Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 20 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
161 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Fellow infj's, I wonder if you've had the same problem...

I'm currently volunteering as an employment advisor in the city. I really enjoy helping clients in need of support and guidance and generally feel relaxed around this group.

When I go back to working in the office amongst collegues however, i feel inhibited and tense. I feel very uncomfable and self concious.

I have found the transition from academic study to the world of work difficult. I just feel like a fish out of the water- like im out of my comfort zone or something.

I find the experience of working with lots of people in an office unatural and slightly unpleasant. IDK if its the professional enviroment which makes my feel on edge and unable to extravert my feeling!

i yearn to do this but find it difficult. I prefer introversion and need time alone to concentrate, and I like relationships to be genuine. Do you guys value this aswell and if y what do you do for a living, where you can experience this?

what are your experiences of work after university/college? did you find working in a full time job difficult aswell?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,691 Posts
I actually quite liked the change from a shared house / classroom environment to an office, if I feel like introverting I can just get my head down and ignore everyone while working instead of being pressured to do things and spend time with people. Compared to a mix of loud music from my housemates the drone of people on the phone and gossiping is much easier to block out...

My office is not good for relationships though, it's filled with two faced people and the only two who weren't have left :dry: That leaves lots of apparently friendly people who I couldn't care less what they think of me as I'd never have chosen to spend any time with them had I not worked with them so I'm completely free to be me. I'm there for the money not to make friends! My comfortzone has only been found since being transferred within the department so much that I can do virtually everything, and have near total control of the system. If someone wants something done I can do it - it may not be humanitarian but I get to help lots of people, and that feels good.

The art of doing 37 hours a week, every week, mainly while it is light, is still a real challenge though :crazy:

Sorry that this wasn't really any help, maybe I just stumbled into an introvert friendly office? :unsure:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,553 Posts
I never had any luck in school or in the work environment.

I consistently flunked my classes in school and couldn't keep up with the workflow. It eventually lead to my dropping out of college.

I thought I'd fare better in a work environment because I'd be earning money. Then
as stress levels rose again, I began developing migraines that started out as minor headaches and blossomed into head rushes that caused me to go partiallly blind on occasion. This lead to the loss of my job.

Society's just not my game, I guess.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,333 Posts
I dunno why but having two energy drinks before class helps...

although the rest of my week becomes bed rest and t.v.
with a little bit of constant at home rage...

but I want to be positive at school. I feel that it's important.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
836 Posts
I find the experience of working with lots of people in an office unatural and slightly unpleasant. IDK if its the professional enviroment which makes my feel on edge and unable to extravert my feeling!

what are your experiences of work after university/college? did you find working in a full time job difficult aswell?
first thought: maybe you are in the wrong work environment? if you really feel like you are swimming against the stream at work (and you haven't had social problems before - which it sounds like you haven't), then maybe you are just working at a place where you don't fit in. is it a small work place, ie 15 people or less? then, if so, it might be more difficult to fit in. it's either you do, or you dont, in small places. and it becomes very noticable because you interact so closely with your coworkers. if its a large place - find new friends! haha. :)

i work at a college library, so some would argue i haven't transitioned at all. which brings me to second thought: maybe you are working in the wrong industry? do you work in a corporate environment where you feel like you are selling out? or feel like you cant fully be yourself? i know my academic work environment is very loose and open... but im not sure how it would be, say, in an investment firm. maybe you need to work in a place where you can wear birkenstocks and google youtube videos when you are bored. :)

just some thoughts.

also, i would argue the further you get in your career the less you can truly express yourself - you have to become professional and muted in most high pressure situations. i think that's true at any environment.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,835 Posts
I totally relate to this feeling. I found it very difficult to transition after I graduated to office work. I've learned to focus on a couple friendships in the office (since I seek some meaning in them ) and all the other ones I don't care about.

I know I can operate fine in the environment, I just have to keep adapting and adjusting. It's necessary for me because I want to make progress in my life. It certainly isn't enjoyable though, a lot of the time.

I think the more stressed work gets for me or the more stressful the relationships get (which is why I try to reduce the relationship stress as much as possibe) the more I move inward. I am unemployed right now though so I am trying to prepare mentally for when I get a job.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
836 Posts
I think the more stressed work gets for me or the more stressful the relationships get (which is why I try to reduce the relationship stress as much as possibe) the more I move inward. I am unemployed right now though so I am trying to prepare mentally for when I get a job.
Have you ever done a personality typing in an office environment? We did it at mine - this system is referred to DISC typing. It differs from Myers Briggs, in that it supposedly types your work personality - ie, how you handle work, what you do when you are stressed, etc.

And while I'm not sure I buy into the DISC typing completely... I found it interesting in that certain people are completely task-oriented at work, and some people are complete people-oriented at work. Some of us will climb over people, or ignore people in order to complete the task at head. Others will talk when stressed, or will have a fundamental need to be liked, rather than respected.

That was rather enlightening, and I think it explains for me why I walk away from people mid-conversation, or shut people out because I'm trying to finish a project. Meanwhile, other people start conversations or distractions when they are stressed out, as a way of functioning.

It makes me feel more at peace knowing some of us are task-oriented, and some of us are people-oriented.

(ps good luck preparing mentally!)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,835 Posts
Thank you, hopefully it won't be too long. No I have not had that, but it sounds interesting. I think if I can keep the conversation to a minimum it will help me. Because if I'm talking to someone and want to get to know them, most likely I really want to get to know them (whoever they are) and it could affect my work.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,675 Posts
Fellow infj's, I wonder if you've had the same problem...

I'm currently volunteering as an employment advisor in the city. I really enjoy helping clients in need of support and guidance and generally feel relaxed around this group.

When I go back to working in the office amongst collegues however, i feel inhibited and tense. I feel very uncomfable and self concious.

I have found the transition from academic study to the world of work difficult. I just feel like a fish out of the water- like im out of my comfort zone or something.

I find the experience of working with lots of people in an office unatural and slightly unpleasant. IDK if its the professional enviroment which makes my feel on edge and unable to extravert my feeling!

i yearn to do this but find it difficult. I prefer introversion and need time alone to concentrate, and I like relationships to be genuine. Do you guys value this aswell and if y what do you do for a living, where you can experience this?

what are your experiences of work after university/college? did you find working in a full time job difficult aswell?
Like you, I thrive in individual work environments. That's why I work the Janitorial night shift at college... it's quiet and peaceful.

As for the problems of working in groups... you might want to try just shutting yourself in a nice introversion bubble, and popping out for some genuine communication with your co-workers when the opportunity arises. When you build relationships with your co-workers, your comfort level can slowly rise, allowing you to more easily express your supressed extroverted feeling.

Your co-workers will learn to understand our strange INFJ speaking habits. I've always seen it as the INFJs job to keep people in work from fighting each other. The more harmonious and understanding we can keep the workplace, the less of that irritating conflict we'll have to endure.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
303 Posts
I find the experience of working with lots of people in an office unatural and slightly unpleasant. IDK if its the professional enviroment which makes my feel on edge and unable to extravert my feeling!

i yearn to do this but find it difficult. I prefer introversion and need time alone to concentrate, and I like relationships to be genuine. Do you guys value this aswell and if y what do you do for a living, where you can experience this?

what are your experiences of work after university/college? did you find working in a full time job difficult aswell?
I've worked in an office environment for about 13 years now, and currently a Business Analyst. I s t r u g g l e with this tremendously. I've held different types of jobs, at multiple different companies, and it's all the same story...more or less...everywhere you go. Some are more tolerable than others.

Yes, I definitely feel like you do in the office environment. It's a constant balance of how do I stay satisfied with my job without having to get all wrapped up in the office politics. What I attempt to do is just do my job & do it well, and with integrity. I have my reasons for why I'm still trying to make it in the office work environment, but I have also thought at great lengths whether it's just not for me and whether I need to pursue a completely different career.

But with "office politics" such as, those trying to get ahead at all costs and have no qualms about doing very under-handed (aka slimy used car salesman) tactics - lie & schmooze their way into being in charge and then the next thing you know, they have their snakey fingers all in your work & business. It doesn't matter if it's fair or right, it just is.

I could go on and on and produce a novel just on this, but it wouldn't really add to the discussion. I just know that a) I do feel like you do about it and b) I have yet to understand the best thing for me. :crying:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
383 Posts
While im not the best person to comment on this (as i am still in school), you might want to figure out what part of your work place is making you uncomfortable. If its just simply the way in that work is done, perhaps you need to find a job that that works more like schools. If its the people then the only real choice i think you have is to transfer out or some how make it that you spend more time with your clients. Hope this helps.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
161 Posts
Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Like you, I thrive in individual work environments. That's why I work the Janitorial night shift at college... it's quiet and peaceful.

As for the problems of working in groups... you might want to try just shutting yourself in a nice introversion bubble, and popping out for some genuine communication with your co-workers when the opportunity arises. When you build relationships with your co-workers, your comfort level can slowly rise, allowing you to more easily express your supressed extroverted feeling.

Your co-workers will learn to understand our strange INFJ speaking habits. I've always seen it as the INFJs job to keep people in work from fighting each other. The more harmonious and understanding we can keep the workplace, the less of that irritating conflict we'll have to endure.
Btmangan, you sound alot more enlightened than me :laughing: i am so self concious at work that its impossible to shut myself in a bubble without feeling awkward. I certainly have a preference for Introversion, however i WANT to connect with people.

I think you are right about building relationships slowly. Maybe im in a hurry to be accepted and liked..i dunno.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,131 Posts
It sound to me like you feel that you are not able to live up to the expectations at the workplace... If so, have you considered if these expectations are real or imagined?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3 Posts
When i was about 18 i had real problems coping with crowds. I wouldn't eat in the cafeteria in school, I always felt that people where looking at me like I wasn't good enough. At the same time I had friends and loved spending time with them at school, but in places with little or few other people around.
To solve this issue I got a job in an amusement park where I was at the center of attention at all times. I had to deal with hundred of people every day. This was my job, so I had to do it. This got rid of my social anxiety.
It does come back some times, when I i haven't slept of if I'm depressed.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
26 Posts
I know how you feel, I worked in corporate environments for 25 years. It's hard for "F"s of any type to be in a big office, our feelings get hurt easily and our worrying about how other people feel can get in the way of doing what we have to do. If you can be aware of your feelings and work on staying detached from emotional situations you can avoid the politics and protect your emotional state. Also, as "I"s we have trouble in loud or busy work environments, see if you can find a corner where you can be alone when you need to. If you can't, here's a trick I use – I put on noise cancelling headphones and plugged them into an iPod that is off. It looks like I'm listening to music but I'm really just listening to quiet.

There is value in working in environments that you aren’t quite comfortable in – it's a great opportunity to practice those skills that don't come easy to you. You can work on socializing, multitasking, and adapting to less than ideal situations. These are terrific skills to have, and will broaden what you can do in life.

The one thing you have to remember is to not make yourself wrong just because you're different from those around you. Your sensitivity is a good thing and doesn't have to get in your way. AND, your gentleness can be a valuable contribution to this environment. If you are yourself, you'll find others like you to connect with – they are out there hiding just like you want to do!

Melinda
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
161 Posts
Discussion Starter · #16 ·
I've worked in an office environment for about 13 years now, and currently a Business Analyst. I s t r u g g l e with this tremendously. I've held different types of jobs, at multiple different companies, and it's all the same story...more or less...everywhere you go. Some are more tolerable than others.

Yes, I definitely feel like you do in the office environment. It's a constant balance of how do I stay satisfied with my job without having to get all wrapped up in the office politics. What I attempt to do is just do my job & do it well, and with integrity. I have my reasons for why I'm still trying to make it in the office work environment, but I have also thought at great lengths whether it's just not for me and whether I need to pursue a completely different career.

But with "office politics" such as, those trying to get ahead at all costs and have no qualms about doing very under-handed (aka slimy used car salesman) tactics - lie & schmooze their way into being in charge and then the next thing you know, they have their snakey fingers all in your work & business. It doesn't matter if it's fair or right, it just is.

I could go on and on and produce a novel just on this, but it wouldn't really add to the discussion. I just know that a) I do feel like you do about it and b) I have yet to understand the best thing for me. :crying:


I wonder if "office working environments" in the 21st Century are the best places to show our talents?

At university I volunteered at a charity and found the job really stressfull and overwhelming. After graduating I secured a job as a civil servant. The latter job was so stressful and negative that it's taken 3 years to rebuild by confidence again. Because of my perfectionism i wanted to be outstanding..but just couldnt. ...too much admin and attention to detail lol :confused:

The latter job aslo consisted of backstabbers, hypocrites, racists and people with no moral compass.Im sure not all work places are like this but...

I think when entering work institutions most people leave their morals at the door. or perhaps alot of people do not instrinstically have values? but internalise the accepted codes of behaviour within their environment.

The idea of working for myself sounds really appealing at the moment. I could focus on something that interests me, have time alone and also interact with others when needed.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
161 Posts
Discussion Starter · #17 ·
I know how you feel, I worked in corporate environments for 25 years. It's hard for "F"s of any type to be in a big office, our feelings get hurt easily and our worrying about how other people feel can get in the way of doing what we have to do. If you can be aware of your feelings and work on staying detached from emotional situations you can avoid the politics and protect your emotional state. Also, as "I"s we have trouble in loud or busy work environments, see if you can find a corner where you can be alone when you need to. If you can't, here's a trick I use – I put on noise cancelling headphones and plugged them into an iPod that is off. It looks like I'm listening to music but I'm really just listening to quiet.

There is value in working in environments that you aren’t quite comfortable in – it's a great opportunity to practice those skills that don't come easy to you. You can work on socializing, multitasking, and adapting to less than ideal situations. These are terrific skills to have, and will broaden what you can do in life.

The one thing you have to remember is to not make yourself wrong just because you're different from those around you. Your sensitivity is a good thing and doesn't have to get in your way. AND, your gentleness can be a valuable contribution to this environment. If you are yourself, you'll find others like you to connect with – they are out there hiding just like you want to do!

Melinda
thanks for the advice melinda. I *fear* that you may be right lol, i could build assertiveness skills and socialising with others in this horrible environment! i just wish it could be abit easier

my negative experiences add to my feelings of isolation. again, i am reminded that i am different. At the moment this doesnt feel good.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,835 Posts
Man I can definitely relate to feeling different. I think if anyone decides that they're going to be in a setting where they have to have constant interaction or too much, it would help greatly to have parts of your day be the opposite, complete isolation, or whatever you feel you need. Otherwise, I think it's too much to deal with. This stress is not a good one.

Though I do think if we can find an environment that fits our beliefs well enough that it is then easier to stay there.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,361 Posts
I've also worked somewhere where I was out in the open and was constantly feeling tired.. I think it's just part of the introversion. At the time, I thought the cause was that I had low amount of red blood cells, among other ideas.

When I finished school and started working, I had my own room.. and it was a job I had where I lasted the longest out of all my other jobs. That room was probably the miracle. I remember singing and dancing in there sometimes. And I used to go to the roof during break and breathe in the cold air and watch the sun. There were also other activities I did aside from my main job, and I felt those were also sort of breaks. As the job was as a whole repetitive however, I ended up cutting my hours, eventually quitting altogether...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
26 Posts
thanks for the advice melinda. I *fear* that you may be right lol, i could build assertiveness skills and socialising with others in this horrible environment! i just wish it could be abit easier

my negative experiences add to my feelings of isolation. again, i am reminded that i am different. At the moment this doesnt feel good.
I hear you! But from the sound of the people you work with, aren't you glad you're different?! Seriously, though, if you hate it, if you hate going to work every day, it sounds maybe you might want to look for a different environment to work in - not all workplaces are hell holes!

Melinda
 
1 - 20 of 20 Posts
Top