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Discussion Starter #1
I get obsessed with people. I mean infatuated. I mean I fall "in love" (but not real love) with people all the damn time. This has been a habit of mine ever since I was a little kid. If I wasn't obsessing over someone, my life was aimless. This is all fine when you're single. You can date, you can flirt, you can spend time with the object of your affection and maybe even marry them eventually. But when you do get married, the habit you thought was gonna die didn't go away. You may think you are over your childish ways. You may think you will be happy the rest of your life with just one person, and believe me, you still love who you're with more than anyone, you just get these... infatuations. They hang out in your mind for a few months, maybe up to a year, then they fade and you're glad you never did anything about them. But then it's a new person, and it happens all over again. It's tiresome. You feel like a horrible person. You feel like you are hurting your spouse even when you aren't doing anything other than thinking of someone else. You would never cheat, never in a million years. You love your spouse, he's your best friend, you still have great sex. You just get these infatuations and you have to ride them out because you can't control them. Any of you married INFP's (or anyone really) have this problem, and what the hell do you do about it?

sincerely, a frustrated and moral person.
 

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I could have written your post, word for word. I thought I was an awful, terrible wife who had betrayed my husband (whom I adore). It finally clicked for me when I read Keirsey's description of the NF temperament:

  • Idealists are enthusiastic, they trust their intuition, yearn for romance, seek their true self, prize meaningful relationships, and dream of attaining wisdom.
I realized that the infatuations I've had were really just me living out a romantic story. Instead of living vicariously through a fictional person in a book, I become the character and I was writing the script. When the infatuation ends, I've noticed that I've built up the hero to be a completely flawless, perfect human being that no one could ever be. (I will say that my infatuations have been about people I could never come into contact with; one lives in China, the others I haven't heard from in almost a decade.)

Since understanding all of this, I've cut myself a little slack. I've analyzed the storylines and have found that they tend to mirror what I'm experiencing in my real life. I figure it's a way to process and express the emotions that I keep buried which in turn has helped me clarify what I want and need from my husband.

I don't know if any of that makes sense. Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. :happy:
 

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Discussion Starter #4
... are you watching my thoughts or something :dry:... because I swear this is me and my behavior exactly. To a tee.

Likewise faithfully married.

Likewise a romance imagineer.

It's just good to know that there are others out there. Maybe our whimsical imaginary loves are the reason we're able to stay so loyal.
ahh, a romance imagineer, I like that!

I'm not watching your thoughts, are you watching mine?? :)
 

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Discussion Starter #5
I could have written your post, word for word. I thought I was an awful, terrible wife who had betrayed my husband (whom I adore). It finally clicked for me when I read Keirsey's description of the NF temperament:

I realized that the infatuations I've had were really just me living out a romantic story. Instead of living vicariously through a fictional person in a book, I become the character and I was writing the script. When the infatuation ends, I've noticed that I've built up the hero to be a completely flawless, perfect human being that no one could ever be. (I will say that my infatuations have been about people I could never come into contact with; one lives in China, the others I haven't heard from in almost a decade.)

Since understanding all of this, I've cut myself a little slack. I've analyzed the storylines and have found that they tend to mirror what I'm experiencing in my real life. I figure it's a way to process and express the emotions that I keep buried which in turn has helped me clarify what I want and need from my husband.

I don't know if any of that makes sense. Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. :happy:
I'm so glad someone can relate to me. I feel awful, like I'm some corrupt evil person. I want so badly to be faithful in not only my body but also my mind. but quite simply, that is impossible. And you might be on to something about that wanting romances that reflect what is missing in your marriage. I hate to say that anything is "missing" in my marriage, but maybe there is some truth to that. I am just not sure. I really can't pinpoint anything. People aren't perfect, I know this. I'm not, my husband's not, and my infatuations aren't either. It's just so... fun. It makes me feel really alive when I get obsessed with someone. It's almost like an addiction. So... my question is - how do you deal with this, and is it always going to be a problem? It's been a problem my whole life, so my guess is it will always be there. I just don't know exactly what to do to ease my conscience. What you said does help, though, about the yearning for romance. That really hits the nail on the head for me. And not just a flighty romance, I am an intense person. I like an intense romance. But how far is too far? ....
 

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I'm not married, and I'm a guy, but I was just posting on the venting thread about how I've been infatuated with this girl for almost 5 years now. By no means a stalker or completely obsessed, but for a young man fixing to finish high school that seems like a long time. At least to me it does.
 

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i "fell" for a girl last sunday on our first date. I seriously can't get her out of my head...but i dont doubt it is infatuation, and im bracing myself for the possibility that this can fall to pieces..but at the same time, i really would like this to work.

edit: woops just read the title and wrote about myself...how self-absorbed of me..

I WAS JUST ABOUT TO MAKE A POST ABOUT THIS!

i like this girl i went out with quite a lot already, but even now i catch myself gazing at the attractive new coworker at work today. There's always that "what if" in our heads. I cant get rid of it either, and i have cheated in the past on my ex..

i wont blame this on my type because most infps are more loyal than this; its something i gotta work on..
 

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I could have written the original post myself! I love my BF dearly and we've been together for 4 years, but I've almost always got some stupid crush on another guy going on. I've never been physically unfaithful, but my mind has strayed many a time. I haven't really figured out what to do about it.

I'm kinda thinking that humans aren't quite meant for monongamy. I think it can be great, but it's entirely natural to seek the excitement, chase, and grand romance to be found with such infatuations. I also kind of feel that we're capable of being in love with more than one person at a time... but I'm not really sure how to handle that situation.
 

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I've definitely been there! I think that because we're so idealistic, sometimes what we have right in front of us isn't enough for us, even when it should be. It's something we really have to work on, and we really have to remember that people are never perfect, and truly appreciate what we have when we do have it... There have been a few times when I've let someone go because I thought something better came along, only to miss them terribly and wish I could go back and remake the decision.

I will say that when I do the appreciating thing instead of the idealizing and hopeless yearning thing, I am an amazing girlfriend with a ton of love to offer. I'm betting most INFPs are the same (only some of you would be amazing boyfriends instead of amazing girlfriends :p)
 

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Our thoughts make us human, but which ones we ACT on determine what makes us civilized. It sounds to me like you're all very civilized! :happy: Don't feel guilty though. Sometimes the happiness in something comes from simply wanting it, but not actually having it.
 

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I had a super intense infatuation with a girl when I was 18. Finally broke me out of my shell, to an extent, and I finally admitted that yes, I do like girls. Of course I couldn't act on my feelings and it was a total disaster. Destroyed both my religious faith and my self esteem.
 

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Anyone ever get friend crushes? Like see someone from a far who looks interesting or you just met and wonder what it'd be like being their friend?
Yes and yes. Though, it never really meant anything to me until recently when my thoughts have become more obsessive rather than curious.
 

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I've had this strong infatuation with this ENFJ for about about two years. Thing is, I haven't seen him for about two years and he's barely an acquaintance, for some reason he just seems perfect to me though I know he's not (we have some mutual friends).

No matter how silly it all is though, I can't stop and it also makes me feel stalkerish...:mellow:
 

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I thought that when I got married I'd never find anyone else interesting or attractive. Well, didn't happen. Sometimes someone catches my attention for awhile but it eventually goes away. I know not to act on it & I've decided that it's just a part of the human experience & I shouldn't feel guilty about it anymore.
 

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I've had this strong infatuation with this ENFJ for about about two years. Thing is, I haven't seen him for about two years and he's barely an acquaintance, for some reason he just seems perfect to me though I know he's not (we have some mutual friends).

No matter how silly it all is though, I can't stop and it also makes me feel stalkerish...:mellow:
I'm in this situation as well. ^^; Though, in my case, I see him every weekend, I just don't really talk to him.
 

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these are all reasons i sadly don't want to be with an infp. i realize how impulsive we are and i don't think i could handle it in someone else as well.
 

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these are all reasons i sadly don't want to be with an infp. i realize how impulsive we are and i don't think i could handle it in someone else as well.


I don't know. Impulsive only in the sense that we immediately respond to the thoughts with waves of powerful feeling but doesn't mean we always act on it.

I think the type lives in great amounts of self-denial when we know/foresee how our actions could wreak havoc on others and ourselves. Hence, also the paralysing indecision.

Uhh, but I'm pretty sure self-denial and indecision are responsible for the current mess i''m in too. so i'm screwed either way.

and since i wouldnt want to double -up that in my life, I gotta to agree with you - for infps, another infp is good as a friend but probably not as a mate.
 

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you can't help it
It's kinda a natural instinct for us INFPs :tongue:
 
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