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Warning: This post is contemptuously long.
Lately, I feel so depressed with my struggle to get passed nursing school. Although I admit that I’m not actually struggling academically in terms of my grades, rather I’m almost crawling my way through this journey because I absolutely have no passion for this course. I’m really not motivated to carry on with this. To make matters worse for me, I feel ashamed of myself for having this deep apathy for nursing, especially that at the same I actually highly revere this very virtuous profession. I feel that if nursing had a soul, I have long been disrespecting it.
The thing is, this wasn’t actually my first choice as a career. I wanted to pursue medicine. But one day my mum and dad sat me down and, with all honesty, told me that I may not be cut out for this especially that I’m very sensitive; my mum foresaw that if I did become a doctor, the nature of the job is very strenuous and perhaps while on the job a single error in clinical decision would be enough to set me off to becoming neurotically shaken out of deep guilt. About a year passed, I realised that perhaps she was actually right.
Anyway, after countless periods of private introspecting, reflecting and researching, I have gone further with self –discovery and found that I my niche befalls in psychology. I realised that I have a growing confidence and passionate curiosity in neuropsychology, and that’s what I really want to do, and can see myself doing in the next 50 years.
Going back to the first discussion, right now I already have a lot of assignments to do that are piling up, and due dates are not far ahead. I have been having a hard time bringing myself to start working on them. Every time I do manage to grab a pen and start writing, I feel resentment looming inside me; and I feel like crying because I’m really not enjoying what I’m doing. (Then again, I try to make my assignments competent enough to gain above-mediocre marking.) Right now, what’s slightly been encouraging me to carry on is my drive to gain more knowledge for the sake of it (as it is, I’m a Type 5), and my yearning to help others (nursing does a lot of that).
My negotiation with my parents is, finish nursing and then I can pursue whatever I want. The reason why they’re pushing me into this is that they want my future to have financial security, that I have a job that I can fall back on in case my personal pursuit wouldn’t work out well. I feel bad if I don't finish nursing especially that my parents have been very supportive of me, financially (they help out with my tuition, books, etc.) and emotionally (if I feel really stressed out/depressed they look for ways to make me feel better).
I need to keep motivating myself, even in small amounts, until I reach the finish line. My question is, how? The fire that keeps my drive to finish this journey alive is slowly dying out.
I wish to hear the insights and advises from my fellow INFJ’ s here, as I trust your counsels.
And thank you very much for taking the time to read this post.
Lately, I feel so depressed with my struggle to get passed nursing school. Although I admit that I’m not actually struggling academically in terms of my grades, rather I’m almost crawling my way through this journey because I absolutely have no passion for this course. I’m really not motivated to carry on with this. To make matters worse for me, I feel ashamed of myself for having this deep apathy for nursing, especially that at the same I actually highly revere this very virtuous profession. I feel that if nursing had a soul, I have long been disrespecting it.
The thing is, this wasn’t actually my first choice as a career. I wanted to pursue medicine. But one day my mum and dad sat me down and, with all honesty, told me that I may not be cut out for this especially that I’m very sensitive; my mum foresaw that if I did become a doctor, the nature of the job is very strenuous and perhaps while on the job a single error in clinical decision would be enough to set me off to becoming neurotically shaken out of deep guilt. About a year passed, I realised that perhaps she was actually right.
Anyway, after countless periods of private introspecting, reflecting and researching, I have gone further with self –discovery and found that I my niche befalls in psychology. I realised that I have a growing confidence and passionate curiosity in neuropsychology, and that’s what I really want to do, and can see myself doing in the next 50 years.
Going back to the first discussion, right now I already have a lot of assignments to do that are piling up, and due dates are not far ahead. I have been having a hard time bringing myself to start working on them. Every time I do manage to grab a pen and start writing, I feel resentment looming inside me; and I feel like crying because I’m really not enjoying what I’m doing. (Then again, I try to make my assignments competent enough to gain above-mediocre marking.) Right now, what’s slightly been encouraging me to carry on is my drive to gain more knowledge for the sake of it (as it is, I’m a Type 5), and my yearning to help others (nursing does a lot of that).
My negotiation with my parents is, finish nursing and then I can pursue whatever I want. The reason why they’re pushing me into this is that they want my future to have financial security, that I have a job that I can fall back on in case my personal pursuit wouldn’t work out well. I feel bad if I don't finish nursing especially that my parents have been very supportive of me, financially (they help out with my tuition, books, etc.) and emotionally (if I feel really stressed out/depressed they look for ways to make me feel better).
I need to keep motivating myself, even in small amounts, until I reach the finish line. My question is, how? The fire that keeps my drive to finish this journey alive is slowly dying out.
I wish to hear the insights and advises from my fellow INFJ’ s here, as I trust your counsels.
And thank you very much for taking the time to read this post.
