Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 22 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
12 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Hey all, I know we've all heard the phrase opposites attract, does that apply to thinkers and feelers? I've had a number of relationships with thinkers recently and they all ended with me getting attached too quickly and scaring them off, directly into the hands of some casual sex rebound. Do any of you have any experience with successful T/F relationships and if so, do you have any tips for finding/maintaining one?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
344 Posts
Try to hide how attached you are? Maybe "hide" isn't the best word, but don't get too mushy until the relationship is on solid footing.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,070 Posts
Hmm, that's interesting. When you began getting too attached in the relationship, did the significant other have to pass through Fi first, and how long did it take?

I can't imagine falling for a T instantly, but now that I said it, IT WILL HAPPEN. =P
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,835 Posts
I find opposites conflict rather than attract. I read that people are attracted to people similar to themselves, even to the point of people being more attracted to people who look similar to themselves. When you see people listing what they want in a partner, similar interests is usually close to the top of the list.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
12 Posts
Discussion Starter #5
What do you mean pass through Fi?
And I wouldn't have thought I'd be attracted to a thinking-dominant type either, but my last girlfriend was definitely and ENTP, and I'm very attracted to the inspirational energy of Ne dominance. Also her eyes were breathtaking, so there's that :tongue:
But I would have trouble leaving any relationship even if it doesn't work because i tend to romanticize everything into the perfect situation.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Luke

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,070 Posts
I find opposites conflict rather than attract. I read that people are attracted to people similar to themselves, even to the point of people being more attracted to people who look similar to themselves. When you see people listing what they want in a partner, similar interests is usually close to the top of the list.
Ahaha, true. The term 'Opposites attract' is famously hyped by Hollywood and immortalized by sexual chemistry. =P

What do you mean pass through Fi?
And I wouldn't have thought I'd be attracted to a thinking-dominant type either, but my last girlfriend was definitely and ENTP, and I'm very attracted to the inspirational energy of Ne dominance. Also her eyes were breathtaking, so there's that :tongue:
But I would have trouble leaving any relationship even if it doesn't work because i tend to romanticize everything into the perfect situation.
Sorry, I meant (with the passing through Fi), How long did it take for you to be completely smitten by her? I'm just curious to see how your inner values accepted her in particular, though I think your comment about Ne dominance and breathtaking eyes answers my question. Are you very in-tune to finding romance itself, too? =)

I guess I ask that because I'm a brick-iron wall when it comes to romance; probably because I don't meet any guys that are like you level-headed INFP dudes. ;3

But anyway, I don't see why a T and an F wouldn't work out! So long as the Feeler can let things slide and the Thinker is somewhat in touch with their more sensitive side.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Luke

·
MOTM July 2010
Joined
·
4,596 Posts
I've dated INFP and INFJ, but didn't work well. Their overflooded emotions is something that I have a very hard time to understand. They care about many things that I don't give a damn with, they sweet the small stuff much, and they easily got angry with me when I don't respond well to those things. Plus, they can't handle my harsh Te and kept getting hurt by it, which made me felt uncomfortable to be myself. Everything I said is hurtful, everything I do is wrong, everything I think is mean. They made me hate myself, which is not a good thing. It was such a depressing moment for me.

After I broke up with them, I felt like I'm liberated and free. Like I'm finally able to breath the air as much as I want, and that I'm free to be myself again. It's a great relief.

It was a lesson for me to not dating any Feeler type again. Don't get me wrong, I have many Feeler friends and best friends. One of my best friends is an INFP and he's a very sweet guy. But I think when it comes to romantic relationship, I'd prefer a Thinker over a Feeler.
 

·
Cafe Legend and MOTM Jan 2011
Joined
·
15,420 Posts
Every relationship I have attempted with a Thinker has turned out to be a terrible idea. I doubt I'll try it again if I can help it. We're just not compatible. Unfortunately, I am repeatedly attracted to INTPs, but I suspect this might be because it's the closest thing I can find to a fellow INFP, which would be ideal if any were ever romantically interested in me.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Luke

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,070 Posts
I've dated INFP and INFJ, but didn't work well. Their overflooded emotions is something that I have a very hard time to understand. They care about many things that I don't give a damn with, they sweet the small stuff much, and they easily got angry with me when I don't respond well to those things. Plus, they can't handle my harsh Te and kept getting hurt by it, which made me felt uncomfortable to be myself. Everything I said is hurtful, everything I do is wrong, everything I think is mean. They made me hate myself, which is not a good thing. It was such a depressing moment for me.

After I broke up with them, I felt like I'm liberated and free. Like I'm finally able to breath the air as much as I want, and that I'm free to be myself again. It's a great relief.

It was a lesson for me to not dating any Feeler type again. Don't get me wrong, I have many Feeler friends and best friends. One of my best friends is an INFP and he's a very sweet guy. But I think when it comes to romantic relationship, I'd prefer a Thinker over a Feeler.
Ahh, I empathize. A great capacity for understanding needs to be between the two if their personalities are to differ so greatly; and putting that much effort into it is a huge challenge. It's just more efficient to try for something more close to yourself.
Being around someone who was offended and hurt by everything that I said would drive me INSANE and it's frustrating to no end talking with someone not utilizing logic (or offended and using too much feeling) who just does not grasp the concept of what you're saying, so breath is pretty much wasted. Most feelers can agree, I hope. =)
 

·
MOTM July 2010
Joined
·
4,596 Posts
it's frustrating to no end talking with someone not utilizing logic (or offended and using too much feeling) who just does not grasp the concept of what you're saying.
It's not that they don't use logic, it's just that their logic is different than mine.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,993 Posts
I prefer being with my Thinker ex. Another Feeler could be good, but I'm just afraid I might become double crazy if you know what I mean :crazy:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
337 Posts
I didn't realize for a long time that the T/F disparity is at the root of many of the problems I have with my husband. I appreciate WickedQueen saying our logic is different (as opposed to the idea that INFPs don't use logic at all). But his lack of empathy has lately made me not want to talk at all. I'm so tired of trying to explain myself and my feelings.I know he's trying and I should cut him some slack, but right now the thought that he'll never "get me" is utterly disappointing.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
150 Posts
My Fi is very important to me so I tend to be drawn to Feelers more than Thinkers. In fact, dominant thinking types turn me off and leave me cold. I can't understant their detachment. Don't even get me started on ''tough love''.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
150 Posts
After a couple of decades, I'm more familiar with "tough love" than I care to be.:frustrating:
I sympathise with you. Most of my immediate family are thinkers and I resent the way they disregard emotional sensetivity as a weakness. I believe that our affectibility gives us many strenghts - empathy, creativity, thoughfulness. I'm not saying that thinkers don't posess these traits, but I do find them more pronounced in Feelers (not out of bias but from observation). Some people respond to the stick, while others react to the carrot. Neither way is wrong. I find them rather blinkered in that respect.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,447 Posts
The only Thinker types that could work with us INFPs are the ENTPs and the INTPs. The rest of them will just kill us after a few weeks of dating us. :crazy:

It takes a really emotionally-strong INFP to handle those two types, though. I would check with your Enneagram as well... For example, an INFP with a Type 4 Enneagram is not going to have fun with an INTP like an INFP with an Enneagram of Type 8 could.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
291 Posts
Speaking from experience, we drive intjs nuts :D. Our emotions appear random, and to them we never doing anything efficiently. Then there's the whole P laziness....they HATE that....haha.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,172 Posts
It's hard being with a T, for me. When you start to understand each other a little better, it's easier, but I'm not entirely sure if I could be completely happy with a T..I have a very strong F.
 

·
exploring space
ENFP
Joined
·
9,394 Posts
My ex is an INTJ and my current boyfriend INTP and both relationships were/are great for me. Maybe because they are N's not S's and because I am very interested in sciences and tech and thinking in general so we have a lot in common besides our feelings. I kinda like our differences in how we think and see things, my ex really taught me how to use my logic ( I was a teen back then so... :p ) in everyday situations and I feel I gained a lot from that relationship.
 
1 - 20 of 22 Posts
Top