Okay, but how does it work? How is it possible to understand the other person's feelings except in relation to how you would feel in the same context? You can listen to them talk, but the only way to get close to the motives causing them to say whatever they are saying would be to imagine what it would be like to be them, and to understand what would make you say the same things if you were that person. It doesn't make any sense to me at all how it could happen any other way. I'm desperately confused right now trying to figure this out.
That's a very good question Snail at it really made me think.
Just as I can look back and reflect on how I felt in a situation and feel it right now if I choose to, I can be available to feel what another person is feeling when they are feeling it. But when I am doing that with others, I suspend what I am feeling, disconnect from personal value and try to remain as open as I possibly can. I want to experience their feelings so I can guide them to empower themselves.
Last night, when I was running I realized that I was in a lot of emotional pain. I don't like to "go" there. I would rather feel and experience feelings through others or on the safety of the stage. As an actor, I am paid to express the honest emotions of a another person. It's something I can naturally do. But perhaps that is because I experience feelings of my own so deeply, I don't need to sit in them that long in order to understand them.
As an actor, I have to have a palate of emotions readily available on cue. I can experience pain, sorry, joy, lust, greed, envy hatred, etc within any context of a character. All history and context is involved. I believe this is related very much to my Fi. A famous acting 101 question to get people into their character is to ask yourself "What if I were in that situation" and to commit to it and believe all that about you is real. You
are your character. You are not "playing" a character. It's immediate and it's honest in feelings as nothing separates you from your character. You are one.
As a side note- I have a harder time coaching acting to ENFJs. They tend to want to "perform" like they were that character instead of really believing they
are that character. It has been very difficult to get them to answer my questions like "How would you feel if you were in that situation?" And they tend to respond too objectively. Too much with "head knowledge" of how a person would behave in that situation. They are seeing their character as a 3rd person instead of seeing it as themselves. But that is not their job. As an actor their body needs to be an open vessel for their character's emotions. When I hit walls with ENFJs in this sense, I have chalked it up to them not knowing their own emotions that well. Like THEY don't understand how THEY would be in that situation so it's harder for them to play a person who is in that situation.
It's really not hard for me to empathize with another person if they come to me. I open myself up to experiencing what they are telling me within the context. I am there with them emotionally and physically. I like to hear every detail so it can help me do this. Ne helps me so much with understanding the right context and "going there" immediately too.
As a child I wasn't as guarded with outright expression of my feelings as most of us aren't. It was more acceptable to wear our feelings on our sleeves. It was even more acceptable to throw tantrums and not look at the reality of why a parent had a certain rule or why some child would call you a name. I could bust out crying, or hit my brother. etc. And thank goodness that somewhere along the way I was socialized.
As and adult I've had to process my own feelings. I don't like it. But I've had to process A LOT of feelings. I'm a little more guarded of them as an adult. But in a lot of ways it is more appropriate. The key is to not ignore one's feelings all together. As you know, people can go extreme in that route. And before they know, they have lost all connection with themselves and understanding why they do the things they do. They have also disconnected from others. Not understanding yourself is not understand others.
But I know my feelings. I am a feeling person. But I do put my personal current emotions aside so I can experience other's emotions.
I know actors who've had a parent die and received the news right before they had to go out on stage. They gave a brilliant performance that night, too. They were able to temporarily put their current feelings on hold in order to experience the emotions of their character. I see myself doing this type of thing both on and off stage.