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Discussion Starter #1
Hey! i am an ENFJ.. and I wanna know how to help my sister that is 19 with the mental disorder of we think bipolar.. but lately we aren't sure. But she's off her medication and is pregent.. and i hate seeing her angry and upset.. i try so hard to cheer her up, have patients with her,.. and be there for her. but what more can i do? Her boyfriend is 31 and isn't the best influence for her... at all :( He isn't understanding the fact she has bipolar or mental disorder and he keeps telling her she doesnt.. so she's highly confused.. and sense her mental illness make her respond less like a person without one.. she doesn't believe that we are trying to help her..?

Also.. my mom is a reck with this.. my parents just recently got in a divorce.. and she usually has my dad to back her up.. but he's not there anymore?? and she's realizing she's alone.. so now she's a just depressedish.. How can i help her without making her feel ick about herself. cause in the past i held her when she cried and she noticed that it wasn't right.. and now i dont want her to feel like a bad parent.. how do i approach this as a kid?

I just wanna help.

I don't like seeing my family hurting..

How can i help?
 

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Okay, I just want to lead off with that; whatever I say is totally subjective and is subject to being bad/un-helpful advice... mostly because this is a difficult issue that has so many angles not viewable from a forum thread. I am also likely not the best person to give advice on this, but I will try my best!

Issue #1
Sister:

When you say that, "lately we aren't sure." This suggests that perhaps the boyfriend could be right. I am somewhat hesitant to label people with mental disorders personally. While she could be bi-polar, she could also have a personality that mimics/shares traits with the illness. I am assuming she been professionally diagnosed because of the medication. If she really is bi-polar (like diagnosed by a specialist) and the boyfriend is trying to convince her that she isn't, I would confront the guy, for the sake of the health of your family. I wouldn't confront him alone though of course, safety reasons. Also, you mentioned that she is pregnant, I won't even begin to say I fully understand the emotions that occur during pregnancy. I think right now, I would focus on the joy of a new life being brought into the world. Too much stress can cause harm to an unborn baby, or so I have heard. As for the boyfriend not being the best influence, while I will assume that this is truth... it is ultimately her decision. There isn't much advice I can give you to remedy this situation, aside manipulative tactics.

Issue #2
Mom:

I too comforted my mother growing up, through devoices, deaths, and a whole bunch of other not so cool things... While sometimes she would acknowledge how she shouldn't burden me with such things, especially at a young age, I helped her out anyways. Yeah, she was an adult and I was a child... but we are both human. I loved my mom and seeing her in pain, when I was fully capable of helping... just didn't sit right with me. Also, time does heal. If she just recently got a divorce, the pain is fresh and no matter what you do, she will still feel hurt. I think just being the best daughter you can be (with in reason) will help her more than it may look. Remind her that she really isn't alone, and the rest of her family is there for her.

Sorry if none of that helped at all. I hope your situation improves! Just try to be you, and love your family. :proud:
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Ya, i guess is the only thing i can do is try to be understanding and supporting.. and wait it out.
 

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You can do little things to cheer your mom up. Give her a card telling her that she is a great mom, or make her a batch of her favorite cookies. It will make a big difference.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Oka! :) i could maybe make the cookies at my dads, sense mom is low on the cash hahah! but that's a good idea! :) :laughing:
 

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Just a thought...

Could your sister seeing a counselor or therapist work? I'm not sure what kind of financial issues may be involved in getting that set up, but it would be a suggestion from my view as this would let her get some of her issues out into the open and have someone to provide a bit of an objective take on her situation.

As I say, it is just a thought I'd toss out there. Some people may become very defensive about such a suggestion or being labelled but this is what it took from someone else for me to get into it and get somewhere, so I do believe it can help people.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Could your sister seeing a counselor or therapist work? I'm not sure what kind of financial issues may be involved in getting that set up, but it would be a suggestion from my view as this would let her get some of her issues out into the open and have someone to provide a bit of an objective take on her situation.

As I say, it is just a thought I'd toss out there. Some people may become very defensive about such a suggestion or being labelled but this is what it took from someone else for me to get into it and get somewhere, so I do believe it can help people.
that is a great thought.. but my mom can barely keep the house and food on the table.. we just got her insurance.. and she has seen a therapist and stuff before.. but now that she is out of treatment.. for awhile now, it's hard for her to warm up to people so she truly tells the truth and opens up kinda deal?
 

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Worth a shot...

that is a great thought.. but my mom can barely keep the house and food on the table.. we just got her insurance.. and she has seen a therapist and stuff before.. but now that she is out of treatment.. for awhile now, it's hard for her to warm up to people so she truly tells the truth and opens up kinda deal?
I can understand there are financial issues in trying to get there. In Canada there are a few different ways to get a therapist as there are employee assistance programs in some places and there are some free therapists through our health care system. I did go through a wait list once and they had a support group meeting every week for an hour that was really quite something else in a sense. I can relate on being hard to warm up to people and be open about problems. Hopefully things improve somehow.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
I know they will :) things dont stay sucky forever... :) just gotta stay positive.. last night she was just in the ER... and her ex boyfriend broke in the house... our neighbors caught him and stuff.. then my sister.. i guess is now trying to get rid of the baby on her own :( she wants too.. but ughh.. so.. i don't know what's going to happen.. i'm staying at my dads house all day tomorrow and stuff so i won't be home. :( but ya..

Just gotta stay upbeat and positive!!! :laughing:
 
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