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Fear and anxiety of keeping eye-contact

3K views 24 replies 23 participants last post by  SouDesuNyan 
#1 ·
Hello fellow INTP's.

I have recently become more self-conscious of my Ti-function and failed to retype myself as an ENTP. Although, I have for long tried to come up with, and find, a good reason to still consider myself an ENTP instead of an INTP, only this one trait has divided me the most. Apparently, INTP's lack confidence. Is this true? Especially in social situations, the lack of confidence should be very noticeable.

I am trying to exceedingly deflate my ego by saying that my childhood required of me a lot of learning to realise confidence in different areas, especially those of social. Heck, I even used to be bullied a lot. Today, though, I find myself confident in social situations. I have yet to find anyone, whose eye-contact I would avoid. I study in a university with big intellectuals and leaders of the academic world of philosophy, and I can confidently have a conversation with these people without some irrational fear of eye-contact. Some people even tell me that my stare startles them, and I can definitely recognise that in them.

Now, I ask you, does this divide me from being an INTP? Most other stereotypical traits there are of XNTP seem exactly the same to me, not kidding.
 
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#7 · (Edited)
This is essentially it. My eyes also tend to wander as I think, so if I want to keep eye contact I have to focus on doing so. I also feel like I am being creepy if I stare too hard at people.

An example of a type that generally is great at keeping eye contact is ENTJ. I refer to my ENTJ friend's gaze as "sniper vision" because he blocks out anything in his peripheral vision while he's focusing on something. Even though he's easy to blindside because of it, people who are not used to speaking with him may feel nervous because of his intense eye contact.

He essentially looks like this when talking to you:

 
#6 · (Edited)
Its the Id and the enneagram 7-8 integration, correlating with sx/so/sp types.
I bet there is a specific variety of different aspects of depth in individual perception, the question is who is in the lead, If strong tendency towards the concrete interaction (Ne-Se) or keeping one self at abstract conception (Si-Ni) and introspecting deeper as (Fi-Ti) allow.

If you could measure and calculate your functions process power of what function takes more energy, you would see where you spent most energy at, Ne or Ti. Philosophy of ideas vs the philosophy of analyzing in introspection.
If you can do both without anxiety and with confidence, good, now you have integrated into a healthy E8 and started using Te, while at the same time bee seen in others as a healthy E3. Naranjo compared the unhealthy E8 to the antisocial/dissociated, psychopaths have a higher dopamine rate. Keep your dope lvls high and your good with integration to E8. Read about Naranjos E7 description, if interested for more.

I hope I was clear... xD Stoned and high anxiety atm. This is exhausting but seems to take care of the heart-beat somehow...
Sometimes N is soooo fast I cant even catch my thoughts, while Si sucks getting into conscious, but hey, at least I have superego problems, ohh wait, that sucks too. Thank god for my Sx type.

Conclusion, this is why I believe I am not INTP. But may resemble INTP more than I resemble the "average" ENTP to the outside observer; that can see me as very emotionally un-adaptive, unless, I want to make an impression, then I let my Te or Fe out, depends on how I see it fit. I also feel icky using Fe.


Almost forgot to answer the question: No bad eye contact, unless, I feel subordinate, or I am asked an interesting question then I try to best fit perceptions into words, my eyes start flying around but in the lower area of the feet. Both happen rarely. When in a position of expectation I seem to display fear to the outside and cant look anyone in the eyes for long.
 
#8 ·
Eye contact is important in social situations. It is part of my way of imparting authenticity and also detecting incoming B.S.

The only difficulties I've had with eye contact was when I was young and attempting to flirt or someone flirting with me. I could sometime feel overwhelmed by emotions from some women and might have to look away to keep my composure. But I could maintain eye contact to show my serenity.
 
#12 ·
Eye contact makes me feel uneasy most of the time. It's too intense, it makes me feel like I see more than I should. I have found that it's a good way to intimidate people who don't know me, although I still don't like it.
 
#13 ·
I have trouble with eye-contact. I only do it for a little while and then look away again. Most of the time I look somewhere else that towards the person. Hopefully I don't look too much like I'm not listening at all. I might come of as awkward because of it, who knows.
 
#14 ·
It's too much information. Both in the hackneyed 'TMI' sense, and in that I cannot process what is going on with someone's eyes/face/body language as fast as I can hear their words and intonation, so it's like watching a film with the visuals slowed down.

I have to consciously process and be aware/analytical of what's going on in someone's face, and that's where it can feel 'TMI'.

Because of that, I find it incredibly intimate. If I make eye contact with someone, not much is being said verbally/vocally.
 
#16 ·
Eye contact is a strange beast for me. It's very person dependent for some reason, I've been trying to figure out this mystery in the past... It' probably got something to do with confidence in some expanded sense.

I don't have much trouble (probably a bit more than average) with people I barely/don't know. I'm not shy by any means, so I'm usually confident enough to maintain a regular amount of eye contact, because the person doesn't know anything about me.

My parents however, both of them, I simply can't look them in the eye. For 1 second maybe. Is it because they perceive me in a certain way that makes me inconfident?

My friends and other family members are a mixed bag really. I'm still trying to figure out really (friend X no problem, friend Y ugh pretty tough). I'd say dominant or (supposedly) superior people I have trouble with - but then again no because teachers or bosses no problem. The more embarrassing information the person knows about me maybe?

The more I think about it the more it confuses me. Seems like there are so many variables into play.
 
#19 ·
I can relate. With some people I can maintain inappropriate periods of eye contact and it can make them uncomfortable.
With people that I perceive as authority or people that I believe are interested in me sexually/romantically I find it hard to maintain eye contact.
With some people I feel some intimate connection with I feel self conscious and can't maintain eye contact and neither can they, both of us feel uncomfortable.
Some people I feel my eyes lock onto theirs and I can't look away and I get sucked into some weird vortex where time stops and all peripheral stimulus disappears.
I can't maintain eye contact with my family it feels uncomfortable. I know they're bullshitting me and they know that I think that and it's just all too ick.
 
#20 ·
I have a problem with too much eye contact. It's really starting to be detrimental to my business.

Apparently people don't want you to stare them in the eye as they eat their lunch. Who knew?
 
#21 ·
For most of the time, I try avoiding people's eyes unless I really am comfortable looking at them such as my best friends. Anyone below that level I have a difficult time trying to look at them.

For two reasons:
I'm not that confident with my appearance (although the amount of girls liking me on Tinder proves otherwise...)
I'm always thinking of something else while they're spewing their BS.

It's paradoxical. I am confident but mostly not confident. I have done things where I look like the most confident person in the room, but it's often because that I seek approval from those surrounding me.

I want to fix this problem though. I have been forcing myself to look at others, but I can't because I feel that I'm not that good looking and people are going to wonder why I'm ugly.
 
#22 · (Edited)
Hoo boy, eye contact...
It is something I only do consciously. IE I have to will myself to do it.
Is it due to fear or shyness? No. To me it is intimate. You know how South Americans do this cheek bump kissy sound greeting and other cultures are all squicked by it? Kind of like that.

In my case eye contact can be equated to sitting on the other person's lap. Again it's not fear, but it's not something I'd do with just about anyone. If it is someone I'm interested in? Sure. Someone that says something I agree with or that is imparting knowledge I am interested in? Sure. Because I know they won't see it as lap sitting, I want to show I appreciate their words (IE You are my inspiration, senpai!) and don't want to interrupt them. And even when I do make eye contact in these cases, it isn't prolonged "laser focus" style. I think it gets aggressive/rude at that point.

This is what I look like when I force eye contact in any other case, IE Job Interviews:
 
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