[Guinevere]

Do any of you have this problem? When I have an argument with someone I don't really know or don't particularly like, I literally fall to pieces. I just had an argument with my ''brother'' where I was accused of being a freak for not participating in this Facebook narcassicm. He tried to throw me out of the bathroom because he wanted to use it and I flippantly told him to go and update his facebook status instead, because that's all he seems to do.

As I've mentioned in previous posts, I've had problems with agraphobia (which I've recovered from), but I'm still plagued my feelings of inadequacy and cripplingly low self esteem. Consequently, I don't have many frineds and hardly any ''virtual friends'' on facebook, the latter however is a concious decision. Facebok has turned into an ego - fest. There are few people in this counrty who have acheived that much to warrant the amount of self-publicity displayed on the plethora of egocentric statuses which pollute the site. Drifting off topic slightly, sorry. Anyway he commmented on my sporadic status and scoffed that the reason I haven't posted any pictures of myself is because I'm a ''scruffy ***t''. I tried to articuale my thoughts on facebook, saying that it was an outlet for people to project an idealized image of themselves and commented on his rather pretentious page.

Anyway, as I was trying to explain myself, I was shaking, hyperventilating and couldn't construct my sentences properly. Such displays of nerves provoked a scathing attack from my brother, who laughed at me and encouraged me to cry, and declared that if I died nobody would care. As I'm writing this, I'm still shaking and my heart is beating like crazy. I wish I could have kept a cooler head, because I know that I could have beaten him. I just turned to mush instead. Is it a confidence issue or is it something all infp's can relate to?:sad:

 

[GrimmTeather]

Sounds like you had a panic attack.

Only thing I can say is, think before arguing back.. it might not be worth the effort. Is there a point to the argument or are you just wanting to win?

 

[Guinevere]

Felt like one yes. It wasn't about winning. I felt I was being attacked. I thought ''what right have you to belittle me just because I don't reach you ideals?'' He is an extravert so we have completely different values. I couldn't stand the arrogance with which he announced his ''philosophy''. Like I am a nothing because I don't have many friends. I have my thoughts and dreams just like anybody else. I am not nothing.

 

[Hermes]

I no im not an INFP, but when i feel personally attacked i just ignore them to the best of my ability, or as GrimmTeather suggested i just carefully think about my own argument

 

[bluemaverick]

I used to have that all the time in my family. And they revel in me crying too, so ruthless that they would probably lick the tears off my face in glory of me breaking down in front of them.
Now if I decide to say something its because I know I'm right, I know the argument is just, or I know that I can get my point across. If it doesn't have at least one of those criteria, I don't even bother.
The good news is that I rarely have any arguments anymore since I started following that.

 

[BryterLayter]

yes, i cry, get hostile, can't form complete sentences, can't get my point across, i get embarrassed because i realize how i'm acting but i still can't stop, and then i leave without solving anything.
so um yes, i hate arguments.

 

[Angel1412kaitou]

*hugs*
I'm sorry about that situation. I have a cousin I used to banter with constantly, it was annoying.
I hope you can calm down and assess the situation a bit more objectively, because it's kind of obvious your brother isn't going to be as kind as to do that.
It's tough to learn, but it will help you out in the long run.
I don't like fb either, and I relate to a lot of what you wrote up there.

 

[Flora]

I completely understand how you feel. Sometimes, when I feel attacked, I also react very badly, feel tearful, blame myself, immensely hurt, and can't defend myself effectively. However, when I calm down, I can think of a million different things I could have said to stand up to the person or ways to deal with it in a more positive way, but always too late.

My advice is: remove yourself from the situation until you calm down and can think clearly. This is for 2 reasons, first because when we feel so vulnerable we can not function properly, we just have a massive meltdown. If you put some distance you will be able to think more clearly and not take what it's being said to you at face value for example, because it's not always the case. Secondly, you need to stop giving the other person the satisfaction of seeing they are having a massive effect on you and making them wonder how far can you go before you spontaneously combust. Sometimes people hurt you because "they can" . Dont let them.

hope you feel better now.

and for what its worth, facebook is stupid!. I have a brother who uses facebook as a way of showing off how fabulously social and wealthy they all are. He deletes me off his friends list because he finds I dont look glamorous enough nor do my friends and that reflects badly upon him. Do you really want to be part of that??? no!

 

[behoopd]

Every single argument I've been in that has been face-to-face, I've completely broken down in tears and can't get anything across, so I feel your pain I like everyone else's advice on how to deal with it, because I've never come up with any solutions for it, other than try not to get in an argument (which isn't always possible).

 

[Miss Scarlet]

I just had an argument with my ''brother'' where I was accused of being a freak for not participating in this Facebook narcassicm. He tried to throw me out of the bathroom because he wanted to use it and I flippantly told him to go and update his facebook status instead, because that's all he seems to do.

Good for you for sticking to your guns! But, facebook is not a reason (in my opinion) to fall apart. You strike me as someone who let's conflict kinda consume them. I know you are trying to stay away from being self centered but sometimes being self centered can help you avoid these feelings and feelings from eating them alive.

 

[timeless]

I've never really had this issue. Then again, a good portion of my profession is arguing, so I'm used to it.

 

[Away With Fairies]

I hate arguing in person, and though I have a Facebook account it really gets on my nerves when I see people using it for their own ego boost. When I see people post a picture of themselves surrounded by girls and holding a drink, or something to that effect, I want to vomit. I keep the account to stay in touch with friends that have moved away, and to post funny cat pics (yes, I'm one of those.) I don't know what this decade's equivalent is, but you might need to adopt the 'talk to the hand' stance...just let his words bounce off of you and don't try to win the argument. That's the sport of the conflict-lovers.

 

[entheos]

I don't look like I fall to pieces, not outwardly, but I get tremendous anxiety, stratospheric levels of it.

If someone screams at me, I shake uncontrollably (but I'm not sure that they notice? Probly not), like I'm in physical danger about to be murdered. Definitely hyperventilation happens (but they can't see it, only I know it's happening).
If the person screams for long enough, or the language is aggressive, be sure that I'll have a panic attack, crying involved.

When this happens at the work place (and happens all the time, cause people are miserable everywhere and are determined to spread misery) I'm accused of being cold, that I don't care about anything, cause I don't show any kind of emotion whatsoever. What they don't know is that I bottle up everything and then go home and cry for three hours. Yay me.