[GuruOfReason]

I know that NTs are disproportionately "forever alone" types. Do you guys ever feel unlovable? I am feeling that way right now. I just feel that no girl will ever like me. My rational mind tells me that this is bullshit, but my Ti is losing to my Fe on this one. When I look at Facebook, it seems as if everyone has some SO. But I feel like I dying of thirst in the Sahara in comparison.

How do you cope?

 

[Sage del Viento]

I cope in the fact that true happiness can only come from yourself. Maybe a person can help a little in bringing it out, but it's all you in the end. That and not being tied down to one woman in a serious relationship is nice. To be honest though, it's hard finding someone I truly want to be serious with although I kinda want it... I'm going off topic now.

 

[onebelo]

try loving yourself first

 

[nadjasix]

Overrated. When you make yourself happy, you'll attract people no problem.

 

[downsowf]

I don't have a problem with feeling unlovable. Perhaps I'm a bit narcissistic.

I mostly have a problem letting people love me.

 

[MegaTuxRacer]

I know that NTs are disproportionately "forever alone" types. Do you guys ever feel unlovable? I am feeling that way right now. I just feel that no girl will ever like me. My rational mind tells me that this is bullshit, but my Ti is losing to my Fe on this one. When I look at Facebook, it seems as if everyone has some SO. But I feel like I dying of thirst in the Sahara in comparison.

How do you cope?

Look at your news feed on facebook. For every one couple fawning over each other there are like 10 people wretching over the mushiness of the whole affair.

 

[MsCheshire]

I feel you on this. It's like we have a curse. As an ENTP 8 and a woman.....let's just say I have not such a wonderful relationship history. I've decided that the solution is to find like minded others. I just joined this forum today after reading for months. I've always tested as an ENTP and 8. It's been wonderful to read this forum and see other ENTPs and other 8s who think exactly like me. That gives me some hope.

 

[luxurieux]

I definitely understand what you mean. All of my friends have been in a relationship, broken up, moved on, and found someone else. It's a little depressing to see them finding people they like who like them back, while I'm just sitting on the side, not really caring, but realizing that literally no one has sought me out. More than anything, it makes me feel inadequate. Not necessarily that I'm unattractive, but that my personality and overall person is undesirable. For the most part, I don't really mind being "forever alone," but it can get kind of lonely (hurr durr) sometimes, especially with my friends the way they are.

 

[nadjasix]

Another thing to consider is your own pickiness. I might not seem it, since I talk about hot dudes constantly, but I'm extremely picky about the people I'll have an actual relationship with. Extremely.

A lot of people aren't. And a lot of people play act through relationships.

 

[luxurieux]

Another thing to consider is your own pickiness. I might not seem it, since I talk about hot dudes constantly, but I'm extremely picky about the people I'll have an actual relationship with. Extremely.

A lot of people aren't. And a lot of people play act through relationships.

I have to agree with this. I rarely find someone I would even consider pursuing a relationship with, so the few who have sought me out in the past seem less significant because I didn't deem them "worthy" (not to sound arrogant) enough. I'd rather turn down potentials I have no real feelings for and wait for someone I actually enjoy being with.

 

[Jennywocky]

Another thing to consider is your own pickiness. I might not seem it, since I talk about hot dudes constantly, but I'm extremely picky about the people I'll have an actual relationship with. Extremely.

A lot of people aren't. And a lot of people play act through relationships.

I have to agree with this. I rarely find someone I would even consider pursuing a relationship with, so the few who have sought me out in the past seem less significant because I didn't deem them "worthy" (not to sound arrogant) enough. I'd rather turn down potentials I have no real feelings for and wait for someone I actually enjoy being with.

Yeah, I'm very accepting of people in general, but I'm also very picky about who I'd date. I just kind of know whether it clicks or not, and I don't see much point in wasting time just to be out dating someone if it's not going to work. I even get uncomfortable going through the motions of talking to guys who are interested if I get a quick impression that it's just not going to work.

Many other people seem less discriminating. Which means many of the people who are "together" might not really be in a meaningful relationship, just a temporary one.

 

[Roule Boule]

The above post sort of dis-heartens me. Those "quick impressions" are what kill a lot of relationships, romantic or not, prematurely. Sometimes people need time to get comfortable and show their true colours.

 

[Nordom]

Is everyone miserable before they meet someone or have a SO? Hell no.
Is everyone happy with their life when they are with someone? Hell no.
Loneliness blows but it's just your mind messing with you. Being ok with yourself and comfortable in your skin pretty much let's everything else fall into place.
So says the single guy in his mid-thirties.

 

[kikikins]

I get the whole unlovable thing but not really when it comes to finding love per se. I just feel unlovable when my ideas get ignored. Like everything I say is stupid and not worth anyone's time.

As far as the relationship context, as already mentioned, you'd be surprised at how picky you probably are. Your "unlovable" feeling is just pessimism and a tendency of only noticing when people reject you while you fail to notice the people who really dig you.
I have seen intps who reject men and women all the time as "not their type" but continue to mope about how "unlovable" they are. Really, it's kind of funny...

My solution would be to stop putting being in a relationship on a pedestal. It will happen when it happens. If you force anything it will end up a crappier situation than just staying single.

 

[kalias]

To be honest I'm just not that interested... Occasionally I'll want a girlfriend or something but most of the time I feel as if it were too much of a burden. I'm pretty content. And if someone were interested in me I have no idea how they could advance. I just sit in front of my computer every day and don't attend parties or other gatherings. There is no real way to approach me... At the same time I don't know how/want to pursue others but for the time being at least, I'm content.

 

[kikikins]

The above post sort of dis-heartens me. Those "quick impressions" are what kill a lot of relationships, romantic or not, prematurely. Sometimes people need time to get comfortable and show their true colours.

True, but through trial and error you just know something wont work. I do agree that people jump to conclusions about each others' personality-compatibility too quickly. Wouldn't you say physical attraction is fairly immediate? You either have it or you don't?

 

[Nordom]

The above post sort of dis-heartens me. Those "quick impressions" are what kill a lot of relationships, romantic or not, prematurely. Sometimes people need time to get comfortable and show their true colours.

I'm with @Jennywocky
I don't form quick impressions just with girls I date though, it's with everyone. Those impressions are based on traits, features, whatever you want to call them that remind me about other girls with similar traits or features. It could be gut feeling, intuition or something else subconscious. It's helpful to be discerning and know what isn't for you.

 

[Jennywocky]

The above post sort of dis-heartens me. Those "quick impressions" are what kill a lot of relationships, romantic or not, prematurely. Sometimes people need time to get comfortable and show their true colours.

Obviously you don't get what I'm saying, then. I'm in my 40's, and I have enough life experience at this point to know exactly what I am and am not looking for, and I can recognize it very quickly. I don't need to recreate the wheel for the 1001th time just to prove to myself that yes, my instincts were right yet again... nor do I feel compelled to 'sell out" for something I don't really want just so that I'll have someone around. (I did THAT for a looooonnnngggg time, and it's not worth it.)

I think once intuition is tied to extensive experience, and bolstered by rational thought, it can come to decisions very quickly without having to cover the same ground again and again.

 

[King_Moonracer]

Being an NT, i have recently been led to the fact that not having people love you is a good thing. We aren't "good enough" to the people who are arrogant and dumb enough to call themselves "normal". Just accept it completely, and wait for another cool intelligent unique human being to cross your path. It may never happen if you don't let it.

 

[lastman]

I am really not a people person but every once in a while, like, say at work, I will cross paths with a woman who I am attracted to. It really sucks too because, well, it is work (every one else does it?) and usually I am so awkward I screw things up anyway. But in most other cases they are taken. And or I figure they would not see me in that way anyway.

It takes me a while before I loosen up around people, especially someone I am attracted to.

Attraction sucks