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Hello guys. I would like the opinion of the forum on this.

The last few months have been stressful and unprofitable (long story short: my progress with academia and career has been stymied a lot). I make a big effort not to showcase the fact that...well...my situation is dire, especially with my parents.

However, I ended up venting online while chatting with a good friend, spewing out personal frustrations like a drunk patron at a bar. He took it in stride, but I really feel awkward that I released pretty personal thoughts about things to him. Heck! I'm not even sure I really would like to see him personally again - maybe just maintain Internet contact...and then just teeter off.

What do you guys think? Is there any way to get over this awkward feeling about releasing tons of personal feelings to a friend? He's been a good friend for many years (one of my few), but I don't want to burden him with my angst and poor feelings.

Thanks.
 

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I had similar problem a few weeks ago. Something in my life crashed in major way - I vent to my friends (usually online) and then I feel awkward/guilty for dumping that pile of crap on them. Several things helped me to get over that awkwardness.
1) I confessed to one of the friends that I feel awkward dumping that on him, especially since we haven't really talked so much online before and he told me that I HAVE TO TALK TO MY FRIENDS! That's what they are here for, to hear me out and help if they can. Yep. He told me off for not telling him about my problems sooner.
2) I talked about my problems with almost complete stranger (boss of a contractor company that does some work for us), because during lunch he mentioned that he does enneagram couching (very perceptive 9 guy who saw immediately I'm not feeling so great) and told me I should probably go see him after the meeting if I want to. I went and told him everything, took a leap of faith, which I don't normally do. He basically told me the same thing that friend of mine told me. ASK FOR HELP, you don't have to do everything alone.

In fact, they both agreed that the brave, the strong thing to do is sharing my problems with friends, asking for help... not doing it all on my own and pretending I'm fine. Making yourself vulnerable is the hardest thing, but that's what friends are for - having someone you can open up to. And it should work both ways of course.
 

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Plague Doctor
INTJ, 5w4, Ni-T type
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If it were me, I'd probably tell the friend thanks for listening and that I didn't realize that I had that much to get off my chest. Depending on the person, I might even tell them I'm a bit embarrassed about it. I've found that acknowledging things out loud that cause anxiety tends to immediately dispel that anxiety.
 

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It is not okay to dump a friend because you made yourself uncomfortable.
i agree with this. it's always difficult right after you've given someone information you normally keep to yourself, when you don't know a) what they feel about having the info or b) what they're going to do with the info now they have it.

both of those can be solved with time, and if either of them takes a bad turn then both of them have ways they can be dealt with IF AND WHEN they do take that bad turn.

but imo for now all you have to do is say 'thanks for listening and sorry for dumping all that onto you.' and if they're a good friend that's all you should do as well.

to put it in tough-love kinds of terms: you wish you hadn't exposed all of that, but too bad. it's done and now you can either stand by what you said or disown it. you do have that choice, but the friend himself doesn't deserve to be disowned too just for having been the person you spilled it all to.
 

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Not much of a friend to begin with if you cant talk to them and have them realise that your mood and your temperament are not always going to be what they want.

Never apologise or feel bad for being yourself, or opening up to others if that is what you feel like doing.

Don't worry so much would be my advice. Human beings are very fond of themselves, there are literally billions of us.

Losing one friend because they only want you to be a certain way all the time is really not a big deal, there will be other friends.
 
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