it's oh so true, and not even that difficult to explain, i think.
see, we're dominant Fe, meaning, extraverted feeling. That means, we kind of, well, "feel" the people around us - we analyse their emotional state and we mostly see what affects the others' emotions, their moods, whatnot - and that, in turn, affects us. So, our feeling responsible about others' feelings is as much selfish as selfless: we genuinely want others to feel as good as they can, firstly, because that's what everyone would want for themselves, secondly, because we feel better too, when the emotional atmosphere around us is positive. that's why we kind of take up the task of keeping everyone, well, happy, if possible. of course, the degree to which this manifests varies between enfjs, some can feel guilty about others being sad, even when the enfj himself has had no real effect in this emotion (so the guilt is based on "i did not make the other person happy, oh, i'm such a mean bastard" feeling(and it's sincere in such cases, seriously!)), whereas the more healthy enfjs are just concerned with not hurting others and skillfully maintaining a positive atmosphere by (usually) putting emphasis on the already existing positive aspects of situation and the future goodies to come.
but it does feel sometimes like it's my duty to keep everyone important to me smiling, or get them to smile, and i worry a lot if i'm not unintentionally hurting/annoying/[insert sth that generates negative feelings] someone. i think it's 'cause we genuinely care. mostly.
with this said, i wouldn't say this is always a thoroughly good trait. i mean, it's good to have in certain amounts, but if one indulges it too much, firstly, it drains so much enegry from you, trying to attend to every little emotional need people around you might have, secondly, it can get sooo annoying for the people whom one is trying to keep emotionally well, if the enfj does not know the limits - it can feel, well, controlling and smothering, i guess.
Agreed. I tend to take everything I do to heart. I wear my emotions on my sleeve and usually that also rubs of on other people. I try to make everyone happy but in that attempt sometimes jealousy occurs in others that they feel they don't get equal time.
I completely feel responsible for other's feelings. I find if someone is upset or unhappy that I think that I should have done more to make them not feel that way. I'm really trying hard to stop feeling SO stressed out about it because I definitely get in situations where I spread myself too thin trying to please a bunch of different people at the same time. And also, I think that some people can take advantage of that feeling of responsibility that I feel.
Exactly... I try and juggle everything. My relationships seem destined to fail because no matter
how much I scale back it's not enough. I'm not a workaholic but, I do everything I can to provide in a relationship. I can't figure how relationships can't understand that to spend money I need to make money. All my bills are on time and am very active in the community.
I find that I am highly empathetic... I am able to feel just like the person in their happiness or their sadness. It gets out of hand sometimes, especially recently at a funeral... It gets very overbearing!
It is defiantly the Fe thing.. we just feel for people and in that way we are able to help them and understand what they are going through.
Hmm. I do this a lot too, funnily enough to try to keep a peaceful house while the two ENFJs in it get on with their high-octane emoting. It is exhausting to me, possibly because Fe requires effort. There are times when I wish the ENFJs in question would think about my feelings a bit, but that's rare......:dry:
Oh, this fits me to a TEE!
I think in some cases, me feeling this way has just caused more harm than good in some of my relationships with people.
I get this way with partners, especially. If they're in a bad mood, or upset, my mind is thinking "how can I improve their mood?" or "what could I have done better?" etc etc. I think it annoys people sometimes when I ask "what can I do?" haha. I'm a lot better at realizing that everyone has "those days" and I really can't DO anything to change how they feel. Granted, there's still that inner feeling of being responsible for how they feel.
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