[curious0610]

I know this is a really irrational thought, but on some days, I feel that I'm unwanted or unliked by a group of people. It can be anything that triggers this thought, really, but once I feel this way, I start wearing rose-colored sunglasses and start observing everyone in that group to verify my thoughts on this. And it's a cycle. It seems that my interaction with people start off very positively, but when this happens, I wonder what I did wrong to reach this point. As a result, lately, I've been very afraid of any type of intimacy, because I'm afraid the same things will happen again.

I also sometimes get the gut feeling that some people are expecting me to fail? As if they are surprised I got this far, and they are only waiting for me to stumble to prove their thoughts right. Or even if they aren't expecting me to fail, they just see me as someone that shouldn't really be there or deserve to be there. And my parents have told me that this is because I don't talk about myself enough (yeah...) so people just assume the worst. I think possibly this is a N/S divide? I keep heavily to myself and am very private, whereas in the environment I'm in, everyone's constantly bragging about their accomplishments. But I tend to keep low-key. I've met some people who I really respect/admire, and later on in our friendship they would point out that I stood out to them in the beginning (idk if this is just lip-service or sincere though). But for the rest of the people, it seems that i'm sort of even looked down upon... all of my report cards from K-12 and parent-teacher conferences revolved around the issue of me not talking enough... and bleh... i don't seem to just "get" interpersonal relationships and how to properly behave or whatever.

Anyway, this is one of the major irrational insecurities i want to overcome this year... and yes, i may possibly have a complex or however this may be labeled. but today was a really tough day, and I kept feeling this. It started off when i tried making eye-contact with an adviser in the department. and everything throughout my day just sucked. do any of you relate to this? and what are some things you told yourself to overcome it?

 

[Jazibelle]

I know this is a really irrational thought, but on some days, I feel that I'm unwanted or unliked by a group of people. It can be anything that triggers this thought, really, but once I feel this way, I start wearing rose-colored sunglasses and start observing everyone in that group to verify my thoughts on this. And it's a cycle. It seems that my interaction with people start off very positively, but when this happens, I wonder what I did wrong to reach this point. As a result, lately, I've been very afraid of any type of intimacy, because I'm afraid the same things will happen again.

I feel exactly the same way! I even ask sometimes but it's even worse I think when I do that...

 

[killerB]

I think its an INFJ thing actually. I used to feel more like this, but as I grew older, I learned that it is just a random feelings and usually has no bearing on reality.

It only happens now if I get very stressed out and anxious. I find out that if I cut my caffiene, get more sleep, and meditate, it really really helps alot. It brings all my feelings into a manageable level and I move through this cycle much more quickly.

 

[Apollo Celestio]

Hm, sometimes the problem is that people worry their not thought of at all. Treasure those who treasure you..

 

[curious0610]

Hm, sometimes the problem is that people worry their not thought of at all. Treasure those who treasure you..

I definitely agree on treasuring those who treasure you...

i guess a part of my anxiety stems from when i worry about those that I WANT to treasure/be treasured from... whether it is personal/friend-wise or at work/school, etc

 

[Apollo Celestio]

I definitely agree on treasuring those who treasure you...

i guess a part of my anxiety stems from when i worry about those that I WANT to treasure/be treasured from... whether it is personal/friend-wise or at work/school, etc

I understand completely, sometimes it may be better to fore go those desires for the sake of happiness.

 

[vel]

I also sometimes get the gut feeling that some people are expecting me to fail? As if they are surprised I got this far, and they are only waiting for me to stumble to prove their thoughts right. Or even if they aren't expecting me to fail, they just see me as someone that shouldn't really be there or deserve to be there. And my parents have told me that this is because I don't talk about myself enough (yeah...) so people just assume the worst. I think possibly this is a N/S divide? I keep heavily to myself and am very private, whereas in the environment I'm in, everyone's constantly bragging about their accomplishments.

I mentioned this in your other thread (about confronting other people) where I said that INFJs could really use some work on becoming more verbally outspoken. Because if you cannot express yourself to your family and friends, then you cannot express yourself to others during debate or when you will need to verbally confront someone.

I have noticed same thing as you have noticed - that people for some reason expect me to fail. And there are plenty of examples where other people have thought me incompetent and incapable of doing something. I usually am surprised especially if it is something very simple. Also disconcerted that I have to constantly prove myself to persuade them otherwise. I feels like I am being put in position of being insecure about my accomplishments all the time that I have to make a display out of them. May be it is the INFJ tendency to try and stay away from the limelight? So when people think about you they don't have information to judge you. I still don't understand why people expect the worst in these cases and don't give others any credit.

I think the most funny example of this phenomenon that I can remember is when my ENTP ex was accusing me of wanting to join a cult. His perception was that I am neither intellectually nor emotionally strong enough to keep myself away from doing stuff like joining a group of people who believe in intergalactic lord Xenu. I was sitting there thinking "wtf" to myself lol.

 

[Gaminegirlie]

Yeah..I was lamenting to a friend yesterday about the fact that to people in my home, I can't do anything right in their eyes. There's always someone saying 'I'm not happy with you''

 

[Seeker99]

I think possibly this is a N/S divide?

I was just wondering what makes you say this? ISFJ here and I relate to everything you said.

 

[Apollo Celestio]

I was just wondering what makes you say this? ISFJ here and I relate to everything you said.

It's more a part of socializing and being human.

 

[zwanglos]

I had a rough childhood, during which just about everyone disliked me. I've since then been going through life with the personal creed of "if they don't dislike me yet, they will eventually."

I am these days on many occasions quite surprised to find out that I am / my motto is full of shit and that people sometimes actually like me.

INFJs tend to jump to conclusions, (mis)reading 'social signals' or (mis)interpreting behaviors from other people that the other party is unaware of even giving off. And it's easy to see why: there are plenty of examples in both real life and the movies where a person will act very nice to someone to their face, then spread lies and misinformation about them behind their backs.

Do yourself a favor: ask the people in question how they feel about you. You might be surprised at the answer. I've had people I was convinced disliked me tell me they really enjoyed hanging out with me; I've had people I was convinced thought of me as worthless trash tell me that most everyone they knew was worthless trash, but that I was an exception to the rule.

The only person with solid intuition is this guy:

And he's not even real.

 

[Karot]

There is only few people I really like and I really hate. Most other people's presence is bearable. That could project an image of me not liking you. But in reality I could never like a person completely. Once I get to know you better, there are facets of you that I might like and others I might dislike. If one seems not to like you at a certain moment, it doesn't mean they don't like you at all.

I can totally relate, but the people who say you don't talk enough are right. People won't like you for just standing there, you have to show yourself too. How could one like the unkown ? The unkown drives fear into most of us, it intrigues some others, but to be liked you have be known.

So I tell myself I have to make people feel my presence and not make judgments based on false beliefs (not jumping to conclusions like said earlier).

 

[Anunnaki Spirit]

Few things crush the spirit of a person than to experience this and it is comparable to losing a close friend or family member. This world is a depressing and lonely place...

 

[raschel]

I don't know, I find people treat each other this way at my job. They go for coffee, make jokes and laugh together and at the same time they act like they hate each other and say bad things about each other. Argue everyday, it makes no sense.

So, I wonder what their life at home is like. With their kids if they have any, and spouses.

 

[Daiz]

I've experienced this and I mention it occasionally because it's the whole reason I joined this forum and got into typology. It's the whole reason I have so much difficulty with thinking types. Working with a bunch of them and constantly feeling like they perceived me as inferior and unworthy was a horrible experience and I'm still recovering from the psychological damage a year later. This thread is 8 years old and I doubt you'll ever see this but I hope you feel better these days.