[chaosome]

do you ever feel like you're a fake, illusory version your ideal self?

some stuff has recently happened in my life that has got me in a pretty reflective, depressed mood, and i can't help but feel like i'm currently missing everything that makes me 'me'. i go through the same motions but am only half present for my reality. it's almost sounds like typical depression related stuff, but i have this bad feeling as if i'm waking up into a world where i no longer know myself or the world.

it's not that i think i've been lying to myself or think i won't snap out of this eventually, but it's like i can't do ANYTHING without completely over-analyzing it. asking questions like 'is this really me?', 'is this really how i am?', 'is what i just said really what i meant?', etc. etc.. i usually love how well i can listen to people with an open mind and open ears, but i find myself so locked up in my head lately.

i haven't been around good friends lately who get me and i think that is part of it. when stuff i do and say continually gets taken the wrong way i almost start to believe that everyone else has a better idea of my words and actions than i do, rather than stay confident in myself and let them eventually see their misconceptions.

perhaps it stems down to low self confidence right now, mixed with some stress and deep introspection. hopefully i'll bounce back and be more confident than ever once something clicks inside my head, but for now it's frustrating and affecting my relationships.

anyone else ever feel this way or have any advice on what to do about it?

 

[Seraphina]

Sounds like you're second guessing yourself. You know who you are - just stick with that. Remember we're all learning and "deep introspection" is simply a sign that you've learned something new and you're processing it.
On a lighter note: chocolate helps a lot!

 

[vel]

I think it is just general human condition to think "who am I really" so it is not just you, everyone does it to some extent - but this is overamplified in INFJs. We are preoccupied with finding meaning in everything around us, especially human existence, and especially our own person more so than people of other personality preferences. In past when I had some guys confess to me that they like me, one of my first thoughts was "is it really me that they like or just this version of me that I have been presenting". Then it leads to feeling of being a fake, sort of like an actor acting a particular play out on a stage. Come another play and you'll be acting out another role yet again. So then how can people really like you if they don't know you? If you don't know yourself?

Way I get around this is first of all by focusing on the moment and sensory stuff. Second thing - instead of overanalyzing the situation, focusing on the future possibilities. First method drowns out the workings of intuition. Sensory and intuitive functions cannot work at the same time in your head. Second method simply extraverts the overactive introverted intuition. So instead of overanalyzing who I am, my imagination of what can be done in future flourishes. I basically assume ENFP/ENTP-like personality qualities - if you have ever interacted with either type within a relationship, at the beginning they imagine all kinds of rosy future possibilities. Either way dampens my Ni doing crazy stuff to my sense of myself.

Being around other people and taking trips certainly helps to reconnect one better to oneself and world around, as least for me.

 

[chaosome]

good advice vel, thanks.

i'm just dealing with the ending of a relationship in which we're both INFJs and possibly failed to see reality in many parts of the relationship. on one hand i keep getting memory flashes followed by Ni finding some new meaning to it, but on the other hand i realize these moments are over, were what they were, and i just go on and accept them. despite the feeling inside that if i just find the right connection this whole experience will make sense, i know there are far too many factors to accurately weigh any situation, not to mention one i can't even remember all the details to. i think i'm just feeding Ni while ignoring some of my other functions, but i'm slowly getting out of this. crazy what the mind can do if you really want to believe something. i could find an elephant in my drinking cup if i hoped hard enough.

i've been slowly feeling the confidence come back in certain aspects of me, which is a nice feeling. thinking of the future definitely helps, though my future suddenly looks drastically different. in some ways this is better because i can now start to dream of what only i want and not have to factor in another, which opens up a new world of possibility.

i wish i didn't have to ignore the part of me that believes she still might be the one, but even if she is, i need to come back to reality to look at her and myself realistically. i believe all the experiences i went through were real because we both went through them, but there's something to be said for NF's abilities to live in a shared imagination for a while.

 

[Pacifique]

i think when one figures out the way to capture the emotions one feels from imaginations and make that pusuable in physical format that's when dream comes true to a certain degree.
and to do that without distortion / noise, to stay in touch with your true self it is important to have discreet relationship with people because 99% of people will distort the picture. but if one routines and manage things right and really carefully allow 1% in and very interesting things can happen i think!

stay true to yourself and i hope and i know you will be able to live that true version of yourself. it is just under the surface and when the time is right when the elements are right, and when you gain more tactics i think it will shine out :] the authentic self

 

[catherinemules]

I constantly suffer from this problem, and it can get SO frustrating. It's like I am trapped in a constant cycle of misery because I WANT to be content and happy... But after I do have moments of happiness with friends etc I go home and feel like a complete fraud. I am constantly striving to be living in some- any- kind of TRUTH where I can really be me (whoever that is) which has thus far been impossible.

 

[Runescribe]

Fake people are usually not troubled by their fakeness.

If you were fake, you wouldn't be worried about being fake.

 

[curious0610]

Hi chaosome. I relate to what you are going through. About your ex, I relate to that. In fact, I started two threads on this recently - one about INFJs and Exes; the other one is a more specific question about my ex. I know what you mean about how you don't want to have to "ignore the part of (you) that believes she still might be the one." I think I am struggling with this, too -- torn between the decision of the relationship having ended and the idea that this person possibly might be the one.

I relate to feeling like a fake version. I think it stems from the fact t hat I've been second guessing myself a lot lately and losing confidence in my decisions (not just in one thing, but in everything). Sometimes I'm around people, and I laugh at a joke or something funny, but then I get a sinking feeling in my stomach and I feel "this is not me." Or sometimes, I find myself hanging out with old friends, doing something, and I wonder, "Is this who I am? is this what I come down to?" and I get that sinking feeling again. There's a lot going on in my life right now though, so I'm waiting to get through the tough times and hoping that things will be clearer in hindsight.

 

[OldManRivers]

I wish my memory wasn't so full of gaps - I have close to 50 years on most of you and these feelings have been constant companions.
M.Scott Peck starts the book "the road less traveled" with 'Life is difficult.' he then explains that once that is accepted, it is no longer difficult. It is just life. But try as I might, that does not cut it.
I have recently lost what passes for a friend with me. Not by death, but disinterest. And it still hurts.
Y'all find the answer. I never did.

 

[Seraphina]

Life can be very difficult. I've had trouble with friendships all of my adult life. My perception is that most people just don't value friendship the way INFJs do. Choose carefully those you allow into your inner circle, and understand that even those people will sometimes behave callously. I would advise you to find some INFJ forums and develop some friendships there, and to seek out people whose MBT personality is more compatible with INFJ. I personally love geeks and engineers. I wish you well.