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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi there,
I was wondering do any other INFJs here always feel fine to unhappy on a spectrum of happiness? I'm asking because I seem never to feel happy. I'm in a good place in life and yet I don't feel the zest. I range from emotionally numb to unhappy. I don't want to put this down to a pathological issue (it may be, but I'm writing in this forum for a reason), so I'm wondering if this may have something to do with type. Does anyone else experience this?
 

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I don't think it has much to do with type, though I guess NFs are more prone to disillusionment because of how much we tend to idealize things so maybe that could be what's troubling you?

Regardless, I hope you find happiness soon! :unsure:
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Interesting response. Thanks. Perhaps it is indeed my tendency to live in my future visions as opposed to in the moment which contributes to my state of mind. I tend to be very meaning-focused, which can lead me into all sorts of loops. Thanks for your response.
 

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I don't claim to have a deep insight into how INFJs work. But happiness is largely brain chemistry. You are far less in control than you think you are. I would suggest seeking a medical solution.
 

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I can relate. I've felt "fine to unhappy", and to the level of depression, 85% of my life. In my early years, I considered my life an air of melancholy. However, I was rather okay with that. It didn't really bother me but for some reason I was inclined to try and feel happy. I suppose it was out of curiosity to find out what this "happiness" was all about. I did a lot of things to try and be happy, and I can say I was successful since I was happy for 2 years of my life. But then it went back to being it's gloomy ol' self. However, it's been worse as of late. For the past two years, I've had GAD/chronic depression and have only recently sought help. What drove me into a significantly depressed state was tasting happiness and then losing it.
 

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You are far less in control than you think you are.
I actually couldn't disagree more. I think we often vastly underestimate just how much we can do to improve our lives. Even if you can't fix everything completely, there's always at least something you can do to help yourself.

I can relate. I've felt "fine to unhappy", and to the level of depression, 85% of my life. In my early years, I considered my life an air of melancholy. However, I was rather okay with that. It didn't really bother me but for some reason I was inclined to try and feel happy. I suppose it was out of curiosity to find out what this "happiness" was all about. I did a lot of things to try and be happy, and I can say I was successful since I was happy for 2 years of my life. But then it went back to being it's gloomy ol' self. However, it's been worse as of late. For the past two years, I've had GAD/chronic depression and have only recently sought help. What drove me into a significantly depressed state was tasting happiness and then losing it.
Aw! *hug* :sad: I'm glad you're getting help though....
 

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I actually couldn't disagree more. I think we often vastly underestimate just how much we can do to improve our lives. Even if you can't fix everything completely, there's always at least something you can do to help yourself.
Thats not what I meant. You have a lot of control over your life, over what you achieve and what you do. You also have control over your philosophy and attitude.

But mood and happiness? That's to a large degree up to biological processes out side of your control. This is why people can get everything they want and still feel miserable. But such has been fixed by medicine. If your brain chemistry is making you miserable science can fix it. And in this way you have some control.

Unhappiness can be more than a state of being it can be a sympton of an illness.
 

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"Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you".....Nathaniel Hawthorne

On a happiness scale from 1-10. Being 1 drowning on a pit of despair and 10 being ecstatic. I score around 8 on average. When I feel 10, I literary cry tears of happiness. The lowest I have go in the last years of my life is a 4 when I feel very anxious, worry about something and get on a loop in my decision process.

Happiness is a choice. Most of our lives are full of uncertainty and many irregularities that we cannot stop them from happening but we can change our response and with it, the outcome. In our decisions we have our freedom and the possibility to make out of life whatever we want it to be. At some point in your life, you made the choices that make you who you are today. There is also not such a thing as a mess free life :). If you have meet someone that seems to have it all together, you don't know her/him well enough.

I lived two years of my life were there was not much change in my daily routine. Yet how I choose to interiorize those same experiences had different outcomes. The same experience could make me feel sad or happy depending on how I perceive it. It is amazing how you can find people living in similar conditions with a total different view of their lives. There are people in this world that have "everything" anyone could possible want, yet they feel miserable. Others don't have almost anything that people perceive that will make you happy yet they find fulfillment in what each day brings to them.

No matter how "horrible/good" your current situation is, your state of mind will make heaven or hell out of it. We seem to think that happiness lies in the destination( fulfilling that goal, get that special person,etc), when in reality it lies in the journey. Remember that no matter where you go, there you are.

Some things I have notice that can help anyone to find more happiness in their life:

*Instead of focusing on the things you "lack". Focus on what you have. For example most people don't remember about how good it feels to be healthy until you get sick.
*Instead of complaining about "x" see what you can do to change it. It is way easier to blame "others" instead of doing something about it.
*Instead of asking what others can do for you, ask yourself what you can do for others. I have notice that there is much joy when you impacts in a positive way, the life of those around you.

Something that could help you is to track your mood for a month and see what has a significant impact in your mood levels. Here is a good application for it :) :

MoodPanda - Rate and Track Your Mood Online - Create a graphical Mood Diary
 
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But mood and happiness? That's to a large degree up to biological processes out side of your control. This is why people can get everything they want and still feel miserable. But such has been fixed by medicine. If your brain chemistry is making you miserable science can fix it. And in this way you have some control.
If you talk to people after they've been treated with psych drugs you find that the psychological problems that brought about the depression/psychosis/etc are still there.

I don't altogether oppose the use of drugs to treat mental illness because some people truly cannot get their heads above water without them. Some people are going to be flailing about and harming themselves and harming others without the drugs. But those are a tiny fraction of the people currently taking psych drugs.

I see animals at the zoo that look super-depressed and I don't think it has much to do with a chemical imbalance in their brains. It's because they're in a cage all day.

People are depressed because shit is depressing. Call me crazy but if your job sucks and your relationships suck and your life is a bowl of cold oatmeal then depression is the appropriate reaction to those circumstances. If the state of affairs in the world doesn't get you down sometimes then you have no soul.

Not to mention drugs tend to undermine a person's confidence in themselves and their own abilities because they haven't pulled themselves out by their own means. They become dependent on a pill or on a doctor because they never learned how to resolve the psychological problems out of their own understanding and self-knowledge. You kill people's belief in themselves if you convince them that drugs are the solution to their psychological problems.

Marie Louise von Franz says of these drugs,
"Yes, certainly, but that is not sanity; that is this kind of persona existence, like a whitened tomb, which simply enables people to be less disagreeable socially. Their behaviour is more tolerable, but except for that nothing has changed and they are just as mad as before. I have heard the confession of such a person. She had been changed into such a white persona, but later when her madness came back, and with it her better part, she said, “I was mad all the time. It was only covered up. I had a pseudo-adapted behaviour.” That is not a cure; it is only beating people into socially adapted behaviour, so that they may be less disturbing, which is naturally useful for the doctor. It is really a self-defense mechanism of the doctor’s."


There's no doubt in my mind that physicians of the future will look back and see today's widespread use of anti-depressants as chemical barbarism perpetrated on an unsuspecting public by shallow-pated materialists. They'll look at it the way we look at frontal lobotomies and electro-shock therapy.
 

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Thats not what I meant. You have a lot of control over your life, over what you achieve and what you do. You also have control over your philosophy and attitude.

But mood and happiness? That's to a large degree up to biological processes out side of your control. This is why people can get everything they want and still feel miserable. But such has been fixed by medicine. If your brain chemistry is making you miserable science can fix it. And in this way you have some control.

Unhappiness can be more than a state of being it can be a sympton of an illness.
I agree with everything you stated in your post. It would be great if more people were open to understanding that most moods are based on brain chemistry. We can change our environment but overall a person's feelings of psychological well-being is already built into their mind. This is why more people need to seek out psychiatric evaluations rather than simply relying on changing what is going on around them.

The way I see it, it's like this. If a person can inherit genes that cause breast cancer or colon cancer (which is known now is very much based on heredity)...then a person can also inherit a tendency to be depressed, schizophrenic, and so on. And we do know...yes, one could get cancer and then eat healthy and feel better to a certain point/extent...but with the invention of so many helpful medications and technology for cancer why would we not want to receive this help? In the same light, with the invention of so many helpful medications for depression why would we not want to receive this help?

My thoughts are that mental illness still has a stigma attached to it. This is so unfortunate...because it causes people to not seek out help for something that could be the remedy for a condition. When one begins to understand there are some things they cannot control (such as brain chemistry) and some things that they do have control over (such as exercise, healthy support network, and eating well) the better we can work toward happiness.
 

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Remember when there were physicians who considered a slave mentally ill if he wanted to escape?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drapetomania

I think the slaves probably just had a neurotransmitter imbalance they inherited from their parents. If only they had the scientific wonder-medicines of today they could've cured all those slaves and made them happy!

Their depression had nothing at all to do with the environment in which they lived. It was just that their serotonin was all out of wack (because of genetics).
 

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Hi there,
I was wondering do any other INFJs here always feel fine to unhappy on a spectrum of happiness? I'm asking because I seem never to feel happy. I'm in a good place in life and yet I don't feel the zest. I range from emotionally numb to unhappy. I don't want to put this down to a pathological issue (it may be, but I'm writing in this forum for a reason), so I'm wondering if this may have something to do with type. Does anyone else experience this?
It's most likely your 4 wing. That's the brooding trait. It is down to brain chemistry like someone said earlier, correct, but chemistry is influenced by thought and thought by chemistry. So, you could have been some airhead that finds happiness in something superficial, but I think that you're more the type to ask the though questions. It's all right to feel anxious. You just need to discover what makes you happy in a permanent state. For me, it's a happy relationship, the truth and love, those make me happy and keep me happy. Could be art for you. Could be love. First step is knowing what works for you.
 

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I’ve definitely been there, more often than not.Here’s what I’ve found:

Seeking happiness hasn’t left me happy.Personally I feel the best all around when I’m able to experience the entire array of emotions that life has to offer, not just the favorite, ‘happy’. http://www.psychpage.com/learning/library/assess/feelings.html

Also, comparing myself with others always does me in. Here’s why: society loves bubbly sociable talkative energetic people.That’s rarely me. I seek to appreciate my gentle, quiet, calm self, as that is who I mostly am. Good luck.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Hmmm, I see, I see. Well, thank you for all your responses. I do love this forum!

I am personally opposed to psychiatry and I agree that drugging people up the way they do is criminal on a mass-scale, particularly since psychiatry as such is not as scientifically justified as people like to think. For me, then, that's out of the question (unless, of course, there comes a time I can't deal, in which case it would be most logical to go down that route), but I am still open to other psychological techniques - once I can just make time for them!

I am very introverted. For an INFJ I am actually really introverted. I'm approaching my mid-twenties and I can't claim that I've really grown out of it (the shyness, though I know the two aren't necessarily mutually inclusive). It is possible I just need to learn some more social skills to enable me to deal with the external world a bit better. Despite my Fe I don't think I ever really got the hang of this. I do concern myself with the tougher questions in life (a lot! - I'm a humanities student), so it's possible that that in combination with the shyness makes me spin around in myself and not take things in properly, or experience the world in its fullest (inferior Se, the joys!). That's how I see it in terms of MBTI, anyway, and I think this is what my functions do to me - it's helping me to understand what's going on, on some level, at least.

I am hoping to bond with someone, like a cheery ENFP fella, maybe. I imagine that would cure me of all my woes! Ha, ha, ha!
I do seem to have chosen meaning over happiness, when it's not always the case that the two come together. There is an existential tone to my cry!
I do try to make others happy and I am also very grateful for what I have in life. I take time to reflect on this everyday. The things I do to improve my life are precisely what make my life good, but they don't make me feel good, which is the problem. The only thing I can really pinpoint that has an effect on my mood is stress. My life can be a bit stressful at times, but I actually see that as a good thing too (I like that I'm busy - that my life needs me and my awesome skills!), even though the pressure does affect me negatively. Where this really comes from, I don't really know. It could be, again, the lack of extroversion, or competency in that area. In any case, it all seems very strange, I must say.

@DiscoveringZeke Love and peace to you. <3
 
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