I know I'm not familiar to the ENFJ threads, I will introduce myself, I'm Fizz and I mean no harm.
OK, now to my question. How do you use your dominant Fe? Such as social situations, familial/friend situations, everyday day life, etc. I would like to understand what it is like to be using it over all the other functions. Anything you have to add about it would be much appreciated.
Hey
@Fizz ... nice of you to drop by. In fact, I was contemplating whether to start a thread about explaining Fe-dom in my terms or not - and here I see an opportunity on a silver platter
Fe seeks social connections and creates harmonious interactions through polite, considerate, and appropriate behavior.
Therefore, going by this definition itself rules out the possibility of a healthy Fe user being dominating / manipulative / controlling. Our preference is to ensure that the person we're talking to is comfortable, appreciated and getting full opportunity to actualize themselves. We are service oriented people -- and 9 times out of 10, we're easily able to adapt to whatever personality we're talking to / befriending. Also, you have to look at how well-developed the other functions are. An ENFJ with a balanced Fe-Ni actually becomes very different from a person with dominant Fe-Ni ... This is what I find for actualized ENFJ's and it seems to resonate with me deeply:
Nearly all ENFJs will recognize the following characteristics in themselves. They should embrace and nourish these strengths:
· Making others feel valued and important
· Quickly seeing the positive and negative aspects of a human situation
· Expressing their feelings clearly
· Offering loyalty and commitment to partners, family and work mates
· Trying to always find the solution which works for everyone
· Encouraging humour and self expression in others
· Finding ways to help others fulfil their needs
· Affirming positive community values
· Naturally falling into leadership roles in their community
ENFJs who have developed their Introverted Intuition to the extent that they can see the possibilities within their perceptions will enjoy these very special gifts:
· Understanding and empathising with the feelings of others; realising “where they are coming from”.
· A talent for creative expression which can turn ordinary things and situations into something magical.
· An enhanced feeling of connection with and sensitivity to the world around them.
· The ability to see many facets of a problem and the many ways it might be resolved for the best.
· The ability to make creative and valuable use of time spent alone.
· Openness to the spiritual connections between all things
· They become increasingly creative, visionary and empathetic, and are therefore effective and kind managers of businesses, people, and various situations that life presents.
ENFP Personal Growth
That said ...
For me, Fe-dom is basically ensuring that an understanding of humanity at all levels exists in our own mind before we choose to interact with people. It's a
preference for doing good deeds and becoming service oriented individuals. We become happy when others are happy. We take energy from positive interaction and lose energy in negative situations - It's not simply attention-seeking behaviour - or having scores of acquaintances and no close bonds.
Yes, I do have 1000's of people in my phone book ... but at a time I'm inclined to bond with 1 or 2 people and then ensure that that bond is mutual and understanding. Throughout my life, at most I've 2 best friends at a time ... maximum 3 ... the rest are acquaintances that I can call on from time to time just to check up on how they're doing.
An ENFJ's greatest weakness is not their selfish behaviour --- but the fact that when we feel incapable of NOT helping someone else, it creates a conflict in our minds as to how to help. But again, we're not irrational and we're able to see who needs help and who doesn't. Don't think of ENFJ's are knights in shining armour running blindly into the heat of battle looking to save fair maidens. ENFJ's are human tacticians, constantly thinking and understanding human behaviour.
Our sensory input is expressions, eye movements, hand gestures, sitting postures - and any sign of trouble can be gauged simply by looking at people. Then it's a simple matter of discovering what the issue is - and allowing the other person to themselves verbalize their own conflict - rather than shoving our opinions / judgments down their throats.
Armed with all this information about people lets us know exactly what to do, or say, or when to say and when to act. I'm sorry if I'm not really expressing myself clearly. What I'm try to say is that we just *know* when another person is not feeling good. But at the same time we also *know* when it would be appropriate to interfere or not. We usually look for cues that the person really requires help or not. We don't push it down their throats.
For me, I just simply stand around looking for people who would be interested in me. I rarely storm into a social situation all sparkly and full of energy. I draw energy from close, intimate interaction. It's just that when I get going, I get extremely excited extremely easily, and my tone of voice combined with knowledge is such that the entire feels compelled to listen. I also get a little shy when I realize that I'm getting *too* much attention. I blush when someone pays me a compliment. And I falter over my own words every now and then.
I'm at my best when I'm helping someone. It could be something as simple as moving - to something as complex as coaxing a cross dressing friend to finally don her skirt and step out in public and just be herself. Our giving comes with self-sacrifice [which is not always a good thing]. Once I was ill in bed with a high fever, but I got a call from a female acquaintance who had run out of fuel in her car [typical damsel in distress behaviour] ... but I could not help myself. I got up, changed, got in my car and helped her get gas so that she could be on her way. That's just one example of how Fe dom behaviour manifests itself.
I have 100's of examples of similar actions I've taken all my life .. not saying that I'm a freaking saint ... it's just that this is how I'm wired and I can't help it. That's what it really means to be Fe-dom ... give and finding happiness in just giving - without expecting anything in return.
People who seem manipulative, controlling, argumentative etc are basically unhealthy versions of Fe users -