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ANOTHER LATE NIGHT (or early morning...) POST:crazy:

It is at times like these two things happen:

1) I feel most at peace because I can be alone and either play games or just do things I like on the computer (computer hardware configurations, youtube videos, etc.)

2) Fear, pessimism, and loneliness begin to settle in

During these hours, as normal, people just don't talk to me. Why? Because very few people are up at 4 in the morning. However, this is precisely the problem that lies in my head.

Forgive me if I seem like I am being shallow or that I don't value the perks of being an INFP as I REALLY do, but the part of my mind that speaks with eastern philosophy tells me that everything is a double-edged sword in some way.

A lot of INFPs has very vivid imaginations. I think it's fairly safe to say that. There are other personalities that may dream just as much, if not more, and there is a lot of variation between people within the same personality type, but we INFPs have a tendency to be imaginative and even live in our own little worlds within our minds. However, this is the double-edged sword I was talking about. This, combined with my intuition, screams at me in times like these that I'm all alone and that nobody ever responds to my messages or posts, that none of my friends truly care about me. These perceptions are just like seeing a ghost: they may not be real to others, but to the person who perceives them, they are nearly-undeniable truths.

I sometimes try to distance myself a little bit emotionally towards others because I know that if things go wrong, my emotions can get really hurt. Yet, it never works as I'm just too intrigued by others and devoted to helping those around me.

I feel like I can't trust anybody anymore, even the girl I like whom I trust... a lot... with my full identity... )I guess that's a little tmi for others, but I feel shamelessness in this sense can be a strength). I imagine scenarios in which I'm left alone and forsaken by those I care about and love the most and I just... collapse (emotionally). These "episodes" don't usually lost very long as I usually can distract myself and just talking with my friends again makes everything infinitely better.

Throughout my life, I have loved the dark side of things. This is why I always hold that we are our own worst enemies. The realms of the mind and imagination are brilliant, fantastic even, yet tragic and terrifying (to us at least...).

I just wanted to share my thoughts on this issue. This is probably very elementary stuff for most people who are introspective. These themes have been blasted at us everywhere from education to our video games, but I just love expressing my thoughts ^^

And to those who may feel unloved and lonely, always remember that no matter who you are, there is someone in your life who loves and cares about you in some way. The important things are never far off, they're all around us.

 

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Hahahas yep we definitely are our own worst enemies xD
I think wayyyyyyyyyyyy too much when I have time to. I just over think everything and suddenly I'm useless, hopeless and worthless. Then I get out of the house, do something productive enough, and finally realize I CAN do stuff, and that people DO care. That's why I actually like being outside around people. Then I get caught up in people watching and forget about myself xD
But yeah, that's what makes us, us! :kitteh: If we weren't this way we'd probably be unstoppable, but ah, nobody should be unstoppable xD
I'm going delusional from lack of sleep. *Slides into shadows not-so-gracefully*
 

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I'm also one who goes into isolation in order to keep myself "safe from the mean people of the world". After a few months of not speaking with anybody, I start feeling sooooo disconnected from the world that I start having these horrible thoughts "Nobody likes me, and nobody will ever like me, I'm doomed to be alone forever" and I just dig myself a hole.
But the thing is that my personal experiences when it comes to people have been terrible. I wish I could have a point of reference from a situation where I was feeling miserable by myself, then socialized and felt better. It's never happened. So my past personal experiences only fuel the story of "I love to be isolated so much".

The truth is I yearn to feel good when I socialize, but at the same time I have soooo many rules when it comes to it (like I need to be in a specific mood, otherwise I ruin the day for those around me). I also know that in order to finally meet people whose company I enjoy, I need to socialize x10, the more people I know the more likely I am to meet those I like and who like me, right? Well, that's too high a price to pay. I only enjoy socializing once every 2 weeks, more than that and I feel dead. So it's an eternal struggle. Wanting friends and hating friends.
 
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