[Finaille]

I have tested ENFP/ESFP most of my life, and my therapist heavily believes I am ENFP. Anyways, I was wondering if anybody else struggles with reading social cues from people who aren't considered good friends; acquaintances, coworkers, managers, classmates, or anybody else you can think of. I know there are some people in the world I feel like I click with instantly, but then it seems like there is a large majority that gives me a vibe telling me 'You are a total whackjob, wtf are you even looking at me??' I know I tend to be pretty innocent in most situations, I don't really gossip, I strive to do my best in school/work, I try to be friendly... But I still always feel awkward with most of these people.

My therapist says I don't use eye contact enough; he states that I usually get stuck in my own world while I'm thinking. So while I am listening to what another person is saying, they believe I am not paying attention to them. My good friends know this behavior is totally harmless, but I can see where this could turn other people off. If another person did this to me, I wouldn't notice because I don't think anything of it. So another awkward point is I don't really pay attention well if somebody isn't interested in me.

I also feel like I trip over my words a lot and make mistakes around these people, especially the more I think about how awkward I feel. I believe the people around me must think I am just plain stupid.

What do I say/do differently so I don't present myself in this light? Am I over-reading their cues, and if I'm not, how can I not be so awkward?

And is this an ENFP thing, or does this sound like another type?

 

[WakeHopper]

How could not a single ENFP respond to this thread. Thats terrible... it's like leaving a girl in a corner and ignoring her. :sad:

I test ENFP too and by no means does this sound weird too me especially since this sounds like me . I'm like uber friendly and stuff by yea large groups still bother me. Eye contact is hard for me too and but as we master this over time I think we might discover are uninterrupted ENFPness. Just keep going at it with your therapist and ask him to give you a challenge between times you see him.

I'm still a novice ENFP but I found that working at improving my secondary skills like sensing and stuff im way more effective at being myself. The less worry and stress the better. Hang in there... its a fun ride.

~WakeHopper

 

[Finaille]

How could not a single ENFP respond to this thread. Thats terrible... it's like leaving a girl in a corner and ignoring her. :sad:

~WakeHopper

To be totally honest, this happens to me in real life too (I must fail as an ENFP or something ) so it didn't bother me that much. I voice my concerns, and people kind of glaze over. It is slightly frustrating.

Anyways I'm trying to practice my interactions at work, and I still seem to come off as annoying to my managers (I ask WAY too many questions because I am a massive perfectionist and worry that I do everything wrong) but my contact with my coworkers is working much better with better eye contact and listening more to what they say/allowing them to talk. I know I need to curb down my competitiveness as well.

How do you work on sensing abilities???

 

[WakeHopper]

How do you work on sensing abilities???

I think I was just kidding.. for an ENFP that would be impossible. I LIKE MY HUNCHES! Sensing is kinda boring.

What I meant was I was working on what ENFP's find difficult like getting things done... not procrastinating all the time. Then I also take things way to personality so thats another thing I'm trying to work on and communicate those feelings.

I'm sure your therapist went over this with you but try not to worry about doing things wrong. Your doing the best you can and whats their to worry about? If your boss gets angry then it's his personality fault not yours... try and find someplace you feel good working for. + ENFP's are notorious for switching jobs all the time when they can.


:tongue: *hugs* and *playing with your hair*

~WakeHopper

 

[Later Days]

I really can't stand large groups. I'm constantly worried what's going on with every single person, therefore large groups just confuse the heck out of me. I don't really have a problem looking anyone in the eye, but I do have a majority with clicking with 95% of people I meet. With the first 3 words and the look about them, I can tell if I'll ever end up being friends or ever comfortable around someone. I kind of got over my looking distractedness by training myself to stare directly at a person, unwaveringly. Not a creepy blank stare, but one that looks like I'm listening, which most of the time I am.
I think reading eyes and body language is important to function in general society, but don't spend tons of time talking with people you don't connect to. I really really doubt the connection will ever happen, and you'll probably never feel truly comfortable.

I have a question, are you guys always apologizing and over-analyzing everything that was said by you or to you the entire day?
It's seriously giving me anxiety, and I can't quit saying sorry, which frustrates everyone more, which makes unable to even function properly with people I'm mostly comfortable with.

 

[WakeHopper]

I have a question, are you guys always apologizing and over-analyzing everything that was said by you or to you the entire day?
It's seriously giving me anxiety, and I can't quit saying sorry, which frustrates everyone more, which makes unable to even function properly with people I'm mostly comfortable with.

Nah, I never to the point of apologizing but yea I do over analyze situations way to often...

 

[Tridentus]

i think what you're describing is the whole getting "stuck" in Fi mode where you are introverting too much whilst around other people, and effectively behaving like an extreme INFP..

i think our type has to strike a delicate balance between extroversion and introversion. first off- the more you are around people for more of the day the more you will feel comfortable around them. actually that's not true- at first it gets harder before it gets easier. you just need to stick it out. meeting new people usually helps too. when i get like this i like to think of it as a medical problem, or that i am "sick"- not that that's how i see it just that it's a good way of looking at it. i need to "cure" it by socialising. there's actually a thread i created a while ago where because i was stressed and feeling like this after exams, i asked whether it was best to push on and meet friends as regularly as possible or to find some other way. it turns out the best way is to push on- even when you feel uncomfortable keep pushing on and trying to socialise as much as possible. there will come a point where you actually start feeling comfortable and normal. and in my case EPIC.. but like i said keep at it, for like a few days.
although obviously being around people who are actually negative toward you all the time is NOT good.:mellow:

 

[kaycee]

Actually, no. I'm actually extremely adept at reading social cues. In fact, I was thinking about what my "psychic power" would be for that one thread but couldn't come up with something at the time, but I guess this would be it.

I'm just really good at being the chameleon. In fact, I can be in a group of different people and all of them will think I am just like them, even if they are nothing like each other and we stay in a group all night.

It's weird and probably says something about my own unstable identity.

 

[WakeHopper]

i think what you're describing is the whole getting "stuck" in Fi mode where you are introverting too much whilst around other people, and effectively behaving like an extreme INFP..

i think our type has to strike a delicate balance between extroversion and introversion. first off- the more you are around people for more of the day the more you will feel comfortable around them. actually that's not true- at first it gets harder before it gets easier. you just need to stick it out. meeting new people usually helps too. when i get like this i like to think of it as a medical problem, or that i am "sick"- not that that's how i see it just that it's a good way of looking at it. i need to "cure" it by socialising. there's actually a thread i created a while ago where because i was stressed and feeling like this after exams, i asked whether it was best to push on and meet friends as regularly as possible or to find some other way. it turns out the best way is to push on- even when you feel uncomfortable keep pushing on and trying to socialise as much as possible. there will come a point where you actually start feeling comfortable and normal. and in my case EPIC.. but like i said keep at it, for like a few days.
although obviously being around people who are actually negative toward you all the time is NOT good.:mellow:

Awesome. I'll completely start working on being around people more.