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I know this is a really irrational thought, but on some days, I feel that I'm unwanted or unliked by a group of people. It can be anything that triggers this thought, really, but once I feel this way, I start wearing rose-colored sunglasses and start observing everyone in that group to verify my thoughts on this. And it's a cycle. It seems that my interaction with people start off very positively, but when this happens, I wonder what I did wrong to reach this point. As a result, lately, I've been very afraid of any type of intimacy, because I'm afraid the same things will happen again.
I also sometimes get the gut feeling that some people are expecting me to fail? As if they are surprised I got this far, and they are only waiting for me to stumble to prove their thoughts right. Or even if they aren't expecting me to fail, they just see me as someone that shouldn't really be there or deserve to be there. And my parents have told me that this is because I don't talk about myself enough (yeah...) so people just assume the worst. I think possibly this is a N/S divide? I keep heavily to myself and am very private, whereas in the environment I'm in, everyone's constantly bragging about their accomplishments. But I tend to keep low-key. I've met some people who I really respect/admire, and later on in our friendship they would point out that I stood out to them in the beginning (idk if this is just lip-service or sincere though). But for the rest of the people, it seems that i'm sort of even looked down upon... all of my report cards from K-12 and parent-teacher conferences revolved around the issue of me not talking enough... and bleh... i don't seem to just "get" interpersonal relationships and how to properly behave or whatever.
Anyway, this is one of the major irrational insecurities i want to overcome this year... and yes, i may possibly have a complex or however this may be labeled. but today was a really tough day, and I kept feeling this. It started off when i tried making eye-contact with an adviser in the department. and everything throughout my day just sucked. do any of you relate to this? and what are some things you told yourself to overcome it?
I also sometimes get the gut feeling that some people are expecting me to fail? As if they are surprised I got this far, and they are only waiting for me to stumble to prove their thoughts right. Or even if they aren't expecting me to fail, they just see me as someone that shouldn't really be there or deserve to be there. And my parents have told me that this is because I don't talk about myself enough (yeah...) so people just assume the worst. I think possibly this is a N/S divide? I keep heavily to myself and am very private, whereas in the environment I'm in, everyone's constantly bragging about their accomplishments. But I tend to keep low-key. I've met some people who I really respect/admire, and later on in our friendship they would point out that I stood out to them in the beginning (idk if this is just lip-service or sincere though). But for the rest of the people, it seems that i'm sort of even looked down upon... all of my report cards from K-12 and parent-teacher conferences revolved around the issue of me not talking enough... and bleh... i don't seem to just "get" interpersonal relationships and how to properly behave or whatever.
Anyway, this is one of the major irrational insecurities i want to overcome this year... and yes, i may possibly have a complex or however this may be labeled. but today was a really tough day, and I kept feeling this. It started off when i tried making eye-contact with an adviser in the department. and everything throughout my day just sucked. do any of you relate to this? and what are some things you told yourself to overcome it?