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feeling like a fake version of yourself

3197 Views 9 Replies 8 Participants Last post by  Seraphina
do you ever feel like you're a fake, illusory version your ideal self?

some stuff has recently happened in my life that has got me in a pretty reflective, depressed mood, and i can't help but feel like i'm currently missing everything that makes me 'me'. i go through the same motions but am only half present for my reality. it's almost sounds like typical depression related stuff, but i have this bad feeling as if i'm waking up into a world where i no longer know myself or the world.

it's not that i think i've been lying to myself or think i won't snap out of this eventually, but it's like i can't do ANYTHING without completely over-analyzing it. asking questions like 'is this really me?', 'is this really how i am?', 'is what i just said really what i meant?', etc. etc.. i usually love how well i can listen to people with an open mind and open ears, but i find myself so locked up in my head lately.

i haven't been around good friends lately who get me and i think that is part of it. when stuff i do and say continually gets taken the wrong way i almost start to believe that everyone else has a better idea of my words and actions than i do, rather than stay confident in myself and let them eventually see their misconceptions.

perhaps it stems down to low self confidence right now, mixed with some stress and deep introspection. hopefully i'll bounce back and be more confident than ever once something clicks inside my head, but for now it's frustrating and affecting my relationships.

anyone else ever feel this way or have any advice on what to do about it?
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I think it is just general human condition to think "who am I really" so it is not just you, everyone does it to some extent - but this is overamplified in INFJs. We are preoccupied with finding meaning in everything around us, especially human existence, and especially our own person more so than people of other personality preferences. In past when I had some guys confess to me that they like me, one of my first thoughts was "is it really me that they like or just this version of me that I have been presenting". Then it leads to feeling of being a fake, sort of like an actor acting a particular play out on a stage. Come another play and you'll be acting out another role yet again. So then how can people really like you if they don't know you? If you don't know yourself?

Way I get around this is first of all by focusing on the moment and sensory stuff. Second thing - instead of overanalyzing the situation, focusing on the future possibilities. First method drowns out the workings of intuition. Sensory and intuitive functions cannot work at the same time in your head. Second method simply extraverts the overactive introverted intuition. So instead of overanalyzing who I am, my imagination of what can be done in future flourishes. I basically assume ENFP/ENTP-like personality qualities - if you have ever interacted with either type within a relationship, at the beginning they imagine all kinds of rosy future possibilities. Either way dampens my Ni doing crazy stuff to my sense of myself.

Being around other people and taking trips certainly helps to reconnect one better to oneself and world around, as least for me.
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