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Hi guys

So last summer, when I was 20 I met who is now my first boyfriend (I'm gay). He's extremely kind and smart and funny, and all that good stuff. We are very close and we have every intention of keeping the relationship going.

I've had very bad self esteem issues for many years, and as a result, I often feel inferior to him. His mom has flown over to our city for the first time and its a little bit uncomfortable being with them, due to the fact that I don't feel I am enough.
She brings over photos of him when he was younger, posing beside a nice car he owned at a young age, airplanes that he's flown, their big beautiful house. He's also extremely attractive and is a fighter pilot and seeking to become an astronaut. I could go on...
It feels a little bit unbelievable sometimes.
We're going out on trips to fancy restaurants and hotels and he's going to pay for me to fly to his home with him for a vacation soon.
It sounds wonderful but I've been finding it very hard to enjoy.
His background and life just feel so separate from mine.
It's so difficult not to compare what he's had to what I've had, and what he is to what I am.
I just met his mom for the first time and I'm just about to leave on a trip with them. She's wonderfully sweet but I'm so worried that she thinks I'm not enough for her son.
At times I feel like I'm being uplifted into a higher way of living and am developing higher self esteem, but the majority of the time I feel completely inadequate in terms of everything!
Of course my wealth and success are not why he's in a relationship with me and I realize that.
It just almost makes my stomach turn to see his living conditions when he was younger and compare them to mine. It makes me feel messed up. I've been obsessively scrutinizing every part of my life, self and body in comparison to his and it is incredibly painful.

If you have any advice please send it my way
 

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The perception of them seeming to have it all, needing no one, 'living the dream' (whatever that is) seems flawed as if you fear that they will unmask you as a fraud or unworthy of their attention.
You seem to alluding to coming from a less well off tougher background with few things being so easily to achieve... At 20 few would expect you to have a jetset career, quick success or even a full career plan, what many prefer to see is passion, ambition and maturity enough to know you don't need to have all the answers but are committed to self development.

Doubt and underconfidence is normal, using my studies as an example I know that coursework essay writing is something I can excel at, yet at times it is easy to assume others must know more about exam writing and know something I don't since I have far less experience writing in exams than most (even though I know I am capable of completing this second degree). In reality we as people can't know if others too have blindspots and challenges that we don't until we dare to be vulnerable enough to ask.
 

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Hi guys

So last summer, when I was 20 I met who is now my first boyfriend (I'm gay). He's extremely kind and smart and funny, and all that good stuff. We are very close and we have every intention of keeping the relationship going.

I've had very bad self esteem issues for many years, and as a result, I often feel inferior to him. His mom has flown over to our city for the first time and its a little bit uncomfortable being with them, due to the fact that I don't feel I am enough.
She brings over photos of him when he was younger, posing beside a nice car he owned at a young age, airplanes that he's flown, their big beautiful house. He's also extremely attractive and is a fighter pilot and seeking to become an astronaut. I could go on...
It feels a little bit unbelievable sometimes.
We're going out on trips to fancy restaurants and hotels and he's going to pay for me to fly to his home with him for a vacation soon.
It sounds wonderful but I've been finding it very hard to enjoy.
His background and life just feel so separate from mine.
It's so difficult not to compare what he's had to what I've had, and what he is to what I am.
I just met his mom for the first time and I'm just about to leave on a trip with them. She's wonderfully sweet but I'm so worried that she thinks I'm not enough for her son.
At times I feel like I'm being uplifted into a higher way of living and am developing higher self esteem, but the majority of the time I feel completely inadequate in terms of everything!
Of course my wealth and success are not why he's in a relationship with me and I realize that.
It just almost makes my stomach turn to see his living conditions when he was younger and compare them to mine. It makes me feel messed up. I've been obsessively scrutinizing every part of my life, self and body in comparison to his and it is incredibly painful.

If you have any advice please send it my way
Hello.

Another gay guy here. May i ask you how old your bf is ?
I have to say that i do understand exactly how you feel . Situation that you described is very familiar to me.
Anyhow, i would like to say two things. If you truly love this man, do not sabotage your relationship as you might regret it later on. Just be fortunate enough that you have found someone who values you as a person. It is a very rare thing nowadays.
Second thing i would like to mention is , i think it is important to have a personal goals and work towards them. You mentioned your bf wants to be an astronaut. That's great but you need to find your own purpose in this life and go for it.
As long as you are have that something that you are working towards , all these things that you mentioned , that make you uneasy. They will disappear.
-Ob.
 

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Is your boyfriend or his mother making you feel inadequate in some way about this? Because he's probably more excited about you more than anything, and his mom seems just as thrilled. Maybe he sees it as his gift to you. Some people get pleasure from treating others, because what they love most is the company; everything else might be an afterthought or non-thought. Besides, fortunes change, and there will come a time when you can treat him.

Have you tried talking about this with your boyfriend? Maybe talking it out, letting him know how you're feeling would help, because from the sounds of it you're being much too hard on yourself. I know that knowing whatever about someone's background in the way that you're imagining would never influence my feelings about that person. I'd appreciate knowing about it, because I want know about people I care for, but the details don't matter beyond that. It's like, 'Oh cool, more details to love and appreciate.'
 

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It sounds wonderful but I've been finding it very hard to enjoy.
His background and life just feel so separate from mine.
It's so difficult not to compare what he's had to what I've had, and what he is to what I am.
I just met his mom for the first time and I'm just about to leave on a trip with them. She's wonderfully sweet but I'm so worried that she thinks I'm not enough for her son.
At times I feel like I'm being uplifted into a higher way of living and am developing higher self esteem, but the majority of the time I feel completely inadequate in terms of everything!
Of course my wealth and success are not why he's in a relationship with me and I realize that.
It just almost makes my stomach turn to see his living conditions when he was younger and compare them to mine. It makes me feel messed up. I've been obsessively scrutinizing every part of my life, self and body in comparison to his and it is incredibly painful.

If you have any advice please send it my way
The obvious piece of advice is to not get caught up in any of the perks you receive. Always keep working on yourself and your own goals so that you can be happy about those things regardless of what your partner achieves in life.

As others mentioned, you should definitely let your BF know about the insecurity you have with the different conditions the two of you have grown up in. Make sure not to frame it like you're blaming him for anything, just that you honestly don't want him to feel as though you're trying to take advantage of him because of that and if he feels that way, he can also come to talk to you openly and honestly as well.

For all the insecurities you have about this portion of the relationship, remember that he's with you and has been with you for quite some time knowing these things.

So, what does that say about you other then that you must be all kinds of awesome, and he appreciates you.
 

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As @BenevolentBitterBleeding said, he is with you. If he is with you then it's coz he loves who you are despite background differences.
And as @_Observer_ said, having someone that values us (and loves us for who we are) is very rare and precious so don't self sabotage it for doubting it when your bf and his mom seems happy with you.

Imagine what he feels in his perspective. If you are the one who has it all, and your bf have it less, would you bother about it or would you just want to be happy by his side? Sometimes we worry too much and are our own harshest critics, when the other person are fine with us.

Also, so what if he has it all? People are different and has their own ways to be. You don't need to be equally big achiever, you just need to, like him, be happy with your life choices. It's fine to not achieve crazy things. It's fine to have a simple job, normal hobbies and not be rich. As long as that life makes you happy and as long as you don't live your life the way others told you to, it's fine. What for some is not ideal, for others might be a great life. Definition of what a great life is varies and is subjective, so as long as you are happy with it then it's fine. :)

Stop over criticizing yourself and worrying and allow yourself to enjoy this precious relationship. This way your bf will also enjoy this relationship.
 
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