[Tad Cooper]

Hi all.
I was wondering if you have underdeveloped/'unhealthy' Fe issues and how to overcome them?

Basically, bad Fe is being very other serving (over your own needs etc), being very focused on what others think, not wanting to make your own decisions/opinions etc etc.

I think I do suffer from this a bit and was wondering if anyone could relate and, if so, if they had any advice for me or anyone else struggling?

Thanks

 

[owlet]

I think it's also from low self-esteem/confidence that behaviour like serving others can arise. Fe usually looks at what would be best for the group, but can change to anything from being disillusioned and therefore feeling you have to do all the work yourself, to even using Fe as a weapon and attacking people at their most obviously emotionally vulnerable points. I used to do stuff for others a lot too when I was younger and had much lower self-esteem, but as my self-confidence/esteem improved, I realised serving others was absolutely pointless as they needed to grow by themselves and in order to grow they had to be able to look after themselves.

I guess improving it would be looking at who needs help the most, and if they really, genuinely require it, or it'd just be the easy way out for them.

 

[renna]

This is a common problem for an ISFJ because your auxiliary (Fe) is practiced by deep reserve. You express your Fe by loyalty to duties and conscientious/trustworthy concern for the interests of the ISFJs loved ones, friends or even workmates, which arouses affection in loyalty in return to the ISFJ. Because of how Fe works for the ISFJ, they believe the more loyalty, love and hard work they give, the exact feelings will be reciprocated back to the ISFJ. This can become a pitfall to the ISFJ because not everyone shares the same belief system. In mid-life, it is known for the ISFJ to start 'rebelling' against the Fe and for once, the ISFJ will put their 'overused' foot down and start saying no to the people who do not appreciated the ISFJ's efforts. Codependency is very high for an overdeveloped Fe user.

Another pitfall for an overused Fe is the danger to have the tendency to to suppress the personal standards/standpoints entirely - the Fe user turns into a feeling process rather than a feeling personality, giving the effect of insincerity and falseness.

Remember to develop your opposite functions as you do have access to all.

Also, I highly suggest the book "Honor Yourself - The inner art of giving and receiving"

 

[Hollow Man]

Try to use your Si to make decisions or even Ti more importantly(because it is a judgement function). Make decisions on your own based on your own analysis and defining of situations (kind of Ti in a simple way). This is hard for me because Ti takes a lot of work for me still, and often it's simply easier to go with what you feel people around you want to do. However, in the end it causes resentment sometimes. And simply seeking harmony or group approval doesn't always solve problems. Thinking kind of does that by design.

Any other advice would be appreciated too, and thanks for the above posts. I agree!

Also, developing boundaries and at least stating how you want things done in a group situation at least helps even if you don't get your way. It hurts the most when you don't say anything at all in the end. :/

 

[teddy564339]

I once brought up this very same issue in this thread:


http://personalitycafe.com/isfj-forum-nurturers/57922-helpful-link-isfjs-least-i-think-so.html



There was actually a lot of disagreement between me and other ISFJs about the topic, which is quite rare, actually. I think it may be because we had different situations in our lives.


But it mainly centered about this link:

ISFJ Personal Growth


And it kind of echos what the INFJs in this thread have said.

 

[Tad Cooper]

Thanks, those're great! I'm also wondering about Te/Fe differences etc

 

[Lightlilly]

I have the same problem...
sometimes...
it depends who I am with,
I'm this way towards my husband a lot, but not all the time XP I speak up and make my own decisions/state my opinions when it's important to me...... which is weird since he's the ISFJ -_- lol
When working with someone new, I tend to have that same problem as well

some people have said it's due to insecurities, I think that may be true
however
for me - it's due to being a type 9

I'm just so chill about most things, that a lot of stuff don't really matter to me....

a simple example here:
lets say my husband wants to eat chicken really bad (lol)
but instead of telling me he wants some chicken, he'll ask me what I want to eat...
I will not even think about what I want to eat for one min, because really I don't care to a point O_O I prefer other people to choose, especially if they really want a particular thing.....because if I had to choose lol I'd just pick something totally random XD and then they wouldn't get to eat the thing they really wanted/craved.
which sucks because I would have been happy eating chicken lol

So I almost never pick, except on the special occasion that I may actually crave something in particular....

So...it may be due to the fact that you are a type 9? ^_^
Why should you make decisions that affect other people when you'd be totally cool with whatever

This does not apply if it is something important to you, if it's important I hope you would speak your mind

 

[George Glass]

lol, no I've always had a very strong Fe, my biggest problem was developing Ti, to balance my Fe

 

[Jungian]

With Fe I find it hard to even be aware of how I truly feel, nevermind express it. I spend my time thinking about how others might feel. I find this difficult in relationships. Looking back at relationships I feel like it was the boyfriend's feelings 'in control' of the relationship or more apparent, and it's never been me finishing the relationship, or even actively starting it. I think I'm getting better at this though. It's not to say I was passive, but perhaps never the person to express something out loud unwarranted. Whenever I do say how I feel in a relationship, most often it sounds cliched to me and it's never what I really meant in my head.
I think for me, I need to find a reliable and consistent way of listening to how I feel, as often I'll repress things that I should think about, or bottle them up until they come out in a cliched outburst of love, or sadness. How could I do this?