Have you ever had a change of heart and started seeing a friend in a new light? I used to only fall hard and fast for guys but now I am feeling a shift in how I view a long time co worker who had liked me for awhile, and it's confusing! I am not sure how I feel (a scary thing for Fi!) about the person and if it would be a good idea or not to express my interest in him and "go down that road." ! Does this kind of thing happen to you and have you gotten into relationships with people you just saw as friends initially?
Falling for someone you weren't attracted to right away
[ENFP]
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I did...I was 16 and he was 17. I was totally not into him beyond friendship at all for several mos...and we were together just about every single day, just hanging out. I knew the entire time that he was hoping for more than friendship, but I didn't like him like that and I made that known...he still wanted to hang out with me anyway.
Well, eventually I found myself liking him beyond friendship, but I fought it. I didn't want to like him in that way because I didn't see him as my "type" (and I don't mean MBTI)
Finally it dawned on me..."this guy is GOOD to you. He respects you, makes you laugh, enjoys being with you, has manners and integrity, and you love being with him...why not give him a chance?!". So I did...we are still together 14 years later
That's not to say its been perfect. We have most certainly had our ups and downs as we've transitioned from teens to adulthood, but so far, there hasn't been anything we couldn't work through.
Well, eventually I found myself liking him beyond friendship, but I fought it. I didn't want to like him in that way because I didn't see him as my "type" (and I don't mean MBTI)
Finally it dawned on me..."this guy is GOOD to you. He respects you, makes you laugh, enjoys being with you, has manners and integrity, and you love being with him...why not give him a chance?!". So I did...we are still together 14 years later That's not to say its been perfect. We have most certainly had our ups and downs as we've transitioned from teens to adulthood, but so far, there hasn't been anything we couldn't work through.
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Oh that always happens with me. The guy I'm currently going out with (I mean we're not official yet but... yeah we're pretty much dating) and I met 2 years ago in college and didn't see each other in person again until last weekend. At first (like when we were in college) we were just friendly, no attraction, purely platonic. But now, we're just always on the same wavelength. I guess attractions sort of happen. I think that's better for us anyway, ENFPs aren't the type to just look at someone and instantly fall in love with them. We're a deeper type, we need to get to know a person a lot longer than that.
With my ENFP I saw her as only a friend for two years. After that I felt a slight attraction but didn't think much of it. Then one day we had our first one on one conversation and all of a sudden our feelings changed for each other. It was magical.
I am never strongly attracted to anyone right away. It takes at least a few months. Usually years.
I am never strongly attracted to anyone right away. It takes at least a few months. Usually years.
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99% of men I don't find attractive at the beginning, I never find attractive. But a tiny minority of men I don't find appealing at the beginning, become deeply attractive to me once I get to know them.
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2 days ago i was hanging out with my best girlfriend for about a year and i just looked at her and realized hey, wait, she's awesome. do you like her? i think you do! not obsessed at all. i never think about the girls i like anymore. But i did realize she'd be an awesome girlfriend. It happens to everyone. Some people say the best relationships have friendship as a back bone. Goodluck!
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I could never casually date. It's too awkward. I need a level of friendship as a stepping stone for me to consider a relationship with someone.
High school/early college, my first relationships were with guy friends who I knew only a few months. That was when I fell hard and fast for guys, but those relationships didn't last longer than 8 months.
It wasn't until my current boyfriend that this scenario you're going through happened to me. I actually expressed my interest in him first and then he started to pursue. I always thought he was too nice to be in a relationship with and even rejected him a few times, but it really took me a year to realize how good he was to me. After that realization, I finally gave him the chance.
This is pretty much what I'm going through with my ESTJ. We're going through our transition from college into adulthood and it has its ups and downs. Knowing that you and your ENTJ have been together for so long gives me hope that we can keep our relationship going too. All the best to you, @Enfpleasantly.I did...I was 16 and he was 17. I was totally not into him beyond friendship at all for several mos...and we were together just about every single day, just hanging out. I knew the entire time that he was hoping for more than friendship, but I didn't like him like that and I made that known...he still wanted to hang out with me anyway.
Well, eventually I found myself liking him beyond friendship, but I fought it. I didn't want to like him in that way because I didn't see him as my "type" (and I don't mean MBTI)
That's not to say its been perfect. We have most certainly had our ups and downs as we've transitioned from teens to adulthood, but so far, there hasn't been anything we couldn't work through.
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I loved reading this & congrats with your relationship!
I always fall hard for the ones that I am not initially attracted to at first. For me it's about developing that deep connection through friendship to begin with, this process usually happens without either person knowing- it occurs naturally. Suddenly, one day, it's like BAM....smack in your face. You suddenly realise you've fallen head over heels in love with your best friend <3
My only two experiences of "changing my mind" about guys have ended up badly. Basically, they always liked me, and I spent enough time with them to persuade myself subliminally to try it. One was a complete train wreck after a few weeks. The other was a progressively emotionally abusive relationship.
I'm not sure about the attraction side of things, but I think as I spent more and more time with these two, I became chemically attracted to them, but there was always a little voice in my head that said "no". So my fault for ignoring that, I guess!
Also, I would advise against getting involved with co-workers - even if it does work out, it puts a lot of pressure on the relationship and management don't tend to like it - for obvious reasons (i.e. couples getting distracted at work, trusting each other over the company etc.).
Sorry for the gloomy answer...in essence, I would say just follow your intuition, and not necessarily the chemistry side of things, if that makes sense - they are not always telling you the same thing.
I think you are right about trusting your intuition! What you said makes a lot of sense re dating coworkers and also how easy it is for someone to weasel their way into being attractive to you over time! I ended up ignoring his couple of calls because I was busy and he sensed I wasn't feeling it. Looking back I think he was an enfp! We had so much in common that he annoyed me LOL. It's like looking at yourself and seeing your flaws amplified in a sense. He was also younger and had different values (didn't care about grades - not cool!).
At this point in life being with another enfp would be distracting. Felt such a spark with the infj because we had complementary strengths!
Thanks everyone who responded. I think I'll trust my gut instinct most of the time.
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who said i was gonna go for it haha? I have too few girls that i am very close with. I know many, but real real friends are few. I'm not scared to go for it, (trust me i'm not) but i'm just not sure if i really like her or i just think she is fucking awesome and someone i want in my life. Time shall tell lol.I loved reading this & congrats with your relationship!
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Oops, I misread! D: As for the not being sure part, that's interesting. But I feel like guys are more willing to wait things out than girls (usually), which can be a frustration for girls.
There's no rush, really. I hope the best for you with everything!1 - 20 of 25 Posts
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