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Hi all! :) Just a wee thought I've had recently

I got my AS results recently and they were good. Very good in fact. I don't want to go into it here for reasons and I shall now lay out, but if you must now post on my wall or something.

Initially, I was overjoyed with my acheivement, as I am with most of my acheivements but when I told people I saw the way that it debased their happiness with their own results or compounded their sadness at their poor results. They then began to judge me based on a subconscious jealousy or awe or whatever... either way they didn't really think of me, just a caricature they made based on two numbers which were high. Making people sad and causing them to judge me inauthentically.... me no likey.

Now I do my best to downplay my marks. Looking through the past, I have often tried to downplay my acheivements pretty soon afterwards because of this.

And I don't even work that hard; there's people that work so much more than me and they miss their targets while I sit pretty on great marks. The world aint fair.

So; anyone else here get guilt from acheiving?

Cheers :)
 

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but when I told people I saw the way that it debased their happiness with their own results or compounded their sadness at their poor results. They then began to judge me based on a subconscious jealousy or awe or whatever...
I don't think the issue is your achievement. It's this interpretation of other people's behavior. How do you know that this interpretation is correct?
 

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Hi all! :) Just a wee thought I've had recently

I got my AS results recently and they were good. Very good in fact. I don't want to go into it here for reasons and I shall now lay out, but if you must now post on my wall or something.

Initially, I was overjoyed with my acheivement, as I am with most of my acheivements but when I told people I saw the way that it debased their happiness with their own results or compounded their sadness at their poor results. They then began to judge me based on a subconscious jealousy or awe or whatever... either way they didn't really think of me, just a caricature they made based on two numbers which were high. Making people sad and causing them to judge me inauthentically.... me no likey.

Now I do my best to downplay my marks. Looking through the past, I have often tried to downplay my acheivements pretty soon afterwards because of this.

And I don't even work that hard; there's people that work so much more than me and they miss their targets while I sit pretty on great marks. The world aint fair.

So; anyone else here get guilt from acheiving?

Cheers :)
I can relate to that, I am more comfortable getting bad marks and making fun of them XD. I like to see others happy, blah blah, non-sense but it's how I feel.
 

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I can totally relate.

I'm a huge procrastinator, and I study/do homework last minute. I don't feel like I put as much effort into my studies as everyone else, but I still get high marks. I feel bad about it too.

My psychologist told me I'm full of negative thinking patterns. :|
 

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No, never.
I'm used to being top, I won't feel guilty about it, at least in the top few. It's ridiculous what teachers praise you for. Just to do with what books I read as a kid, and my parents having a horror of babying me, that kind of thing, rather than my being specially clever.
Yeah, I've tried to hide it lots of times and I yawn every time I step into a classroom, but otherwise who cares. I got nice AS grades last summer, and I think my dad was pretty unhappy about that...because I didn't work, and he'd rather I'd earnt them, all his huge fusses and explanations down the drain without effect.
But I know the As don't mean much, they hardly measure anything! A*s this summer would be nice (and believe me- my parents will be pretty sulky/angry if I don't get at least one....at the beginning of the year they were all "There is No Reason at all you should not get 3 of them! 3, I say!"...we've reached a compromise), but I wouldn't feel proud of them, god no.

Of course after that bit of boasting I will get Bs instead. Yes, it'll work out that way...
 

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I usually downplay my marks too, but in my graduating class they were already kinda used to it.

But I think that's the explanation behind modesty.
 

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Eh, I'm no genius (faaaaaaaaar from it. Smart maybe, but not gifted), but I take pride in doing better than the "grinders" (people who have to study their asses off to get anything done) based solely on my natural intelligence. The grinders will in all likelihood surpass me later in life, so I enjoy my little victories while I can haha.

That sounds petty, doesn't it.
 

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I think when you put it in perspective...

None of your peers will stay with you for the rest of your life. Perhaps a few will remain close friends but that's not guaranteed either. Who cares what they think, as long as you love yourself for who you are, and not be embarrassed about it. It's an unnecessary burden and one that frankly speaking, is utterly pointless.

True friends will always celebrate your success, even at the cost of their own.
 

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I tend not to talk about my "achievements" or successes. Throughout high school and even now in university, people constantly compare marks, which is something I've never quite been able to understand. (I suppose it's some form of social referencing. I just think the best thing is to try your best at all times and set your own standards for yourself, maybe looking at where you rank compared to more general averages, without worrying about "beating" any individuals in particular or checking to see which of your acquaintances are all supposedly smarter than you, or whatever that kind of information apparently communicates to people who ask.)

I do identify with your guilt in the sense that I, too, have experienced situations in which I may not have worked very hard on a particular assignment or in an entire class, even, and was able to do relatively well in it, whereas another person may have studied relentlessly, barely come out of the course alive, and been content with "only" a passing mark (something which would bother me quite a bit).

It's certainly not "fair." However, the way I view it is that intelligence and/or academic success are like any other genetically inherited trait. Some people are more physically attractive than others. Some people are taller. Some people excel in certain sports. If you are intelligent or, at least, book smart, the best you can do is make the most of the opportunities afforded to you and not take any of it for granted, potentially even aim to figure out a way to use your particular advantage for the benefit of others. And you shouldn't feel ashamed or be discouraged from feeling proud of the work you've done.

At the same time, maybe you don't have to bring up grades or any of that stuff in conversations and can let those be personal victories. If others ask about scores and things like that and it bothers you, you can try brushing questions aside with something like, "Yeah, I did pretty okay/did better than I expected/found it less difficult than I thought it would be/etc." and casually change the subject. Something like that will at least indicate without necessitating from you a direct statement that you don't really want to talk about it in detail (while still giving them a vague but polite idea of the kind of information they were trying to get out of you). Most people will actually leave you alone after that, from my experience.
 

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I would be more sensitive and compassionate. Share the joy with close families cos they have stronger links with you right now. Nobody likes to have salt poured onto their wounds as soon as something bad happened unless they have your implicit trust. In which case, you would know if they can handle your truthful words or not etc. Even with close friends who told me that they were jealous of me was after they reflected and that moment past. Raw emotions are hard to deal with.

Even now, I can see the raw emotions from those colleagues who are leaving this new company I just joined. The sadness in their eyes are pretty high. I think this is whereby as INFP, we can indeed say something which lifts their moods up. Cos you recognise this emotion so easily. It is not necessarily that they want to praise you, or can be positive for you, but it goes both ways. I praised the lady who is leaving cos she seemed unsure, but her work is absolutely spot on. I say this truthful things to her. She also, did kindly was supportive and said something like "this is indeed a good company to work for". People can only reach these kind of level of kindness towards each other if they have been through similar situation and can handle it themselves. Be patient I guess. Cos if you wanted something and you did not reach it, it is prettty pretty hard to say to someone else "well done". They have to be in a really really centred and happy place, but most people just go up and down too....

Be proud of your own results. You do not need others to tell you that. You can still feel happy with what you have achieved ! :)
 

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I try not to tell people how I do in things because I always feel guilty if I've done better and I never know what to say.
It also affects anything competitive that I do because I never really try hard because I know I'll feel bad if I do better than someone.
 

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the clarinet player next to me in band keeps telling me how good i am (even i agree that i play well) and i always feel... i don't know... its not guilt, but it doesn't feel good either. it doesn't even make sense, she's a chair above me, so why am i the one who feels uncomfortable?
i've kinda learned that i really DO like to excel at things and part of me loves being acknowledged for it, yet at the same time once i actually do get the attention and recognition, it doesn't make me feel good at all. then i feel like a show-off :sad:
 
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