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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I've browsed the NF forum, And it seems as if INFP's are more attuned with "feelings".

Someone posted about singing, or what song relates to what you are currently feeling? I had to scratch my head. I read a few posts... and than someone else created a topic about memories and how they cry when they think about certain things. I scratched my head in amazement.

How does this happen? I wish I could cry.. that's what I mentioned in one of the topics created. How can some of you be so open to vulnerability? It is as if I have encountered a different set of species - don't take that the wrong way.

Really, how can you sit there and talk about feelings and stuff like that? This question isn't meant to be condescending. I am not of similar nature, I am feverishly curious to this comfortability some of you flaunt when expressing your feelings.. How can that be? How can you cry? How does that work? How does that happen? How can you be pissed off, anxious or depressed? How do you allow yourself to experience any of that? What's the process behind it? Is this your way of self-regulating? Do you envision yourself without this ability?

How can you imprint your heads into the clouds? I can't really do this. How can you attach yourself to your ideas and dreams? I don't really do this, in some ways I would like to learn how. If there is a strategy behind it... my natural judgements and critical mind prevents me from "dreaming", and taking it off from there.
 

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One word: drink. No matter what your starting point, cognitively, is everyone ends up a blubbering mess after enough liquor.

In all seriousness, though, you might as well ask yourself how you think in that it's simply something that happens. You can't actively feel something, it's simply an unconscious reaction to an event. Also, don't lump all INFP's together like that - not all of us burst into tears when witnessing something tragic/beautiful. Well, not much anyway :wink:
 

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The trick is to learn how to shut feelings off when they become an obstacle. To not be lead in all directions with no sense of objectivity or be "owned" by feelings. I began learning that at 22 & 33 years later I'm still learning but it gets easier with time, at least for me. When we connect with others like us though, it's freakin' powerful.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
@Cheezdude
I read a lot of books. Reading is one of my favorite hobbies. I mainly research, that's another favorite hobby for me.
I watch movies here and there.

what is the relation here?
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
The trick is to learn how to shut feelings off when they become an obstacle. To not be lead in all directions with no sense of objectivity or be "owned" by feelings. I began learning that at 22 & 33 years later I'm still learning but it gets easier with time, at least for me. When we connect with others like us though, it's freakin' powerful.


I've read about this method. I've experimented with it. It got me nowhere.
Emotions own you. Do they not?
 

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@lightened : How would you describe how you feel thirsty do someone who claims they don't?

I mean, ultimately, it comes down to neurotransmitters and stuff in the brain. Probably not the answer you're looking for. But I find it very hard to give another description. I cannot envision myself without the ability to be pissed off, anxious or depressed, no.

However, I wouldn't say I'm very comfortable talking about feelings, or very comfortable crying in front of other people. With some people, I can do it, but certainly not with just fleeting acquaintances. So on the question

How can some of you be so open to vulnerability?
I'd say that, well, I'm certainly not unlimited in my openness to vulnerability. Just as you, I think it's way too dangerous to open my heart to anything that moves. So on that point, we do have some common ground. Perhaps I can put myself in a slightly more vulnerable position that you, but it's only a difference in degree.
 

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@Cheezdude
I read a lot of books. Reading is one of my favorite hobbies. I mainly research, that's another favorite hobby for me.
I watch movies here and there.

what is the relation here?
I asked just out of curiosity, you're interesting to me as well-- I want to know if you ever feel any sort of relationship with characters in books, and possibly hints of emotion when they accomplish something/are hurt?
 

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I don't know. I don't consciously tell myself to do so, it just comes naturally (not saying that I'm very OPENLY emotional, though). I get energized by it and often like feeling overwhelmed by it. Whether it's for the better or worse though... after all, it is a cold, harsh world out there, lol. But by denying it, I feel like I wouldn't be true to myself and would only be denying it's existence and such. Same goes with the 'head in the clouds' thing.

Though I'm sure other INFP may feel differently. Just speaking for myself.
 

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Emotions own you. Do they not?
No. I don't even know what that means. Just because we are in touch with our emotions and derive rich experiences from having them does not mean we are incapable of recognizing that there are other ways to process what happens around us. We even capable of using those tools some of the time. Speaking for myself, I prefer to process the world using my emotions. I am not afraid of my emotions. I quite like them in fact. They are simply a part of me.
 

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[...]

How can you imprint your heads into the clouds? I can't really do this. How can you attach yourself to your ideas and dreams? I don't really do this, in some ways I would like to learn how. If there is a strategy behind it... my natural judgements and critical mind prevents me from "dreaming", and taking it off from there.
That's just it, I think. There is no strategy. Strategy and emotion are entirely separate things.

Does it come second-nature to you to employ logic in most situations? (You do go on to use the phrase "natural judgments.")

I can't speak for all INFPs, only for myself, but, personally, though I place a high premium on logic, it is does not necessarily occur first in my thought process or take precedence, anyway (and that's not a conscious choice). That is to say, when I am confronted with any issue, I generally automatically respond by experiencing some kind of emotion. If the emotion is at all overwhelming, I will sometimes retreat until I can regain composure (for fear of overwhelming others, I think), and then I consciously examine the situation rationally to see how I should respond outwardly. But that second step is something I have to A) consciously decide to do and B) work at doing in a level-headed, non-biased way.

Therefore, I don't quite know how to talk about feelings. I can talk about the things to which I am less attuned (i.e., my use of thinking function), but as for feelings, those are almost who I am. (That's starting to sound scary, so I'm just going to end my post now.)
 

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I've browsed the NF forum, And it seems as if INFP's are more attuned with "feelings".

Someone posted about singing, or what song relates to what you are currently feeling? I had to scratch my head. I read a few posts... and than someone else created a topic about memories and how they cry when they think about certain things. I scratched my head in amazement.

How does this happen? I wish I could cry.. that's what I mentioned in one of the topics created. How can some of you be so open to vulnerability? It is as if I have encountered a different set of species - don't take that the wrong way.

Really, how can you sit there and talk about feelings and stuff like that? This question isn't meant to be condescending. I am not of similar nature, I am feverishly curious to this comfortability some of you flaunt when expressing your feelings.. How can that be? How can you cry? How does that work? How does that happen? How can you be pissed off, anxious or depressed? How do you allow yourself to experience any of that? What's the process behind it? Is this your way of self-regulating? Do you envision yourself without this ability?

How can you imprint your heads into the clouds? I can't really do this. How can you attach yourself to your ideas and dreams? I don't really do this, in some ways I would like to learn how. If there is a strategy behind it... my natural judgements and critical mind prevents me from "dreaming", and taking it off from there.

I have know 3 older intj's (in their 40's, 50's) and believe me they can get extremely emotional and suffer
when they don't know how to deal with said emotions. However, these are female, I have no experience with
males.

Their developed Fi was obvious and one lady in particular used to phone me when she was suicidal. It was as
though she needed me to untangle the emotional mess that she was. And yet, at other times she be icy-cold
and totally rational.

In my experience, they only wanted to deal with emotions when it was absolutely necessary, which can be
dangerous, as the unacknowledged and unexpressed emotions build up over time - and there you have it, no
logic in the world could deal with the stuff that needs diving into at a deeper level.
 

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How does this happen? I wish I could cry.. that's what I mentioned in one of the topics created. How can some of you be so open to vulnerability? It is as if I have encountered a different set of species - don't take that the wrong way.
It's fine. I guess its just a way of coping. My line of thinking is, "If I am emotionally vulnerable, others will understand how I feel better and can judge my character more accurately than if I were to put up a hundreds emotion barriers, keeping others away."


Really, how can you sit there and talk about feelings and stuff like that? This question isn't meant to be condescending. I am not of similar nature, I am feverishly curious to this comfortability some of you flaunt when expressing your feelings.. How can that be? How can you cry? How does that work? How does that happen? How can you be pissed off, anxious or depressed? How do you allow yourself to experience any of that? What's the process behind it? Is this your way of self-regulating? Do you envision yourself without this ability?
I think of a computer that gets overheated, and needs to cool down. If I feel a certain way and dwell on it for too long, I'll explode. It just needs to get out there. I apologize if my responses aren't detailed.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
I asked just out of curiosity, you're interesting to me as well-- I want to know if you ever feel any sort of relationship with characters in books, and possibly hints of emotion when they accomplish something/are hurt?
the most I have felt has been anticipation. i can laugh, the most I can feel to happiness is content.
i do experience some level of feelings but it not potent. if at all. it's a fleeting moment.
things like anger, depression, anxiety, even contentment they aren't potently felt in which I can theorize based on personal experiences my brain, and specific chemicals have retarded certain brain functions. i experience detachment and it's quite normal to me.

I'm just not entirely "there" I can't connect to them.
 
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Really, how can you sit there and talk about feelings and stuff like that? This question isn't meant to be condescending. I am not of similar nature, I am feverishly curious to this comfortability some of you flaunt when expressing your feelings.. How can that be? How can you cry? How does that work? How does that happen? How can you be pissed off, anxious or depressed? How do you allow yourself to experience any of that? What's the process behind it? Is this your way of self-regulating? Do you envision yourself without this ability?
are you asking how can we be so vulnerable as to express our feelings to one another?
or are you asking how can we even feel in the first place?
or both?

i would say that i express my feelings to self-regulate. when someone tells me something upsetting, i feel it in my body. my body responds, my heart hurts, i feel sick. it's not a thing i can ignore, so i "cry out" and express myself by being sad or curling up in a ball or crying or whatever. it's kindof like if someone stabbed you in the arm, you'd yell. it doesn't feel right to try and stay quiet when someone is stabbing me in the arm. haha, that's the best way i know how to explain it. i mean, i don't always fall apart, sometimes i try and stay strong. but i can't pretend it isn't there for very long because it stays inside of me until i deal with it.

as for telling people about my feelings, i only talk to close friends and the anonymous internet. haha. i rarely tell people at work or whoever about feelings because they might judge me. but as for those who i feel might understand, well, i talk about my feelings because they're very powerful and i don't want to be alone in this, i guess. human emotions are important to me, interesting! :D
 

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Emotions are such a big part of my life. Feelings motivate me. I want to feel happy and not sad. Everyone in the F forums really want to achieve this. We have to talk about it. And I am not comfortable about talking about feelings, only in the NF forums and people who I am really close to.

I have so many emotions in me. When I get depressed and anxious my heart starts racing and I get very irrational thoughts. I guess its something I can't explain.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
@Isthmus
i can't feel emotions at times. there is a physiological disconnection.
people have to identify how i "feel" for me. and in that point i may or may not deny it.
when i do feel negative emotions especially, as well as positive, it's never potent.

its unconscious I don't necessarily want to push them away, but I do it without being aware of.
I've been confronted around this. I can't decipher why anyone would tell me that I am pushing or avoiding feeling something.
I don't know that I am doing it - how can they know that I am?

I find my emotions/feelings undesirable. i do not think it is a desirable quality. this has been a thought derived, many many years ago, it's stuck with me into adolesence, young adulthood.

I've had a few people tell me I am sad. I don't know where they came to that conclusion. maybe it was the context. contentment/detachment is my primary "emotion". I only know it's abnormal, through empirical evidence.
 

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I've read about this method. I've experimented with it. It got me nowhere.
Emotions own you. Do they not?
They used to own me. In my youth it was like a roller coaster. Not so much anymore.
 

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i have an intp/j friend (he switches haha!) and he's pretty like... "logical", i'll say. genius computer programmer, super nerd. he doesn't feel emotions easily sometimes. when i was first getting to know him, i was going through an emotional time. so i was always upset and i told him i wished i could be like him and not let things phase me so much. but he told me i wouldn't want to be like him because he felt cold and empty much of the time...

and when he went to his grandmother's funeral he said it kindof disturbed him because he didn't feel sad. he didn't cry, he didn't feel anything, and everyone else was an emotional mess.

that being said... now that i've got to know him a little better, i've seen him in different situations. i've seen him cry several times, but it always catches me offguard. it just comes out of the blue! he often retreats and deals with things himself too. i told him i didn't understand this and that he should reach out to people, but he says this is just the way he deals with things - he needs to process them alone, by himself. so i don't know... everyone's different!

to be honest, i think i made him a lot more emotional by just him being around me. :\ haha i'm not sure how that's possible but yeah. i notice little things seem to be rubbing off. not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing or just all in my imagination.
 
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