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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Do any of you guys feel like being a type seven makes it a lot harder to fully commit?
I've committed to school and my hobbies for many years, and I'm pretty good at them, but I feel like I'm never going to have that one big thing that I'm excellent at. I fear that because I don't have that one thing I'll never be significant and "change" this world. I feel like I'm always going to be just okay in many things and it honestly makes me feel really sad. I would like to matter and help. To my understanding this should be a type seven thing but I'm not completely sure. Do you feel like this?
 

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Absolutely. I think with school and getting my degree, it wasn't so hard, because I saw it as fun and I enjoyed learning and had a blast! But even in school I wasn't satisfied with my first choice and knew it was better to look elsewhere. I only did one transfer though.

I feel like more than ever though, becoming a full-blown adult, I can't commit to anything. I'm "dating" a guy who I have told several times I'm not ready to be official in any regard, and I can't find a job that requires any sort of contract, or any contract of anything in general. I'm about to quit my gym membership tomorrow because I think a year of that much commitment is ridiculous. I know where you're coming from, and it's hard to get out of that mental cycle.

There is nothing people have that is that "one big thing" and are just great and famous and awesome the next morning. Life doesn't work like that for anybody, except maybe a very select few. The smallest change can lead to the biggest influence. It's okay to be a jack of all trades, it's all about in how you use that for yourself and to eventually help others.

I think you should go out and volunteer or do something that helps people out. Maybe in the process you'll see the gratification they have in you just being there, making a difference for them.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Absolutely. I think with school and getting my degree, it wasn't so hard, because I saw it as fun and I enjoyed learning and had a blast! But even in school I wasn't satisfied with my first choice and knew it was better to look elsewhere. I only did one transfer though.

I feel like more than ever though, becoming a full-blown adult, I can't commit to anything. I'm "dating" a guy who I have told several times I'm not ready to be official in any regard, and I can't find a job that requires any sort of contract, or any contract of anything in general. I'm about to quit my gym membership tomorrow because I think a year of that much commitment is ridiculous. I know where you're coming from, and it's hard to get out of that mental cycle.

There is nothing people have that is that "one big thing" and are just great and famous and awesome the next morning. Life doesn't work like that for anybody, except maybe a very select few. The smallest change can lead to the biggest influence. It's okay to be a jack of all trades, it's all about in how you use that for yourself and to eventually help others.

I think you should go out and volunteer or do something that helps people out. Maybe in the process you'll see the gratification they have in you just being there, making a difference for them.
I find that gyms are are harder to commit to because no one expects you to go there for example every Thursday. What I do then is that at the beginning I go there like 3 times a week and gradually I start going there like once a week until I just forget about it and don't go at all because I decided that I'm going to learn how to play the drums for example. :D

I think you're right about how only a very few have that one thing. I am probably just being too demanding on myself. For me, I usually take too many goals and responsibilities. I usually fill my duties and then realize that I have way too many big goals amd hobbies. Like as a child I dreamed of becoming a dancer-lawyer-doctor and as a "side job" I was thinking about acting. :laughing:

I should go volunteering, it has been on my list for a long time now. I think it would be really rewarding and I like helping. I just haven't found the right place where to go perhaps because I haven't been searching for a place. :D
 

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God yes! I had a huge problem with commitment, and then I realised that the "problem" was actually fear. I was scared of commitment because I didn't want to feel trapped; I wanted to feel like at any moment, if I changed my mind, I could run off and explore the other possibilities I was considering... It wasn't until someone pointed out to me that I was actually scared that I started thinking about it and taking steps to address this issue.

I realised that being free of commitments is actually pointless. And that in order for me to be truly happy, I needed commitment to something I enjoyed immensely AND something that gave me meaning. I found that, and now I can't be happier :)

The freedom 7s usually search for is an illusion, being tied to nothing is the quickest way to depression because it means your life is of no significance and it has no meaning. This is also usually when a 7s addiction to pleasure and hedonism kicks in. I think all 7s should avoid that downward spiral lol.
 

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probably my biggest issue in life right now is this fear, and i emphasize fear. The fear of being trapped in something more specifically.
As long as i feel like i can up and leave something at any moment if i want to I can commit. Committing to myself is easy as long as this is met. probably not the best way to be.

If i 100% want something, i can commit, but if i am even 1% off, it can be hard.

God yes! I had a huge problem with commitment, and then I realised that the "problem" was actually fear. I was scared of commitment because I didn't want to feel trapped; I wanted to feel like at any moment, if I changed my mind, I could run off and explore the other possibilities I was considering... It wasn't until someone pointed out to me that I was actually scared that I started thinking about it and taking steps to address this issue.

I realised that being free of commitments is actually pointless. And that in order for me to be truly happy, I needed commitment to something I enjoyed immensely AND something that gave me meaning. I found that, and now I can't be happier :)

The freedom 7s usually search for is an illusion, being tied to nothing is the quickest way to depression because it means your life is of no significance and it has no meaning. This is also usually when a 7s addiction to pleasure and hedonism kicks in. I think all 7s should avoid that downward spiral lol.

GOD DAMN. I'm exactly the same. Literally and figuratively.
It effects me most in career decisions. I remember considering apprenticeships was extremely hard for me because i felt like if i changed my mind i will be obliged to work for them for some years after it was complete, or be stuck with a big debt to re-pay if i quit mid training.
 

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I fear that because I don't have that one thing I'll never be significant and "change" this world. I feel like I'm always going to be just okay in many things and it honestly makes me feel really sad. I would like to matter and help. To my understanding this should be a type seven thing but I'm not completely sure.
This is pretty much my whole life summed up. I have this suspicion all the time that there is one thing in the world that I am really good at and I'm just not sure what it is yet so I'm always afraid I'm doing the wrong thing with my life. So I try a little of everything, waiting for my talent to show up instead of really honing any one skill. Not to brag, but I am naturally good at most things, but I will never be truly great unless I can commit, and that to me is disheartening because I probably never will.
 

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Also @Ledica, just a side note: I don't know if you've actually decided on 7 as your type since it says you're unknown, but my girlfriend is a 3w2 ENFJ and she has similar issues with wanting to do/be EVERYTHING like even to the point where /I/ sometimes find her impractical and tell her she needs to focus and just do something and stop talking about things she's never actually going to do. So what I'm saying is that this sort of thing is not necessarily exclusive to sevens. My girlfriend does have 7 in her tritype however. She is a 3w2 7w6 1w9 so/sp. For her it seems more like she wants to SAY she's done and can do many things because it reflects well on her more than an actual fear of commitment. She just thinks she can do it all and wants to be that sort of person. For me as a 7, it is more about wanting to do things for their own sake and fearing that I might miss out on something better, but she wants some recognition for her worldliness and outstanding achievement in everything. However, these are mostly fantasies and she starts and quits new hobbies and skills pretty quickly.

I'm not saying you are a 3 or that you are not a 7, just keep that in mind because I think 3w2 (and 2w3 of course) is a pretty common type for ENFJ, as well as 7, and in my opinion, probably more common IRL.
 

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What @Splash Shin said is really the key for me. I don't fear commitment, I fear being trapped. I have absolutely no problem committing, as long as I feel like I still have options and that I'm not tied to any particular path. However, I couldn't and wouldn't commit to anything with the idea that it would be forever. I'm too changeable, and I know it. What interests me today, won't interest me a year from now. Therefore, everything I do comes with the caveat "for now."

Some people have mentioned jobs/careers. I had a difficult time choosing which direction to go with my career when I was younger. Then I realized that it wasn't a lifelong commitment and I could change directions any time I wanted to. Once I figured that out, all work-related decisions became a piece of cake.

Another thing that helped was cultivating side businesses. I have my regular day job to pay the bills, and my side projects bring in extra cash and provide me with the diversity I need.

I don't try different things looking for any special talent or skill. I try everything simply because I want to try it. My goal is novelty, exploration and adventure, not finding any sort of purpose. I would say that my experience is completely opposite to what @DaphneDelRey said. Lack of commitment doesn't lead to a downward spiral of depression at all. Searching for meaning does. Looking for something external to create a feeling of significance and purpose always ends badly. For me, being free of ties and finding meaning within is the source of true happiness.
 

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I can commit to my family. . .and best friends. . .that's about it. But, I'm o.k. with that!

If I desired to excel at just one subject or area of expertise, I'm sure I would. I just don't have that desire. I can commit to what I want to commit to, and who and what I find important (which is mostly just people I'm intimate with).

I cannot finish a video game to save my life, I switched majors in college 4 times, and since college, have already job hopped 5 different times (pretty much a different job each year). I'm hoping to be a stay-at-home mom, as I think it will give me the freedom, diversity, and excitement that I crave. :)

If it's important enough to me, I can stick with it and commit (for sure); I think this tends to be more true for 6-wingers (but I'm not sure). I personally, don't really care that I cannot commit to much, because I feel like if I cared, than I'd do it.

& By the way, you can make a huge difference in the world, without specializing in one specific area. I understand it may not be what you want, but do know that you don't need to have one area of expertise to make a difference. :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Thank you all for answering! I never expected to receive so many answers. You have been really helpful and for the past days I've been thinking about the things you wrote. Especially I have thought about the thing about fearing to commit because the fear is to be trapped and "chained down".
Also, just a side note: I don't know if you've actually decided on 7 as your type since it says you're unknown, but my girlfriend is a 3w2 ENFJ and she has similar issues with wanting to do/be EVERYTHING like even to the point where /I/ sometimes find her impractical and tell her she needs to focus and just do something and stop talking about things she's never actually going to do. So what I'm saying is that this sort of thing is not necessarily exclusive to sevens.
Yes, I haven't settled on type yet. I asked this question because I wanted to know if I am a type seven. I have to say that I feel like my fear of not "committing" might only be in my head. I feel like I commit but not with the intensity as I would like. I fear that if I don't concentrate and commit to things intensively enough, I will never be successful and reach the high standards I have. This made me realize that I'm probably a type 3.

I don't see me having a problem with having a one job if I feel like I can proceed in my career. I feel like I want variety but for different reasons. I have had many hobbies because every time I have felt that in this hobby/club I can't make progress I stop and start a new hobby.

Also thank you all for encouraging words! But even more I thank you for helping me realize more things about myself by telling things about you and sharing your feelings on committing. I feel like I gained more knowledge on the enneagram than I could gave imagined.
 

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Hello: I am currently dating a 7 (I'm a female 5) and I can't help wondering if he's really able to be commited. Is he going to be bored from the relationship eventually and look for a new and exciting new partner?
I know that it's not only 7's who can suffer from that, but, for what I've read, it seems you guys are even more likely to do that. Is that so? Or can you guys commit if you really like/love someone?
Well aware of his appetite for excitement and new experiences I follow him on his adventures and plans, and enjoy them... I even suggest him new things to do.
Thank you!
(and sorry for my english, I'm a spanish girl)
 
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