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Interesting! Thanks for posting this.

I also feel like my "lovemap" (and I'm using that term loosely because I am pretty ignorant about enneagram) is mostly unconscious--that there have been certain qualities I just assumed were there (in a partner). These qualities were only discovered in events where I felt very betrayed or (IDK--endangered, misunderstood), as being "non-negotiable" requirements for love.



This thread makes me want to know my enneagram and instinctual variant.
 

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PerC's 6w6
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Yep, in two different Wagele books. :happy: I've found the table to be accurate from my research on ISTJ types on this site, too.
Ha! Knew it! :tongue:. Thanks again - this is really insightful... Maybe one day I'll know as much about the system as you do, and then >:D *rubs hands together*
 

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You have used your Enneagram result to come up with you so call "Love Map"? Where can I read more about that?

I'm brand new to the forum and just did the the test to discover being a 7w6 and I'm really eager to learn more about it.

Thanks!
 

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MOTM Feb 2012
ISTJ 9w1
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Discussion Starter #24
You have used your Enneagram result to come up with you so call "Love Map"? Where can I read more about that?

I'm brand new to the forum and just did the the test to discover being a 7w6 and I'm really eager to learn more about it.

Thanks!
No, your lovemap is independent of enneagram type. A combination of traits that your father exhibits and life experiences form it, and it's impossible to know every item on it because much of it is subconscious.
 

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I think it's beautiful how we connect as humans. Quite interesting to read about these elements which we try to find out about, even intentionally. I believe love is influenced by our most personal and deep feelings, thoughts, beliefs, etc... and this is why it's hard to find a true match, because it takes time to trust someone with something so vulnerable and true to one.

Thank you for sharing!
 

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"Sex, Love and Your Personality: The Nine Faces of Intimacy" by Judith Searle Seems interesting. I'm looking at the preview of the book. Do you know if you can download a torrent of the book?
 

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MOTM Feb 2012
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"Sex, Love and Your Personality: The Nine Faces of Intimacy" by Judith Searle Seems interesting. I'm looking at the preview of the book. Do you know if you can download a torrent of the book?
Not sure. I own the hard copy and Kindle preview. :)
 

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Not sure. I own the hard copy and Kindle preview. :)
Oh ok I saw a preview on amazon.com of the book. Didn't know enneagram was so popular. Instinct variant is interesting. I'm trying to figure out my instinct variant. I think I'm SX/SP/SO. My enneagram type is probably type 9 or 6. But I'm still sometimes unsure. Probably I am a nine. Nines normally feel they other types. I'm not as reactive as a six. But I do have trust issues with people.
 

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how interesting! it makes sense to me though...being with a fellow "reactive" is probably for the best and we have the same wing just different enneagram numbers.
 

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@MBTI Enthusiast So with these five factors do you match it with your three letter mbti matches and enneagram type? I'm a bit confused about this one. For example I'm a ISFP 9w8 so/sx. Type 9s males tend to marry 4 or 8. The harmonic triad for 9 are 2,7,9. So I would pick with someone in my three letter mbti who shares my harmonic triad, enneagram subtype and psychological health right? Lol I'm confused
 

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All I can say on this topics is that instinctual variants come into play heavily in this.

To me as a therapist, it's clear that two individuals who are at the Healthy Levels of Development and who share compatible lovemaps—no matter what their personality type—have a good chance of creating a lasting relationship. (I feel that type matches and mismatches are less relevant to relationship success than lovemaps, psychological health and the other elements in the Five Factors. But, for readers interested in exploring this subject, we have listed several relevant books in our Bibliography) However, remaining at the healthy levels can be extremely challenging—and might sometimes feel impossible for many of us.

Coates, Mona; Searle, Judith (2011-07-15). Sex, Love and Your Personality: The Nine Faces of Intimacy (pp. 29-30). Therapy Options

Personality Subtypes Third on my list of factors that can predict long-term relationship success is having the same Enneagram subtype. When I first started working with the Enneagram in the early 90s, I wasn't aware of how important subtypes actually are. But after years of working with couples, I'm convinced that partners who share the same subtype have a better chance of staying together over the long haul than those with different subtypes. If both partners are Self-preservation or both are Sexual or Social, it's much easier for them to establish empathy, set priorities and share common values as a couple.

Coates, Mona; Searle, Judith (2011-07-15). Sex, Love and Your Personality: The Nine Faces of Intimacy (p. 30). Therapy Options Press. Kindle Edition.
 

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Level of psychological health is an important factor, but more importantly is if the person is good hearted or not - and that goes a long way! Get two people of any combination who are both high on the psychological health scale, and are both good hearted, then they are going to get along.
It is good to have other things in common tho, such as tastes, hobbies and interests, but people who differ with these will still get along, and well be able to appreciate eachother's differences and see how these differences can add to eachother's lives.
 

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Anything that will save me time when it comes to profiling peoples motives is worth my time especially in my intimate relationships. I will look into this.
 

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@MBTI Enthusiast so for example as a 9w8 I would chose someone who is within my positive triad and subtype? Is it like the other article where you match type alike on three letters too?
 

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MOTM Feb 2012
ISTJ 9w1
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Discussion Starter #37
@MBTI Enthusiast so for example as a 9w8 I would chose someone who is within my positive triad and subtype? Is it like the other article where you match type alike on three letters too?
Yeah. Male 9s are tough. The other article says they often marry Female 4s and Female 8s. I have the feeling that they may be in the "opposites attract" arena, where they end up together due to the differences that are attractive to one another. I think that Male 9s would find the relationship "easier" if they dated within their harmonic triad (2, 7, 9) or within their connecting lines (3, 6). I believe Male 9s end up with 4s or 8s often, but it may be a more challenging, although still very satisfying, relationship. Commonalities in MBTI is quite important for 9s as well, I believe, and matching subtypes is very important for most couples.
 

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@MBTI Enthusiast I've got the book. I ordered it a few weeks ago. It's really interesting. I've read enneagram 1, 2, 3, 8, 9 chapters. I relate to the enneagram 9 sexual subtype. The questionnaire isn't really good. You can't tell what enneagram you are. I think I'm a 9 from the quiz. The keys factors are compatible lovemap, mental health and subtype. Reading it made me think what my lovemap is. Normally you can have a functional or disfunctional lovemap. So a lovemap is based on your relationship with your opposite sex parent?
 

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MOTM Feb 2012
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@MBTI Enthusiast I've got the book. I ordered it a few weeks ago. It's really interesting. I've read enneagram 1, 2, 3, 8, 9 chapters. I relate to the enneagram 9 sexual subtype. The questionnaire isn't really good. You can't tell what enneagram you are. I think I'm a 9 from the quiz. The keys factors are compatible lovemap, mental health and subtype. Reading it made me think what my lovemap is. Normally you can have a functional or disfunctional lovemap. So a lovemap is based on your relationship with your opposite sex parent?
Oh, great! Yeah, it's fun to read through each chapter because it gives a very realistic description of each type and you can get a better "feel" for them, IMO. I haven't even looked at their quiz, TBH, but I'll check it out.

Love map seems to be based on a combination of things, conscious and subconscious, but yes, your relationship and/or traits that you appreciate in your opposite sex parent may be present in your love map.
 

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Oh, great! Yeah, it's fun to read through each chapter because it gives a very realistic description of each type and you can get a better "feel" for them, IMO. I haven't even looked at their quiz, TBH, but I'll check it out.

Love map seems to be based on a combination of things, conscious and subconscious, but yes, your relationship and/or traits that you appreciate in your opposite sex parent may be present in your love map.
Oh ok cool. They are some personality traits I like in my mum for example putting other peoples needs before others, caring, kind, friendly, likes to be tidy and organised.
 
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