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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I don't know if this is an INTJ thing but whenever I feel depressed I start to be really critical of myself. I see myself as a failure who can't keep themselves under control.. Especially when it comes to the realm of feelings. I want sometimes so much to tell people how I'm feeling to let it all out, but telling people just makes me feel worse. It's like "I feel weak for feeling this but if I tell anyone then I'll feel weak for admitting that I'm feeling weak". And if I don't distract myself in time I can sort of spiral into a self-defeating loop and become extremely isolated. More so than usual.

I've never really considered myself a perfectionist.. but sometimes I think it's because I wish people would accept me more. If I just made myself 'more perfect' they would want to be around me. Who wants to be around people who can't control their emotions, right?

Do any of you other INTJ's feel like this sometimes?
 

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Sort of. I agree it makes me feel worse admitting weakness.
And the people who I admit weakness to claim I am just wanting them to feel sorry for me. Because I want to make myself better than them for feeling sympathy to enhance my ego.
So I found it's useless to confide in others for that reason.
Not to mention they don't seem to care or console me so it must just be an annoyance.
I consider to think I'm a perfectionist.
But when I am depressed I procrastinate perfection
Which makes me more depressed.
Some people may find it appealing to be around uncontrollable people
 
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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
And the people who I admit weakness to claim I am just wanting them to feel sorry for me. Because I want to make myself better than them for feeling sympathy to enhance my ego.
So I found it's useless to confide in others for that reason.
Not to mention they don't seem to care or console me so it must just be an annoyance.
I relate strongly with this also. Hence my need to feel perfect and not let anything out.

I think also it gets worse when I stop to consider the irrationality of the things I'm feeling but I just can't seem to pull myself out of it.
 

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I relate strongly with this also. Hence my need to feel perfect and not let anything out.

I think also it gets worse when I stop to consider the irrationality of the things I'm feeling but I just can't seem to pull myself out of it.
Or to find the rationality in what your depressed about.
I suppose it depends on how often you express those feelings. And whether you find them to be rational after you've used them a lot
 

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I can not say I suffer of depression, nor I am excessively perfectionist.

Nonetheless, making mistakes or the bad cases of life sometimes make me upset.

It is perfectly normal, we are human and we are imperfect. So relax, your defensive mechanism has nothing unusual. Of course if depression reach such intensity it blocks you, it is another matter.

It is normal too, having doubts about speaking with others - showing weakness is a genetically discouraged behavior.

Deciding if trust people or not is a big problem. If you have no one in real life, you see writing here seems easier - but a written answer from the other side of the world will be more generic.

Your frame of mind for what if you are more perfect you will be more accepted is delicate. Usually people judge us lightly, they do not care to see if we are so perfect. Try to relax that.

Also, not always controlling emotions is a valued factor - people are lazy, they do not value absence of emotion but predictability, ie they check your reactions against their expectations and if you fail you are thought weird.

It is up to you see if they are worthy of your worry. It maybe is an INTJ thing, but just because we are more intellective.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Or to find the rationality in what your depressed about.
I suppose it depends on how often you express those feelings. And whether you find them to be rational after you've used them a lot
I've never really considered depression as a rational process before. In what ways do you think it could be?

I don't really ever express my feelings to be honest.. and when I do I find it irrational because of reasons already mentioned.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Your frame of mind for what if you are more perfect you will be more accepted is delicate. Usually people judge us lightly, they do not care to see if we are so perfect. Try to relax that.

Also, not always controlling emotions is a valued factor - people are lazy, they do not value absence of emotion but predictability, ie they check your reactions against their expectations and if you fail you are thought weird.
I try to remember that, but it's always so much different in my head than it is in reality.

And I don't care about being thought weird but.. predictability with emotions is something I've noticed is valued and something I'm trying to work on. But honestly it's hard work since I don't really have a clear understanding of how people see me in the first place.
 

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I try to remember that, but it's always so much different in my head than it is in reality.

And I don't care about being thought weird but.. predictability with emotions is something I've noticed is valued and something I'm trying to work on. But honestly it's hard work since I don't really have a clear understanding of how people see me in the first place.
I would add, the dilemma true self - others' acceptance is old as the human mind, so you are not alone.

Being afraid of not being accepted if showing one's true self; trying to change for being accepted, and the relative fear of losing one own self... there is no unique solution.

Any person is different, and any situation is different. We INTJs are typically less inclined to change for being accepted. We usuallty solve this, filtering a group of close trusted friends.
 

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I don't know if this is an INTJ thing but whenever I feel depressed I start to be really critical of myself. I see myself as a failure who can't keep themselves under control.. Especially when it comes to the realm of feelings. I want sometimes so much to tell people how I'm feeling to let it all out, but telling people just makes me feel worse. It's like "I feel weak for feeling this but if I tell anyone then I'll feel weak for admitting that I'm feeling weak". And if I don't distract myself in time I can sort of spiral into a self-defeating loop and become extremely isolated. More so than usual.

I've never really considered myself a perfectionist.. but sometimes I think it's because I wish people would accept me more. If I just made myself 'more perfect' they would want to be around me. Who wants to be around people who can't control their emotions, right?

Do any of you other INTJ's feel like this sometimes?
hah. i just used to want to be perfect so i wouldn't have to deal with all that deep difficult real-truth-about-the-real-me kind of stuff :laughing: and no confrontations (the way i pictured it anyway), ever.

it's hard to find good people to tell those deep personal feelings to, i know that. but it seems like maybe you've got yourself backed up onto some never-vulnerable kind of pedestal inside your mind, and you feel trapped but you don't want/don't know how to get down.
 

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(ENFJ)Yes, I feel this way but for different reasons. You are unique and special no matter what. We are all hard on ourselves. You do the best you can and remember you are human with imperfections. I know you have talents and that's the perfect you.:wink:
 
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