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Discussion Starter #1
Don't laugh - on the surface this seems like a dumb question, but I had a friend point out to me the other day that she can't tell with me. She asked me the question above and I couldn't really come up with a good answer. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I don't really do much differently than when I'm talking to anyone else. I'm the type of person that has never met a stranger (I'm guessing we are all kind of like that) and I've been accused of being "flirty" when I have no intention of being that way.

The way the conversation started was that I had just met an attractive woman and I sat there talking to her for about 20-30 min. My female friend (a very casual acquaintance of the woman I was talking to) was a nearby observer. Shortly after I wrapped up the conversation with the woman and walked away my friend came up to me and asked what was wrong with the woman I had been talking to. I told her "Nothing. She was cute, but I'm just not sure if she was that interested. What makes you think I thought there was something wrong with her?" Her reply was to ask why I wasn't flirting with this new woman. I asked what she meant. She explained that I was talking to the new woman exactly the same way I did when I met her. (A little side note: my friend thought that I was flirting with her and interested in her romantically back when we first met - I wasn't - at all. She knows that now.)

So I'm wondering, what things do you do above and beyond to flirt with someone you are interested in romantically? Has any other ENFJ had trouble making this distinction?
 

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Haha quite the opposite. Maybe if I knew how to flirt that would be the case, but I've never been very skilled in that arena.
 
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I flirt with everybody...not that I do it consciously, it's just my way of talking :kitteh: Many times I've found myself in the situation of a guy falling for me, while I myself am uninterested and wonder how the hell this managed to happen! I can relate very easily to people and mirror their behaviour, and I'm bubbly, chatty, zany and very open, so it can often appear like I'm leading someone on when I'm just being myself.

So yeah, for me flirting = conversation!

Though I had these moments when I was really emotionally invested in someone...and then I flirted with this person much less than with others, LOL!
 

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Haha quite the opposite. Maybe if I knew how to flirt that would be the case, but I've never been very skilled in that arena.
Maybe this is my problem. Maybe because I tend to express interest in almost every conversation I have I don't really know how to flirt either.

I might also touch them.
I've done this before, but I have to have a pretty clear sign of interest before I do. Otherwise I feel like I'm just being creepy.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
I flirt with everybody...not that I do it consciously, it's just my way of talking :kitteh: Many times I've found myself in the situation of a guy falling for me, while I myself am uninterested and wonder how the hell this managed to happen! I can relate very easily to people and mirror their behaviour, and I'm bubbly, chatty, zany and very open, so it can often appear like I'm leading someone on when I'm just being myself.

So yeah, for me flirting = conversation!

Though I had these moments when I was really emotionally invested in someone...and then I flirted with this person much less than with others, LOL!
Yes! THIS! What's the key to beating this horrible affliction? :tongue:
 

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Yes! THIS! What's the key to beating this horrible affliction? :tongue:
Dunno, call me if you ever find out :cool: Seriously, though, I enjoy ENFJ conversation-flirting very much, it makes life more fun and opens up the door to making interesting new acquaintances fast! So I wouldn't worry if I were you! And when it comes to cases when you're actually interested in someone, perhaps a direct expression of admiration/affection is the best and simplest approach :happy:
 

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I would be more likely to not touch and not talk to someone I really like lol. I get awkward when I like someone.

But if I did manage to strike up some courage, I would probably try to be witty because I am usually good at making people laugh. But I do this with people I don't fancy too, I just like to laugh and smile alot and entertain people. I also like to compliment people on things I observe, so for example if I saw a guy I know reasonably well and he has a new hair cut and I like it I will probably say so. But this is by no means a form of flirtation. So it's kind of confusing for me; the line between flirting and just talking. Perhaps I am a lousy flirt lol. I am who I am. I am bubbly and funny and like talking to people. I have had people misinterpret me many times over the years.
 

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Some people flirt unknowngly or a little more especially if theyre more interpersonal people. A lot of times it means nothing but a joke, especially if theyre playful.

However as with all people who are interpersonal more, when you pay attention to someone they can sometimes take it as romantic interest. Even if youre not joking and ho-ha'ing around sometimes. Just the cons of being that way.


With the attractive woman you speaking to, seems you played your composure correctly or more on guard for whatever reason, because of your interest.


For me if I do like someone or see potiential, I tend to turn the joking down and converse, to see how they think and what theyre all about.
 

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I think I lived with much less sensitive people for too long, I forgot how to be that touchy.
I kinda still am more touchy than them, but there was a time a friend (a girl... friend) told me that whenever I touched someone on a conversation, they would get awkward because they are not used to this. So I stopped from doing this for a time.
I want to get it back, I think I can do it if I just relax.
 

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Flirting - I find that my Ni (introverted intuition) starts to bounce around like crazy when I am speaking with the other person. I might even try to convince myself that they "aren't that important to me" or they are "just a cool person" to talk to and nothing more. This tends to be an inner dialogue in my head long after chatting with that person. This opposition is a sure sign that I am flirting with them.

Not flirting - My Fe tends to be pretty mellow. Ni is much less engaged. My Fe is doing most of the work here.
 
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