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feeling like a fake version of yourself

3199 Views 9 Replies 8 Participants Last post by  Seraphina
do you ever feel like you're a fake, illusory version your ideal self?

some stuff has recently happened in my life that has got me in a pretty reflective, depressed mood, and i can't help but feel like i'm currently missing everything that makes me 'me'. i go through the same motions but am only half present for my reality. it's almost sounds like typical depression related stuff, but i have this bad feeling as if i'm waking up into a world where i no longer know myself or the world.

it's not that i think i've been lying to myself or think i won't snap out of this eventually, but it's like i can't do ANYTHING without completely over-analyzing it. asking questions like 'is this really me?', 'is this really how i am?', 'is what i just said really what i meant?', etc. etc.. i usually love how well i can listen to people with an open mind and open ears, but i find myself so locked up in my head lately.

i haven't been around good friends lately who get me and i think that is part of it. when stuff i do and say continually gets taken the wrong way i almost start to believe that everyone else has a better idea of my words and actions than i do, rather than stay confident in myself and let them eventually see their misconceptions.

perhaps it stems down to low self confidence right now, mixed with some stress and deep introspection. hopefully i'll bounce back and be more confident than ever once something clicks inside my head, but for now it's frustrating and affecting my relationships.

anyone else ever feel this way or have any advice on what to do about it?
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good advice vel, thanks.

i'm just dealing with the ending of a relationship in which we're both INFJs and possibly failed to see reality in many parts of the relationship. on one hand i keep getting memory flashes followed by Ni finding some new meaning to it, but on the other hand i realize these moments are over, were what they were, and i just go on and accept them. despite the feeling inside that if i just find the right connection this whole experience will make sense, i know there are far too many factors to accurately weigh any situation, not to mention one i can't even remember all the details to. i think i'm just feeding Ni while ignoring some of my other functions, but i'm slowly getting out of this. crazy what the mind can do if you really want to believe something. i could find an elephant in my drinking cup if i hoped hard enough.

i've been slowly feeling the confidence come back in certain aspects of me, which is a nice feeling. thinking of the future definitely helps, though my future suddenly looks drastically different. in some ways this is better because i can now start to dream of what only i want and not have to factor in another, which opens up a new world of possibility.

i wish i didn't have to ignore the part of me that believes she still might be the one, but even if she is, i need to come back to reality to look at her and myself realistically. i believe all the experiences i went through were real because we both went through them, but there's something to be said for NF's abilities to live in a shared imagination for a while.
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