is certainly necessary to maintain eye contact but that's about it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
17 Posts
I make eye contact with almost everyone, it's a large part of how I read people. I rarely trust people, but that doesn't play any roll in how often I make eye-contact.
Yes eye contact is very important to me. I make sure I observe that person and watch out for certain characteristics. Even more I watch when they do and say routine things, seems "stalkerish" but it fascinates me.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,350 Posts
I make eye contact when one-to-one, but in a group I tend to flick my gaze around a lot. Not sure why, maybe I'm keeping an eye on things. It seems to work as an includer, though - if someone asks me something and I reply, while looking around at others, they also feel more comfortable responding to the same question. It's strange, but I guess it works out well.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
32 Posts
I like the idea about Ni giving you the ability to 'see' into the motives of someone. As a heavy Ne user I think I have the same but with current emotions and thoughts. I am not sure if it makes sense but if I look at a stranger I kind of get a whole 'vibe' of how that person feels at that moment. With people I know it actually is harder because I already have a framework of them.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8 Posts
I make less eye contact with people than I should, I know that.

I don't consciously try to avert my eyes, it just happens so naturally and quickly.

It's a habit I wish I could break and probably should try to break for my own good. During job interviews, for instance, I've had to remind myself to make eye contact and it took a real effort on my part to do so.

I think, the amount of eye contact someone gets out of me could also be determined by my mood. If I'm in a more excitable mood, they are more likely to get good eye contact than if I am feeling apathetic.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
970 Posts
I tend to keep steady contact.
Particularly if I feel like I need to set the tempo with that person/hostile.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,722 Posts
This is a tough one for me, because I've been noticing my self unable to keep the contact more with a close friend of mine, who I hang out with every day. I think it may have to do with the vulnerability thing. She knows so much about me already, because I chose to share it with her, but I think she judges me without meaning to. She lets me be who ever I want to be, but I can tell there is a lot she doesn't understand, and doesn't approve of. The people I love and respect the most are the ones I can most effortlessly hold eye contact with, as well as people who are more timid than i, or extraverts who seem to care about me. When I'm angry, I avoid looking at them at all, regardless of how well I know them, probably because I subconsciously always try to hide my anger. They would be able to see the coldness right away if i looked at them.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
15 Posts
I know what you mean, I usually make eye contact when I am talking to people, but with strangers I find myself constantly looking away... and with cell phones now, I can't help breaking eye contact and looking down at my phone every couple minutes. I've realized it may come across as rude or that I am not interested, so I am trying to stop doing it...but like Joon said, keeping eye contact with someone I don't know well can make me feel vulnerable
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
106 Posts
It used to be difficult for me to make eye contact, but now it's not really a problem. I use it as a way to acknowledge someone. A very rare person can make me uncomfortable with constant eye contact. When I do get uncomfortable it's usually because I feel like they are looking into my soul. When I avoid eye contact it's because I'm uncomfortable with that person, or I don't trust them.
 
1 - 20 of 24 Posts
Top