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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Sooo Confused...

So there's this guy that I've known for a few months. I don't hate him. I don't even dislike him, but there are things about his personality that just bothers me.

He's intelligent, and always seems to have a handle on whatever situation he's met with. But at the same time he has a kind of bored, smugness about him, that makes others automatically feel inferior.

He has this dry sense of humor that borders on hurtful. He jokingly puts others down, and even though I can sense that he's only teasing, and is not really a cruel person, my protective nature causes me to bristle with wariness every time he opens his mouth.

He's a born leader, good at almost everything he does, but whenever I play on a team with him or work with him on a project, he dominates the situation, expecting perfection. and when I fall short, I feel as though my best just isn't good enough for him and that I'm letting my team down.


Normally It wouldn't matter that much to me. I'm not naive enough to think that I will get along swimmingly with everyone I meet. The problem is that even though his personality makes me uncomfortable, I find myself strangely attracted to him. It's not a major attraction mind you, but it's definitely there.

Why would I be attracted to someone I find distasteful?

He irks me, infuriates me, chills me to the bone, I can't stand almost everything about him. So why do I like him? It makes absolutely no sense.

I'm at a loss, I've tried typing him, hoping that it would shed some light on the situation, but for the life of me I can't seem to peg him, other that the fact that I know he's an E type. (can anybody help with that?)

Usually I can read people very well, but I'm at a complete loss with this guy.

Has anyone else ever been attracted to someone they don't like? why do you think it happens?
 

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I had one of those too (guy ended up being an ENTP). I think this happens because your conscience and subconscious are not the same thing. Your subconscious is pre-programmed to react to certain behavior, what it considered to be a winning male, and want to bond with him. He is displaying qualities of an alpha male and a jerk. This makes females react to him. It is kind of biological programming that evolved for millions of years. Why guys say that women like jerks is because it is true, but it is not a totally conscious process and it puzzles women as well. Throwing in some MBTI into it, it is well known that INFJs and ExTPs experience attraction, often mutual. But not all ExTPs are alike. I've met several in my life. With some I can definitely say if we would have ever gotten into a relationship, it would have been a love-hate drama filled one, the kind where people split and get together 7-8 times, while with others it would have worked out very nicely.
 

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People who exude a certain power/leadership are often like this to others quite apart from any physical attraction. I don't think it's just a female attraction to powerful jerks thing (although that does happen).

I don't know about this case but powerful people often represent certainty and direction which gives others relief from uncertainty. At the same time people can resent or not like that individual completely.

Chrisma and leadership is a facinating subject
 

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He's what you're not.

That's the key to the attraction.
 

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A guy who is not afraid to be himself, even if he is a total jerk, is mightily attractive to me because I would like to be like that but am afraid to be because I don't like upsetting people, I don't like conflict, I want people to like me, so I modify my behaviour to fit in with people's expectations. Being with a person like that is exhilirating but frustrating because it makes you see your own weaknesses.

I might hate him, but I'll likely fancy him. Can't begin to think about having a relationship with him, but it is sometimes good to make friends of these people as they will, between the periods of completely infuritating you and embarrassing you, help you to learn about yourself.

Your guy might be an ENTJ.
 

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Attraction Isn't A Choice.

You don't know that much of distateful guys, do you?

LOL
 

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that made me smile. another note, yes it has happen to me. I went towards my INTJ best-friend, it was like we were so the same but so completely different. It took years to figure out a little bit why. I'm attracted to people who need help. I get so looped into needy people it's ridiculous.
 

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Guys that are (overly) nice sometimes can end up hurting a gal more then someone who is themselves & completely up front: what you see is what you get... Some nice guys I've seen think they are nice and can at times be under delusions; for example like lying to 'protect' their loved one when in the end it hurts much more then if they were up front with the girl... I can't quite articulate it very well at this time of what I am trying to state... The guy sounds like he is an ENTP with his mannerisms (sounds just like my brother who is an ENTP). I am borderline on the T/F and I rub people wrong at times not meaning to.

One girl couldn't stand me because I drove her up the wall; I know I came off as rude, blunt and insincere in some matters and she would get so angry at me. Then I would catch her flirting with me later on and I was at a complete loss scratching my head... Think it happens with guys just as well too though; I've been attracted to gals I knew would be bad news completely. This bipolar ENTJ chick I worked with was a mess; she had issues growing up. My rational mind stated clearly she was not even worth pursuing but I still wanted to... I told her 'we wouldn't work out' and she said we would because I wouldn't be offended with her dominant personality; I told her you mean you could walk all over me and and I wouldn't bite back... I felt like she needed me too, but I knew it would be a one sided relationship.. I think it really is a subconscious thing we are dealing with here.
 

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Ghostwriter,

Wow this guy sounds like fun. Relaxed and capable of handling life's situations, intelligent, dry sense of humor bordering on hurtful, born leader.

I mean when around someone like this, because other people feel inferior that is their choice. And I see a slight bit of this feeling in you also. You said you feel your best isn't good enough for him? You are you, and fine just the way you are. He must have quite an energy (presence) to be ruffling your feathers as he does.

Love / Hate is so exciting. Ok you didn't say 'hate' but he 'irritates' you. Why not be attracted to someone you find distasteful? I think you have listed some great qualities about him, that warrant some respect and admiration. And yes, I'm sure there are many things you dislike about him too. Maybe he finds your quieter style distasteful.

I think there could be some truth to what Entrepreneur says, you see some qualities that you may not posess in him. He could be a T or an ST type. My sister is always full of comments about other people; and is quite harsh. But quite attractive in her commanding presence to others.

I may have to do more thinking to explain why one likes someone they dislike...but why over analyze? Why not enjoy it...He may be feeling the same way about you. Spend some time with him. Perhaps he is being impressive around you to impress you, you never know...Guys always have something going on, around girls they like.

Maybe he is being a tad arrogant, and showing off in front of you. Well sounds exciting. Tell us what happens please!
 

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Sounds like hes an ENTJ, ENTP, ESTP, or ESTJ... I would guess an NT type if you sort of understand where he's coming from and his logic, but actively get annoyed by the arguing and the arrogance.

Frankly, I love NTs... just for the reasons I described. Plus, I've had several that are really, truly, fascinated by the fact that I like people and want to help them. Like that thought doesn't ever occur to them, so they find it adorable.

Regardless of his type though, attraction is kind of fun isn't it? It is so incredibly interesting that we can be annoyed by people and like them at the same time.
 

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I had this once with a guy in one of my classes.

He was sort of a smug smart ass, an answer for everything, very confident but usually in an arrogant way.

I liked him because he was intelligent and funny. He used to say things that I thought, but that I'd never say. I couldn't help but laugh every time he made a joke, even if it was inappropriate or people looked at me oddly.

He had his own radio show and did stand up, which I thought was pretty cool, too.

On reflection, he was probably an ExTP. My ex is an ESTP, he is a little bit smug, confident, can talk to anyone. He also makes pretty inappropriate jokes I can't help but laugh at. He tends to know his audience though, and he isn't arrogant. The guy from class said things sometimes just to ruffle feathers. It was that and the arrogance I didn't like about him. A little bit of arrogance is ok, I quite like it, but he had a bit too much. With my ex he was too negative, and he had seriouse organisation and motivational issue. He only saw problems, where as I saw anwsers. I ended up fixing lots of things for him, and he didn't recipricate when I needed his help.

I tend to like guys who come across as smug jerks, but who are actually nice enough people. I even like them on TV shows, but they have to be smart and witty. My INFJ friend is the same, though she keeps saying she wouldn’t date someone like that, she’d go for a steriotypical “nice guy”. I can’t see that happening myself.

Brilliant, yet conceated, is FAR more fun...nice guys would get boring, and I can barely stand my own fluffy huggy side, I don't think I could cope with more of that.

I'm sure being oposites must factor in. I find people view people who have skills or traits they lack with either a touch of wonder or contempt.
 

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I was thinking ENTX. He sounds like one of my dearest friends from High School, who is an ENTP. I actually dated him for awhile, but though I love his personality there just wasn't any spark for me - I prefer NF's for that. He and I hit it off from the first meeting and have been friends now for many years. He is bright and arrogant, and my (ENTP himself!) brother and others can't stand him, but that never bothered me. I find ENTP delightful.
 
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