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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Looking for some input on how other INFJ's communicate with family. I'm only just now getting into self-assessment and discovering how my personality is classified, so I'm curious about this.

Personally, I am horrible about keeping in touch with family. I sometimes go weeks without talking to my mother, and when my younger siblings call me, I often resort to very short sentences and end up with short calls. It's not because I don't care, I just don't really know how to talk to them. I don't want to come across as being a bad big brother. Any advice?

P.S. Just so it's clear, I don't have the short-answer, short-call problem with my mom or other adult members of my family, those are just the infrequency issues.
 

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Looking for some input on how other INFJ's communicate with family. I'm only just now getting into self-assessment and discovering how my personality is classified, so I'm curious about this.

Personally, I am horrible about keeping in touch with family. I sometimes go weeks without talking to my mother, and when my younger siblings call me, I often resort to very short sentences and end up with short calls. It's not because I don't care, I just don't really know how to talk to them. I don't want to come across as being a bad big brother. Any advice?

P.S. Just so it's clear, I don't have the short-answer, short-call problem with my mom or other adult members of my family, those are just the infrequency issues.
I am the same. What I do, is send them occasional emails asking how they're doing, and letting them know what I'm up to.
In this way, even if it's only a paragraph, they know I'm thinking of them, and that I "care".
I think it's unfair to expect others to just "understand", and INFJ 's often confuse alone time with withdrawal and either one can hurt or confuse
other personality types.
 

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Very inconsistent, realising from a younger age that most of my family members were happier only seeing each other 1-4 times a year (many I have not seen in a good 5-10 years or barely even at all in my life) at best with checking in on each other by phone more as they got older (I tend to think this is more to whinge and moan about their lives but each to their own)... I on the other hand hardly ever if contact blood relatives, yet talk to a close friend my Mothers age 1-2 times a week, since she feels more like family than those that actually are.
 

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I'm very close to both my parents so I keep in regular contact. Often through phone calls. If I don't contact them for a few days my mom may email or text me. They actually live less than 20 minutes away from me so I normally see them at least once a week.

I'm an only child so that may be why we are so tight knit? Plus my parents and I normally agree on everything. Politics, religion, social issues.... You name it, we always agree. Even if I went against them I know they would listen to my POV and still respect me. Though I will say that the three of us have no regular contact with any other family members.
 

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I seem to have a problem talking to my family about anything that REALLY matters.

My Dad is very caught up in the whole, "Make sure you come off correctly so that people will like you." Type of thing. (It was worse when I was younger.)

My Mom? I have a better relationship with her now than what I did when I was growing up, but she is still extremely hard on me, especially when it comes to getting things done. (How do I tell her that when she constantly berates me to get something done, and then she calls me umpteen times to see if I've gotten it done, that it makes me feel belittled and frustrated with her? I mean, I'm an adult, she doesn't need to micromanage things for me. I understand what needs to be done.) Then, if I don't get it done because of work or whatever (work is the biggest thing. I have a full time job for the first time in my life, so I can't just devote an entire day to getting stuff done like she would like me to.), I end up feeling like the biggest laziest, ungrateful b*tch in the world because I couldn't get one little thing done on time, when she's done so many things for me.

My brother...well, he's different. I think that he might be an INFJ as well...we gel on a lot of things, but our approaches to many different aspects of life are so different that we don't see eye to eye on a lot of things. We do respect each other, though, so there's that.

So...I suppose that answered the question?

I also have a hard time keeping in touch with my family, because sometimes I just need to decompress, and decompressing from THEM is also needed as well. There's just not a good way to tell someone that you just want to chill out without their company when they're family, it seems.
 

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I am not good at all with keeping in touch it is a real effort for me. Even yesterday my aunt called me to pass on a rebuke from my mother for not keeping in touch with her. I honestly believe i could go for a year or two without contacting anyone but i believe it works both ways i am only a call away too, i think sometimes they like to use it as an opportunity to get in a moan or critism at me though and the more i feel pressured the more i am reluctant to try, hate being under some kind of resentful obligation. I always get around to it but only when i am comfortable to do so.
 

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Hm.

In terms of my family? I don't have the best relationship with my family, and the mood at home can be unpredictable, so I only really get in touch on special days (birthdays, holidays) or when I'm in a place where I can handle it if the mood is bad when I call. If everyone at home is content when I call or visit, it's a wonderful time, but if it's not I have to be prepared to pull away again quickly so I don't get dragged into old, hurtful roles.

They don't keep in touch with me much either. I'm pretty different from them.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
I honestly believe i could go for a year or two without contacting anyone but i believe it works both ways i am only a call away too
This is exactly how I am. When I am curious, or want to catch up, I have no problem ringing them up and talking for an hour or two at a stretch, but otherwise, I figure that they will call me if anything important comes up, or if they want to check in on me.

My conflict, again, comes in at my brother. He is almost 15 now, and has been calling, texting, and Facebooking me A LOT more than he has in the past. I want to be there for him, but I never know what to say, or how to keep a conversation going.
 

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Thanks Worschach for this post, I always thought something was wrong with because there is not much communication between myself and my family.I only talk to them if there is an event or meeting to attend to, other than that we rarely talk. I think for me its because we are way too different, we don't agree on a lot if issues, so I end up having short calls and short answers with them, just to keep the peace.
 

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I'm pretty bad at communicating with my family and I feel bad about it sometimes.
I live with my mom, brother, and sister-in-law and they all talk to other family members more than I do. I'm just not sure what to say to most of my family. I feel we have little in common. Even small talk is hard when we have no shared interests in movies, music, hobbies, fashion, food, really anything.
It's partly my fault for not keeping in touch with my family, but I do feel excluded sometimes from get togethers. The rest of my household with make plans with my family and then invite me very last minute, usually when I am on my way to work or already have plans. It feels like my family and I are just on opposite pages sometimes.
I do care about them, but I feel awkward around most family. I feel a lot less conservative than them and more abstract in a way that makes communication difficult. The conversations at family events usually revolve around very concrete and sensory things like work, school, marriage, food, etc. And I feel as if I don't have much interest in discussing these things. It seems shallow and pointless to me sometimes.
 

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From personal experience and from professional work I would say communication depends on both sides, and while either side has an absolute veto, both sides have to mesh to communicate. And, like any other intrapersonal endeavor, there are no absolutes and few appliacable generalities.
 
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