Personality Cafe banner

1 - 9 of 9 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
520 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
hi, not sure if you guys have been following my threads, i got my heart broken by my ex, shes the first girlfriend i now know i actually genuinely loved, i dont think first girlfriend and in between girlfriends really counted as what love really was for me. anyways, im trying to get over her, its been 3 months, and today ive come to realize that i just feel super vulnerable to women.

let me explain, today at work, i work in phone sales, i had to help several very attractive girls my age, im pretty good looking, modestly speaking, so while in the sale, or paying their bills, or whatever they needed we started talking, on all occasions, which was probably only like 2 or 3 girls i helped that i had this, we had some type of weird connection, normal customers dont usually address me by my actual name let alone say my name at all during their visit. but anyways, my point is, these girls wernt really my type, well, one of them was, the others were okay, but i just felt so good when they were talking to me, because i had somewhat of a small connection to them, and they were responding to me, they gave me attention, something that my ex didnt really give me, i think i feel completely empty on the things i need to feel loved and okay, to the point where girls i interact that i find attractive give me attention, i feel somewhat uplifted, my happiness sky rockets, i feel so into that girl at that point, and im not even really into her! does that make sense? am i that deprived of the necessities of connection, attention, xyz of what makes me feel loved that its making me the easy one to get in a sense? this makes me feel like im to vulnerable, darn it i feel vulnerable! lol and also, that my judgment is clouded to making a good decision between girls to like and not to like.

my idea of an answer is: stay away from girls, i need more time, put up barriers between me and girls while i heal, but then again i feel empty of the basic fundamental love connections i need, my ex deprived me of what i really need 1 month before we broke up, then it got worse after cause i still lived with her for another month, maybe i should date casually? nothing serious but just to get the love tank sorta filled up so im not..so..easy... lol
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,722 Posts
I don't think you should shut them out completely, but I don't think you should use them either. Perhaps date casually, and try to find a gal which you don't feel you are using just to fill that 'tank'. Good friends fill the emptiness some as well, as does having things going on in your life (aside from people) that you are passionate about.

I'd say just avoid sitting around, alone, emptying the tank further.

But don't go out and around people thinking 'neeeed'. Go out thinking, 'this is healthy for me'.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,077 Posts
but anyways, my point is, these girls wernt really my type, well, one of them was, the others were okay, but i just felt so good when they were talking to me, because i had somewhat of a small connection to them, and they were responding to me, they gave me attention, something that my ex didnt really give me, i think i feel completely empty on the things i need to feel loved and okay, to the point where girls i interact that i find attractive give me attention, i feel somewhat uplifted, my happiness sky rockets, i feel so into that girl at that point, and im not even really into her! does that make sense? am i that deprived of the necessities of connection, attention, xyz of what makes me feel loved that its making me the easy one to get in a sense? this makes me feel like im to vulnerable, darn it i feel vulnerable! lol and also, that my judgment is clouded to making a good decision between girls to like and not to like.
I'd be tempted to suggest you find healthier ways to get your needs met rather than some random girl comes to your work and voila you get your fix. Dating before that point could be dangerous I'd think and thus I'd suggest staying off the field, make friends and have a good time though do figure out other ways to get some needs met. This is similar to Sedem's answer in a lot of ways.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
520 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
I was just meerly talking about the observations i was having on my emotional responces to these women, i feel as if my responce is just very fragile. That whole love tank phrase is from the book "the five love languages" i just want to clarify im not trying to find some sort of fix or sesrch for anyone for that matter, im more scared to understand that if girls i run into are giving me a very basic amount of the things that make feel "loved" that makes me think im to vulnerable and fragile still. Of course my friends are giving me support, i do think i should just casually meet people and just stay single. I didnt want my post to come off as im praying on women at work for my emotional needs lol that would hilarious, it was just an observation i had, cause you know, analyzing my emotions is ehat i do best haha
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,077 Posts
While you may not be seeking it out, there is something to be said for having a reaction to women that is a bit out of the blue here. Like, if you're shocked or scared by these reactions then I'm thinking something else is off here. While there can be pleasant surprises, that is a bit different than something that makes you question if you could handle dating at the moment. While your friends may be giving some form of support, is there something else that could be done here? Really, I do mean this as a sincere question for you to ponder here as I wonder if the support you have is, "It'll work out next time," rather than something a bit deeper and more meaningful here.

Have you looked into the 6 basic human needs? Certainty, variety, connection, significance, growth and contribution are the 6 where if connection means a great deal to you, you may want to strengthen some of your existing relationships so that you aren't falling over people in a work setting. While there is a chance this was a fluke, I'd question if this isn't some kind of warning that is worth taking to heart in terms of making sure you are taking care of your personal needs.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,795 Posts
You sound like you have some emotional healing to do with yourself. Self nurture, meditate, find some inner peace. And then, and *only* then, think about the next relationship opportunity.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,788 Posts
For what it's worth, self love is something that sounds easy to say and easy to put in mind for some; but it's probably trickier than it seems. It may be even more difficult to sustain through all the stressful times one goes through in life. I sometimes think it is easier to forget than it is to uphold. It is easier to mask the lack of self-love with things such as confidence, materialism, and narcissism. There are more things to mask this deprivation such as seeking external validation of love, sex, drugs, alcohol, addiction, etc.

Ok... I seriously don't know what I typed... I felt like these thoughts were just pouring out of somewhere in the back of my head. I don't know if this is good information, but it sounds interesting to me. I don't know if it is valid information... so, for what it's worth...

I hope this is useful.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
643 Posts
Don't just date casually. Go back onto that damn saddle and ride it like a boss! In other words, go and try to date someone better than the last person. When you keep trying, you'll get better. As my mom said, "Dating is experience." Mom's are always right.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
520 Posts
Discussion Starter #9
so much good feedback seriously lol thank you guys for posting!!, i just feel like i want to meet new people, grow up in sense, get my own place, finish school, live and be on my own, time heals all wounds i suppose, im glad im persistent with personal growth to the point where ill eventually have a hold on things again. i just think its way to much for me right now, for once in my life ive actually not liked someone, and for the longest time ive been single since high school, i think im just going to be a hermit with friends for awhile, do the things i i just said, and see what happens, hey, if someones meant to cross paths with my life, so be it, i would just find it annoying to say that twice at this point.

to comment back to some comments here more directly, im aware of and recovering the healing i need to do, i dont know about dating with a bang, sure my confidence is back, sure i feel like i can just get back out there, but thats not what i want, ive had some encounters in between my ex and now, they were just empty experiences. i focus on my self way to much to begin with, but i need to just focus completely on my life, if someone wants to follow me along, cool, im just not gonna look for anything serious, or look for anything period. if likes the way i live my life, and wants to be apart of it, i honestly cant blame them, things will happen as i l let everything be?

i dont really have the best support system, i did, but it got complicated, i did a lot of best friend trade offs, if that makes sense, but right now its more less just me and my understanding family members, i kinda rote this because i did think something was amiss with the whole problem im having, or else i wouldnt take it upon myself to write to you lovely people haha
 
1 - 9 of 9 Posts
Top