[curious0610]

*disclaimer: i don't really know what the purpose of this post is (advice? similar experiences? and?), but i just want to get this off my chest.

I feel burned out. stressed. really numb. desensitized. i feel disconnected from the life as i know it, and i feel incapable of "loving" someone, whether it is a friend or a lover. i feel like in order for me to survive, i need to continue to hold myself back, remain reserved and guarded, but at the same time, i feel like i want to feel. but i feel like i can't. maybe i just need something to cheer me up, like a good comedy. but i dont feel like laughing right now? idk, what do you guys do when you feel this way. i feel numb, but i still know im alive, because i am feeling burned, numb, desensitized, lonely, overwhelmed. logically, these thoughts are coming from nowhere so therefore i must be feeling.

 

[Achi]

Suck on slices of frozen banana, it helps temporarily, seriously I found it out the other day when I was depressed for no particular reason.

Another way to cheer yourself up is to do something you've never done before. When you complete it you can't fight having a sense of accomplishment.

But other than that I can't give much advice since I don't know what's causing you to feel that way. Not kidding about the banana.

 

[Namaste]

:sad: I get sad for you when I read some of your posts, curious. You seem to be going through some tough times right now, but keep trucking through and it will get better. As for me, well, I don't personally have the best methods for dealing with stress but it's important to make sure you have down-time and relaxation to forget about your worries for a little bit even if it is only going for a short walk around the block to clear your mind (at least that is what I do).

 

[Sunflower]

*hugs Curious*

I've been "there" for a little while now... for a combination of reasons (work, home, family, etc)...

It becomes overwhelming and confusing. I have found that the more I tried to figure out why, the further I fall into it. The darker everything gets. The harder it becomes to enjoy the things that I used to.

As I have been up and down (various lengths - including a few days, a week, a couple of minutes) I've instead started trying to find out why I was up at that point in time and what happened to make it stop, instead of trying to figure out what made me down and trying to place blame. 'Tis difficult and not always possible. I am still having trouble with it. But by finding out why I am up, I can try and make it happen again.

A hidden rainbow - no rain, just the ones that it's where the light hits the glass at the right angle - it made me smile. So I started looking out for them and "collecting" them (photos with my mobile's camera).

Dogs - I love dogs. So every time I see one I stop and watch him for a little moment. If the opportunity arises to actually get to talk to and pet him - even better.

If a bad train ride to work - the rest of the morning seems to have every little thing be negative. So instead of going straight to work, I sit out in the sun for a moment or walk around the block. Listening/singing to a few "calming" songs (usually the same one a few times). Or email a complaint email to rail company - venting my frustration (sometimes I send it, sometimes I just leave it as draft). Then, tell myself to leave the train trip on the ground floor - that after I exit the lift I won't think about it again and not let it affect my morning. I don't always think it works 100%, but I do think it helps.

Encouraging sticky notes at my desk (and also at home). Quotes, movie lines, lines of songs, etc. Sometimes I have them written in full, others only make sense to me and "outsiders" wouldn't know what it means. I have a new one to add on Monday - "LIGTTSP". Let It Go, This Too Shall Pass. [check out YouTube - OK Go - This Too Shall Pass - Rube Goldberg Machine version - Official even if it's just for the video clip!]

One time, as I was walking to the train, I smiled that the blossom tree had finally flowered. So for a week I picked one blossom every morning to hold onto... it was my secret... my soft, delicate, pale pink flower...

Find something that you really, really like - my thing is dogs and I recently found a weekend seminar on dog training... something that I've been interested in for quite a while (over 7 years). Yes I hesitated for a few weeks - yes-ing and no-ing - the cost, the travel, having to do 5 days work then 2 day seminar then 5 days work... I was pulling it to bits finding every negative thing possible... but I booked in for it and now have something to count down to, plan for, and am now actually looking forward to it. I've even booked in to have the Friday prior off from work.

Other things that I have found helps includes singing along with favourite songs (right this very second I singing Dynamite by Taio Cruze) and journaling (venting and writing exactly what I want to tell people) but keep if safely hidden.

The dark is scary, but you are definitely not alone.

*hugs Curious*

 

[Ryan]

I do agree with the previous post that finding what makes you happy and repeating it is definitely a must, its also advisable to figure out why you're depressed. If you k now why you're depressed, then you do need to focus on what makes you happy. Maybe its a hobby? Is there anything you enjoy doing? Maybe a vacation in the future? Right now my goal is a skiing vacation in the winter, and honestly, that alone is probably contributing to any bright outcome I have of the world right now. A lot can be involved in a vacation... saving money, you need a budget, where are you going to stay? Calling around, planning, etc, etc.

Another thing you might try, if you have access to a vehicle, drive somewhere nice... maybe to the ocean (Lake, river?) or some park... pack a lunch, maybe a good book, maybe an Ipod and a comfy chair... and sit. Sit and meditate. Some times we ISTJ's get overwhelmed with every day life and we NEED time to recharge... if we put that off for too long we're going to need some extra ordinary charging methods... maybe rent a Kayak? Anything that allows you "alone" time and is something far out side of your ordinary day to day life will help tremendously.

 

[Rhee]

If you feel burned out and stressed, it's a good indicator that you've probably been working too hard. Cut yourself a little slack. It's okay to go home and rest at the end of the day. There's only so much you can take on for yourself, and you shouldn't worry about things outside that boundary.

When I feel stressed out I step outside, lie down on the campus lawn and stare at the sky while sunning myself. Vitamin D production supposedly alleviates depression, and it seems to work in my case.

 

[nosilla]

So I just wrote this long post, was totally sympathizing with you, and then pressed apple+w too many times, so I lost it all.
And then I realized... that's okay (don't panic!). I can just rewrite it.

Basically what I was saying was that I was where you were a couple weeks ago (see my thread "Frustrated"). I felt stuck in a weird place, and I literally felt like I was suffocating.
But then I made that post on PerC, and I got some AMAZING responses. I still felt like crap, but the users' words of comfort and wisdom kept sneaking back into my brain. I read them over and over again in the time period of three days, and didn't even reply with a "thank you" (I apologize!), because I was just moody and blah. I felt lost and "desensitized," like you say.
I couldn't deal with myself. So I figured that something had to change- so I changed everything that I could. I drove a new route to my workplace. I drove down some streets that I had never been down before. I tried a new drink at Starbucks. I didn't talk to any of my old friends or acquaintances, and made it a rule to talk to at least one new person a day. I blasted music in my car and sang out loud and let the song speak for me. I made all sorts of little changes to my habits. And with every little potentially problematic action that I did, I realized more and more: "Hey! I CAN do this! I just DID it!"

i feel disconnected from the life as i know it, and i feel incapable of "loving" someone, whether it is a friend or a lover. i feel like in order for me to survive, i need to continue to hold myself back, remain reserved and guarded, but at the same time, i feel like i want to feel. but i feel like i can't. maybe i just need something to cheer me up, like a good comedy. but i dont feel like laughing right now?

I understand and empathize with you. I felt like I hated everyone in the world, and I consistently wondered if I could ever trust anyone ever again. But I found that sometimes the technical part that seems to be part of our hard-wiring, that part of love that tells us what our duties are and how we should best serve another person- it's not the most important thing. Connecting with other people is more important to me right now, because it lets me get back to reality, instead of being "in my head" all of the time, calculating how I can best fulfill my duty to everyone. I hadn't even realized that THAT was what I was missing all along.
Now I am trying to put more balance back into my life. I called these little episodes my "mini existential crisis"- they happen to me every two months or so. This most recent one I've been more open to change, instead of my usual method of ignoring it and pushing though it with keeping myself super busy. I have, in a way, come back to my "reserved and guarded" ways, but that is just as you said- in order for me to survive. But my point is that I'm finally coming to this point where I am not just reverting back to the original model- I am changing one thing at a time, hoping that maybe I will be happier in my life and limit the amount of "mini existential crisis"- episodes I seem to go through.

 

[cursivelogic]

idk, what do you guys do when you feel this way.

I think I've had a similar experience. For me stress is usually the catalyst, and it's characterized by complete apathy and the overwhelming urge to blindly seek sensations. The underlying emotions are rage and anguish, blunted with exhaustion.

The best way for me to deal with it is to make time to be completely alone, listen to appropriate music, and to allow myself to shut off. At the same time I have responsibilities to meet - total withdrawal just creates more problems.

Listening/singing to a few "calming" songs (usually the same one a few times).

This is my cure-all! When I'm recuperating from this state, my best songs are The Atheist Christmas Carol, My Medea, Shine and Feather Moon (Vienna Teng - Warm Strangers). When I have to interact with the world, it's easier to brave it with songs like It's All Over, Riot, Let It Die and One-X (Three Days Grace - One-X).

 

[Sunflower]

Another "time out" thing that was really good for me was cooking. Not dinner though - biscuits or cakes or muffins. I spent over 1 hour icing and decorating a plain packet of biscuits - sprinkles, coloured sugar, etc. So childlike, I know, but for that one hour I was so engrossed in decorating that I lost track of time and didn't think about anything else.

If you're artistic - painting or clay work might be good too - don't try and make anything though, just paint/create what you feel at the time.

Also, try to make sure you eat properly - although at the moment this is a case of do as I say, not as I do... :blushed:

 

[Sela]

idk, what do you guys do when you feel this way

... concentrate on what I have to get done. I get a sense of accomplishment from finishing these things. It doesn't matter if anyone else thinks they're important or not. *I* can cross them off my list.

Also for me, listening to music, randomly surfing the internet, watching stand-up comedy.

 

[kittychris07]

I guess you may need to make sure there is a divide between your personal life and your work life. The one time I got really stressed out to the point of burning out and feeling desensitized was when I let work take over who I was as a person. I felt like my identity was tied with my work life and my school life, and so problems that I was dealing with at the time related to school and work were all taken personally. Some of the things were beyond my control, but I internalized the pain and that made everything a lot worse.

So I guess make sure you have some time to hang out with your friends who care about you. I know this can be hard, but let them know if there are any major problems you are having. They should be more than happy to help you. Don't try to hold in all the negative feelings because they need to be discussed.

If you are depressed (I don't know what to say but those feelings sound pretty bad from your post), then perhaps talking to a counselor might help. I don't know if you could set up an appointment immediately though.

The other tips that the people above me have posted are pretty legitimate.

I don't know if you have any energy, but you could try something new that ill take your mind off the stress. Not like a solitary walk--there is too much time to think dark thoughts in a solitary walk, but maybe some really hard exercise or taking up a hobby or something of that sort could help.

I wish you the best of luck! Let us know if you need anything.

 

[niss]

I guess you may need to make sure there is a divide between your personal life and your work life. The one time I got really stressed out to the point of burning out and feeling desensitized was when I let work take over who I was as a person. I felt like my identity was tied with my work life and my school life, and so problems that I was dealing with at the time related to school and work were all taken personally. Some of the things were beyond my control, but I internalized the pain and that made everything a lot worse.

That's a really good point. A sure way to increase my stress level is when I allow mingling of work and activities outside of work.

 

[curious0610]

thanks guys again. yes it probably has to do with work. it is taking over my life, at least for the next few weeks and there are no lines. also, i guess i used the word depressed interchangeably with feeling numb. when i don't feel emotions, it's frustrating. i'm not feeling "depressed" in the sense of feeling worthless, classical definition in that sense of the depression, but ya. work is overwhelming. i am pretty burned out and just need some long time to myself, but that wont be for a while. i'll do things like taking a walk and other "time out " things